Happenstance

You could always wish to go back through time and do it a different way. Either from not wearing that itchy red shirt to your first date, to not taking that awful road that made you late for your first interview. There are a lot of things, if given a chance, we would gladly want to change. Then again, maybe these things happened for a ton of good reasons, the very reason to where you are standing now, or to where you will be tomorrow. That may be our well-planned lives are just a series of happenstance.

My body swayed to the loud banging music of the club, grinding to the bodies of the two guys I have been dancing with. I was tired but I didn't have the slightest idea of stopping. My lips go over to the drink in my hand, I gulped the whole thing in one go and whispered for the guy in front of me for another one. He willingly went over the bar and I continued dancing, pressing my body carelessly to the guy on my back.

I needed all the alcohol and the flirting in my system, hoping it would wash me off the memory of the shitty break-up with that stupid asshole. 

"Damn if she didn't look like her, I might not be able to stand the sight of her, lest kissing her." 

I heard my boyfriend Craig said as my hand hovered to the knob of his door. I stopped midway with this; afraid of the unthinkable or much more of the reality of my situation. Instead of opening the door, I pressed my body closer until my right ear was almost glued to the wood.

"Dude. Come on? Would you seriously think that I'm in love with that weirdo? Oh god no!" Craig stopped, laughing horrendously at something hilarious, making him sound like a snorting pig.

"Yeah...yeah...we will do it tonight but when I pin her down and thrust into her, it'll not be her but her goddess sister I would be seeing! Yeah, man!" 

My whole body shivered with anger and I just couldn't stop myself; I opened the door. His face was a keepsake when our eyes met, his mouth hanging wide open. He snapped out of it, threw the glowing phone in his bed, and hurriedly started going to where I was rooted. 

It was too late, he was too late. I threw him the brownies his mom and I baked. Hot angry tears running down my face; I slammed shut the door before he could get to me.

"Baby wait!" he shouted, pleading with me to go back.

"We are done!" I shouted back, I was too gone and I kept running until I get into my car and started driving; nowhere in particular.

"Here you go, beautiful." I smiled at the guy as he handed me my fourth glass and I downed it, again in one go. I mouthed my thanks to him. He mirrored the plastered smile on my face and we continued grinding; exchanging body heat.

I was getting bored when I pushed them away- the two guys I have been dancing with for the past quarter-hour. I made way to the center of the throbbing bodies, parting them to make space for me. When I got what I wanted, I motioned with my hand, as if billowing all the boys to come and dance with me. In sync with the thundering music in my head, I stepped into the beat and swayed my hips. Eyes closed, my hands raised to the air and down palming the curve of my body. I inhaled deeply, taking the intoxicating smell of the place, making me high.

I heard whistling and voices of encouragement. I should have gone running a long time ago but the alcohol must be working perfectly fine, dowsing all of my leftover inhibitions. I felt no fear just pure ecstasy.

"Hi, babe you're helluva sexy vixen." I pried my eyes open to the voice whispered in my ears. "Ahh?" The guy asked, holding a white pill in his right palm, motioning me to open up my mouth. I smiled, willingly parted my mouth and he popped in the pill. My mouth slightly sucked his fingers on their way out. "Oh, goddammit! You're so hot," he breathed out in my ears, his hands measuring the humps in my back.

I should be happy, but I couldn't be. Not when what was happening were all lies. It wasn't me they were seeing but her. The carbon copy of mine.

I cried and cried in my car, driving for almost over an hour to god knows where. Then something just clicked in; I was tired of being the shadow, the good daughter, and the incognita between the two of us. I drove my way home and jumped at the sound of the dying engine. I pranced to the stairs, opening the door of the room to the left side. 

I knew very well that she wasn't there so without thinking, I opened her closet and took the hanged dress she wore to the prom. I admired the black strapless dress very much but it was too revealing for my taste, to my parent's taste. She got away with it though, she always did.

I went to the bathroom, taking a quick change. Once out, I appraised myself in the full-length mirror out in the hallway then I went back to her room for the last tiny bits of things: her golden stilettos and two of her recent photos.

"Get me this look." I handed the girl one of the photos. She looked at it for a few seconds and nodded her head for approval.

I stared unblinking at my reflection as huge chunks of my beautiful long hair were chopped off. Maybe if I would be like her, if I look like her; they'll like me too.

"Want to get out of here baby?" asked the guy between our tangled lips. My head was running wild, spinning in circles. Nothing was making sense anymore. I felt like I was on a roller coaster ride, but much, much faster than the normal one. I felt my insides were fighting with each other for the first one to get out. "Come on!" The guy pulled me out to the side, away from the people.

"No. I think it's not a good idea." I pushed away from the guy, my words coming out as slurs. But he was strong, stronger than me that I couldn't get a fighting chance.

"Hey! I'm taking my sister!" a familiar voice shouted, overpowering the noise. A hand pulled me away in a tight grip.

"I'm taking her asshole!" shouted the girl. I was almost looking in a mirror; a laugh escaped my mouth as the girl started dragging me out of the club to the eerie night.

"Get away from me! Who the hell are you to tell me what I should do!" I shouted angrily. It was because of her that I became scarred, a ruined toyed thing.

"What are you talking about? Damn dimwit! Craig called telling me that you run out on him! It was just by a stroke of stupid luck that you left your GPS on! What's going on you, Carrie?"

She kept dragging me away, to her car she pushed me in. My face slumped down, face first.

"You are what's wrong with me! I hate you! I HATE YOU!" I kicked my legs at the back of her seat like a five-year-old brat. She kept deaf ears though, oblivious to her driving. Then out of sudden she stopped, went out without a word to the convenience store outside.

I peered out the window, to my sister's back. I changed my seat and went to the driver's side.

"What are you doing Carrie? Why are you copying me? Wearing my clothes? You love that hair." She asked me the moment she entered the passenger side with cold water and an Advil in her right hand. "Drink this."

I looked at her angrily but bid to her request. I took the pill and popped it into my mouth and doused it with water.

"I hate you, you know?"

"I know, Carrie. I know."

"He likes you. He only dated me because I look exactly like you! Because I'm your twin! I wish you would die!" I spurted angrily to her; tears flowed down my face ruining my perfect drawn makeup.

"You're only saying that because you are mad. Let's go home Carrie, please? Switch places with me?" She pleaded but I won't give in this time.

I turned the ignition and started driving.

"Stop the car, Carrie! Right this minute!" she shouted, trying to take the wheel from my shaking hands.

"NO!" I retaliated, glancing at her for three short seconds but... it was enough for another car to make us swerve in circles. With a big ump and a lot of thudding sounds, our car crashed and I lost consciousness, drowning in the sea of the dark abyss.

"Cassie? Cassie? Oh my god! Simon our baby is waking up, call the doctor!" The voice of my mom wakes me up from my deep slumber. I tried moving my arms but I was hindered by so much pain.

"Mom? It hurts..." I croaked.

"Don't worry baby the doctor is on its way, hold on okay?" mom said, caressing my hair with a soft touch.

I nodded and smile, "Where is Cassie, mom?"

"What are you talking about Cassie? You are Cassie baby...and your sister, she's...she's...Oh god." My mom cried, not finishing her sentence. Dad went to her side and pulled her away, in time for the doctor to come.

"What are you feeling?" The doctor asked me, a little light she flashed in my eyes, checking.

"Fine mostly but there's pain. My mom, why is she calling me Cassie I'm not her, I'm Carrie..." I whimpered.

"It's okay, you got a concussion. It'll be clearer as you heal." The doctor injected something into my IV and then my lids felt heavy with sleep.

"Are you two sure that she's the right twin?"

"Yes...yes...she got the tattoo on her back."

The voice faded as sleep finally took me in with embracing arms.

" I love you, Carrie you know that, right? I love you that I...I forgive you. It's okay Carrie, go on live your life. Live it and be happy."