It's already 9:30PM.
I walk towards the garden to wait for her.
I'm sipping my coffee when I felt her hug me from behind.
"Hey" I said softly.
She kissed my cheeks.
"Did you wait long?" She whispers in my ear.
"I just got here baby."
"Hmmm, you smell good." She kisses my earlobe.
"Come here." I grab her hand and let her seat on my lap.
I kiss her passionately.
Damn, I really love this girl so much.
"I love you baby." I whisper after breaking our kiss.
"I love you too." She gives me a peck in the lips.
"How was your day, hmmm?" She asked while combing my hair.
"It was exhausting and boring. You're not with me." I reply and hug her. I kiss her neck.
"You should be used to it babe. I've been without you for almost a year now. Get use to it." She chuckles.
"Come with me in the work tomorrow. Please?" I beg while still kissing her neck.
We only do this every night because of my work. Busy schedules.
"You know I can't." She just kiss me and hug me until she falls asleep in my arms.
I woke up the next morning in my bed.
I take a bath and walk donwnstairs to have my breakfast.
Mom was there cooking.
"Good morning mom." I greet with a smile and kiss her cheeks.
"You talked to her again last night?" She asked in a worried look.
"Mom, I love her okay? I need to go bye."
"I know that." She replied sadly.
I grab my keys and drive to my work place.
I got home from work late. I didn't take dinner yet and directly walk to the garden. Fuck! It's already 10PM she must be there already.
I saw her sitting in the rocking chair. It's her favorite seat.
"Hey love." I kiss her temple.
"Hmmm, you're 20 mins late." She said smiling.
"I'm sorry. Paper works keep me from going home early. Forgive me?" I ask with a puppy dog eyes look.
She chuckles and pinch my cheeks.
"I love you Rhage."
"And I love you more Yanna. I can't live without you." I kiss her.
Silence follow until she spoke.
"You should get used to being on your own baby. Stop doing this to yourself. Please?" She said teary eyed while caressing my cheeks.
"No, I can't babe. Please? I love you." I said crying while hugging her.
I'm kneeling in front of her.
"Rhage, please let me go. It will be the best for you baby. It hurts me seeing you like this because of me. Please baby?"
"How? When the reason why I'm still alive and breathing right now is because of you. I want to live knowing you're here with me Yanna. You are my life. Please don't leave again." I beg while crying.
"Babe, I didn't leave." She gives me a peck and smiles at me.
"I was always there with you. I love you to the moon and back Rhage. Please live for me." She kiss me softly in the lips.
"I love you too Yanna." I am crying now. Tears are continuously pouring from my eyes.
I woke up in my bed the next morning. I checked the clock it's already 9AM. I take a bath and wear my normal shirt and sweat pants. Today is Saturday, no work. Sure Mom is downstairs again.
"You had a good sleep, eh?" Mom ask when I seat in front of her.
"I let her go." I said smiling weakly to her.
She touched my hand.
"You'll be fine baby. She'll be happy knowing that you let her go already. Live for yourself son. Please."
"Will you come with me tomorrow mom?" I ask like a kid that is afraid of riding the roller coaster.
"Sure baby. Now eat." She said smiling.
The next day mom and I drive to our destination bringing the beautiful flowers I ordered yesterday. I walk to her.
My mom put the flower in her tomb.
I light the candle and say my prayers.
"Hey baby." I sit down next to the tomb.
"It's been a year since you left me but as you told me last night you were always right here for me. I believed you and I'm setting you free now."
I kissed her name on it.
"I love you Yanna." I smile and close my eyes remembering those times when we are still together.
My mom hugged me from the back.
"Thank you for coming back to me son. I loss my hope before. Seeing you talking to no one every night in the garden, crying and calling Yanna's name is killing me. I thought I'll lose you forever." Mom is crying while saying those words.
I cried. Hearing her pain of seeing me in pain is torturing.
"I'm sorry mom. I'm sorry for leaving you." I hug her back.
After having a heart to heart talk we walk back to the car and drive home.
I walk to my room and pick Yanna's burial picture.
"You are my forever baby. You will always have a part of me. I love you." I kiss her picture and lie down.
Yanna died last year because of a car accident. It was 1 week before our marriage. It really had a great impact to me.
After she died, my world stopped.
I stop going to work, I stop eating and I stop loving. I became numb.
2 months of grieving I made my own hallucination of seeing her every night in her favorite place in our house. Meeting the imaginary her every night gives me strength, my world resumes. I was happy but Yanna wasn't I can see her in my dreams every night telling me to let go and live my life the way I want.
I hugged her picture tightly in my chest. A lone tear fall from my eyes.
"I love you Yanna.Goodbye."