How to explain the death of a loved one to children? (English)

Suddenly one of the family members or close friend dies and it is necessary to explain to our children the reason for their absence. In these cases you have to have poise and try to share with your little one, in the simplest and clearest way you can find, the experience that everyone in the home is going through.

At his young age you cannot expect the concept of "death" to be easy for your child to understand; it is simply hard for him to understand that one of his loved ones is not closer to him and he thinks that, at some point, he will see him again.

Questions such as:

• Where is it?.

• Why did he leave?

• Why can't he go back?

Although it is not easy to face the questions of a young child in the face of a difficult circumstance such as the death of a loved one, there are certain guidelines that will help you navigate this winding path:

1-) It is best not to make up lies or promise the child that his loved one will return.

2-) Explain that the person who left can no longer move, breathe or eat.

3-) Tell him that, just like a flower that one day is beautiful the next fades, the same thing happens to people: one day they are little, as time goes by they grow, they get married, have children and when they they wither "like the flower" they die.

4-) Tell him that people, like plants, have a life span and that for some, this is longer than for others.

5-) It is a terrible mistake to leave the child on the sidelines and encourage whispers and secrets that will make him nervous. It is best to get to the point.

6-) If you are very sad, share your state of mind with him without lies. Do not hide from the child; This will cause him more anxiety than seeing the way you express your pain.

7-) If it is your pet who dies, explain why and allow him to say goodbye in his own way. If he wants to bury it with his hands, help him do it.

8-) After a few days of the sad incident, let the little one comment on the matter as many times as he wants, and if he wants to cry, comfort him.

My experience with the most recent death was 2 years ago with the death of my maternal grandfather, he had already been ill for a few months after he had a stroke and was in a wheelchair, my mother, my daughter and I went to help to my grandmother for a month (while my annual vacation from work lasted) because I had to feed him, clean him, give him his medications, in short, everything had to be done because he was practically immobile and that was a lot of work for my grandmother who is an old woman and my aunt who is also an older woman.

The day she passed away she woke up happy, we gave her sips of coffee because she liked it a lot and then her food, then my mother cut her hair because it was long. Then a guy, who had also come to help, and I shaved him, gave him a good bath and put him to sleep after giving him his medication. When it was time to give him his lunch, my uncle entered the room to change his diaper beforehand and he did it while dying, it was very strong for everyone to see how life was going for that loved one and without being able to do anything.

All this was seen by my daughter, who was 10 years old at the time and had never experienced a similar situation. She asked me: Mommy, why does grandpa look sad? I just took her out of the room quickly and told her that Grandpa was feeling bad and that soon God was going to take him to heaven so that he would no longer feel pain and I stayed with her in our room while the others resolved.

In order not to make the story so long, she was downcast over the days, sad because the grandfather was no longer with us, but she encouraged the grandmother, she told her not to cry anymore because the grandfather did not like that and that he I was now caring from heaven together with God and all our loved ones who were already there.

We let her experience grief in her own way and that also corroborates us that there are ways, less traumatic and without lying to the children, to explain the death of a loved one.

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P.S .: The lead image was taken from the website childmind.org