I'm almost there but I have to begin again

When they've said "when everything falls apart, they are falling to their right places"

I couldn't just agree to that. I don't want to submit over a certain belief that it's fine and it was meant to happen in the first place yet having no ability to reroute it all leaves me no choice but to accept everything. And do it all again even if it means starting everything off of dust.

I am under the old curriculum. I graduated from high school AY 2015 then decided to enroll in the nearest university under Allied Science Course.

My sister who's working overseas has helped me settled in by paying my college tuition fee. Back then, Our municipality offered a scholarship so I did not hesitate to apply. Fortunately, I got in and I gave my allowance to my parents. I already bought my medical kits and books so I don't need more money I'm fine with just having enough funds , besides I'm already grateful for all the help I received from those who supported my studies. All I need is to focus on studying so I can graduate without problems, get a decent job and support them in return.

I even wrote a whole journal and letter about my plans once I received my college diploma

Until a massive financial problem arrived in our family.

I won't get into detail. But the problem was so enormous that it shattered all my dreams and plans in just a second, I got depressed with what happened and I come to my darkest point in life wherein all my hope had ceased to exist.

2016-2017 I was supposed to be an incoming third-year student I already bought my third-year white uniform and lab gowns it was a set of 3 but due to our financial problem and my sister can no longer afford my tuition due to her problem, I had to transfer to a school that offers a lower amount of fees.

I browse and search for any universities that can credit my subjects however all my applications were either declined or requiring me to go back to first year to take the prerequisites subject and subjects that are university mandated. I can't go back to zero. That was what I repeatedly said to myself while combing each school that offers the same field as mine.

Luckily I found a school in Quezon city it's quite far from our location but that was my chance. I have to think through it I talk to my parents and siblings we considered the costing, lower tuition fees but the transportation to and fro is the problem it's almost the same when I have to sum up all the expenses. But compared to all the universities here in my location I don't have to go back to zero or first year, that school can credit my subject but I need to still take few subjects of second year and first year to proceed to the third year.

One year adjustment I guess that would be fine compared to two. So I was advised to grab the opportunity and my father will take care of my dormitory.

I enrolled as an irregular second-year student. I can't apply for a scholarship because I took only a few subjects and my credentials did not meet the whole unit required. I claimed that I can make a way by applying for a part-time job but here's what happened. When I receive my Class schedule even though it's only a few subjects I saw that I had only a few hours' time interval and it did not match the time for the job I was applying for. I remember I had a subject which was from 5:30 pm and 8 pm but the Job needs people who are available to start around 6 pm.

That was a really hard time for me. I was pressured and ashamed at the same time that I just keep receiving financial support from my parents and siblings. I really don't have the guts to tell them "ate, Kuya Papa, mama Wala napo akong stocks ng food dito, wala po extrangpera". That was so embarrassing for me I don't want them to worry about me and send me funds that were meant and saved for electricity and water bills.

I had to do something. I can't just sit around.

going back, I have a classmate from one subject which is an east Timorian she's an international student from East Timor or Timor Leste. (I would write a separate article about this friend of mine) I helped and tutored her with the subjects that she find hard to understand then she would share her dinner with me and give me snacks. That - I can say saved my tummy from hungry nights.

2019 I cleared all the needed subjects to proceed with third year, I passed the battery exam without any conflicts and all my grades were passing I don't have any failing grades I'm halfway there.

but then, another problem arose. And this one is greater. I felt like I was the most unfortunate, Everything that I held for so long are slowly slipping away from my grip and I know that It was the dead end.

I am not selfish. I want to finish my study but I don't want to burden my family we struggled financially So I finally decided to quit school. On the same date for my third-year enrollment. My parents blame themselves and I saw all those tears. I understand everything I'm in the right age so I told them that it's fine. I will find a Job and I will help them so they don't have to worry anymore.

Fast forward

I found a decent Job in a BPO industry I kept my mind busy from all the problems it helped my family with the expenses and paid other debts but I wasn't able to save some for studies because my family needed it more but don't get me wrong I don't complain. It sounds cringey but they are my happiness and I will always put them first no matter what.

This year 2021, my other sister Got a Job as a Software Engineer and she talked to me asked me if I want to continue my studies. I didn't lie. I said I want to. I really want to, then she told me go back to my university and inquire on how can I continue my studies and she'll take care everything . So I immediately emailed my previous school ( due to ECQ, there are travel restrictions)

I received a response. but that was a response that I don't want to read again.

I applied to other universities but all of them has the same answer. they are using the new curriculum (K12) so I have to start from the firstyear regardless of the units I have taken in the past.

I don't want to believe it.

but this is the only choice. take it or leave it

so yesterday my sister accompanied me and I enrolled as a first year AGAIN. I'm grateful but Honestly I want to cry.

If this is just a bad dream

I hope someone can wake me up.

Hi I'm abrilata, I'm new to this platform
and this is my second article.
all Gifs are original.💕