On Dealing With Pain and Demise

Grief and sadness don’t go away overnight, instead, it becomes a part of our own being. We carry it within us as we grow and try to move forward.

I didn’t listen to Ed Sheeran’s Visiting Hours at the time of its release because I wasn’t in the mood for the melancholic vibe that it may bring (also knowing that this song is written for one of his closest friends that passed away this year.)

I’ve only ever been ready when I experienced the same kind of pain, of losing someone you value dearly and love.

And the tears won’t stop falling.

I wish that Heaven had visiting hours
So I could just swing by and ask your advice
What would you do in my situation?
I haven't a clue how I'd even raise them
What would you do?
'Cause you always do what's right

I’m the first granddaughter in the family so I always say that I am his favourite “apo”. He usually attends school activities as my father used to work abroad so you can say that my sister and I are “laking lolo at lola” and it’s a good thing, because our grandparents are very caring and they taught us a lot of learnings about life.

Our grandma is 79 (she is sickly at times, but still alive). Our grandfather would have been 77 in October, but he is now one with the angels above.

Can we just talk a while until my worries disappear?
I'd tell you that I'm scared of turning out a failure
And say, "Remember that the answer's in the love that we create"
So much has changed since you've been away

Death is something that we are all expecting and it will happen to us when it’s time too, but it still hurts to lose a loved one no matter the circumstances (whether it be by a disease, accident or natural causes).

Our grandfather has long battled a mild case of Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s disease but it was mild stroke that prevented him from being able to walk that’s been the cause of his demise. He was bedridden and weak for days.

According to alz.org, “Alzheimer's is the most common cause of dementia,” which is “a general term for memory loss and other cognitive abilities serious enough to interfere with daily life.”

Meanwhile from the Mayo Clinic, “Parkinson's disease is a progressive nervous system disorder that affects movement. Symptoms start gradually, sometimes starting with a barely noticeable tremor in just one hand. Tremors are common, but the disorder also commonly causes stiffness or slowing of movement.”

There are times when he can’t remember the names of people that he kept a notebook and he would write random names in it. There are moments when he’s quick witted like normal. There are days when his hands would shake that he can’t drink water on his own, or too stiff to stand up from being seated for too long. But there are good days when he can even feed the chickens and roosters in our yard.

There are good days and there are bad. But we love him just the same. Filipino families are well-known for their close-knit ties and our family is no different. Not perfect, but loving.

It’s grief-stricken to think that he would not be with us physically anymore but there is hope that wherever he is now, he is in a much better place. A place where there is no pain. There’s only love, healing and joy given by the Lord above.

I wish that Heaven had visiting hours
And I would ask them if I could take you home
But I know what they'd say, that it's for the best
So I will live life the way you taught me
And make it on my own

I will remember him as someone who was able to provide to his family, a well-loved member of the society (he was once a barangay official), a helpful relative, and a joyful company.

I will remember his goodness and will try to live with the legacy that he’s left with us.

I will love my future family just as much as my grandfather has shown his love to us.

And I will forever be grateful for the years that he’s been with us.

May you rest in paradise, Ama! We are more than blessed to have you in our lives. You’ll live in our hearts forever. ♡

I will close the door, but I will open up my heart
And everyone I love will know exactly who you are
'Cause this is not goodbye, it is just 'til we meet again
So much has changed since you've been away

–

Song credit: Visiting Hours, Ed Sheeran

Songwriters: Ed Sheeran / Amy Wadge / Johnny Mcdaid / Scott Carter / Michael Ross Pollack / Anthony Clemons Jr / Kim Lang Smith

Visiting Hours © WMG on behalf of East West Records UK Ltd; UMPG Publishing, SONY ATV Publishing