To protect your boundaries: How to say 'no' without feeling guilty

For the vast majority of us, setting boundaries and saying 'no' to people's wishes is a very challenging action. Especially during the pandemic period, where most of us work from home and the boundaries of business and private life overlap, our habits and routines, along with our living spaces, have also entered a process of significant change. While some of us are faced with the problem of not finding personal time and space caused by spending too much time with other individuals living at home and being together, for some of us, spending the pandemic period alone makes us more sensitive and sensitive to meeting other people's wishes and needs in order to keep our social ties strong. brought.

Saying no and drawing boundaries can be a much more challenging action, especially for those who tend to please the people around them, shape all their behaviors according to the expectations of the outside, and feel lonely and expect to be loved, cared and accepted. Although being sensitive to the wishes and needs of other people is a very important virtue for a person who is a social creature, learning how to set your personal boundaries and how to say no is one of the most important prerequisites for establishing healthy relationships with yourself and others.

Why is it so hard to say no?

In order to protect your boundaries, you must first be aware of where your boundaries begin and end, which for many of us can be more challenging than delineating our personal boundaries. But having healthy boundaries is a crucial part of building healthy relationships and feeling good about ourselves. With every "no" answer you give, you must be aware that you are giving yourself space and time to focus on the things that truly bring you happiness and excitement. Having well-defined boundaries will also help you experience less stress, embrace life passionately, and find your life purpose more easily.

When you say yes to everything and don't set boundaries with people, you may feel stressed, overwhelmed and exhausted. Most of us want to please other people around us with many different motivations such as being liked, accepted, attracting attention, helping and feeling good. However, it is extremely important for you to protect your mental, mental and physical health, so that you do not consume yourself, be used and abused while pleasing other people. Especially if you are with people who make it difficult for you to say no and set boundaries, and with compelling temperaments.

Although it is difficult for us to use the word 'No' whenever we want, which is the most important requirement for setting healthy boundaries, it is possible to say no without feeling guilty and offending the other person. How Does?


Learn to listen to your intuition, not your thoughts, before answering 'yes' or 'no'

The first step in learning to set boundaries will be to try to realize what your personal boundaries and values ​​are. Sarri Gilman, author of Transform Your Boundaries, says we can explore the limits of our boundaries through the metaphor of "an inner compass with 'Yes' and 'No' written on it.

Gilman states that we all have the inner wisdom to intuitively generate a 'Yes' or 'No' response to any request, invitation or request. The reason why we find it so difficult to answer no is because we ignore this inner voice or argue with that voice through the thoughts in our minds.

It can be much more challenging to be aware of subconscious responses and act according to instincts, especially for individuals who are not used to making decisions with their intuition. Therefore, first of all, you need to harmonize with your intuition and turn hearing your inner voice into a habit by applying mindfulness practices.

When you learn to listen to the sensations, emotions and intuitions in your body as well as the thoughts in your mind by staying in the moment, you can make decisions about what you really want and don't want with the help of your inner wisdom. Listening to your inner voice by silencing your thoughts, especially when conflicting thoughts are in conflict with each other about saying no or yes, will help you make the best decision possible.

Look for ways to tolerate other people's reactions

Setting boundaries, rejecting and saying no to the people around you can pave the way for many negative emotional reactions such as anger, sadness, disappointment, and guilt. Trying to set limits, especially to those you are very intimate with, may cause different messages to be conveyed, such as that you do not love them or that you do not want to spend time together. When you try to set boundaries or answer no, people around you may get angry or angry with you.

If you're worried about how you can deal with all these feelings and what the people you're trying to limit are thinking about you, then saying no can be much more challenging for you. Therefore, learning how to tolerate the emotional reactions of people in your life and their behavior towards you in connection with it and giving the right answers in the right place will be one of the most important steps that will make it easier for you to say no.

When you don't respect your own boundaries and aren't completely honest just because you're afraid of the backlash, it becomes easier to face situations that can lead to resentment and resentment over time. The people who truly value and love you are the ones who will stay by your side, respecting your boundaries, even if they may initially feel sad or disappointed. The way you can build meaningful and real relationships is to keep the people who choose to be with you with your boundaries in your life, and to stay away from those who try to violate your boundaries even though you say it openly.

Make it a habit to practice self-compassion practices

As the saying 'No water is poured from an empty glass' sums it up quite well, if you want to be compassionate and giving to others, it is very important that you show the same compassion to yourself. You deserve to show yourself the same kindness and compassion you show others. So, to be able to say yes to yourself and no to others and maintain healthy boundaries, set aside a special weekly time for self-care practices that can help you relax, discharge and connect with yourself.

We all have different interests and hobbies that are relaxing and enjoyable to us: cooking yourself a delicious dinner, bathing in the bubbles, lighting a candle, reading a book just for fun, going for a walk, doing yoga, getting a manicure or spending time with your pets. Make a list of all the activities that you enjoy doing the most, and try to plan and implement these activities regularly. As the bond you establish with yourself gets stronger, you will see that your self-confidence rises and you can say no to other people to protect yourself.

Look for different ways to say no

Sometimes it means finding a different way of saying “no” to draw boundaries without hurting, upsetting or disappointing the other person. When you kindly, honestly and clearly explain the reason why you said no, such as, "It's a very kind offer, but it's not suitable for me." When you find, by trial and error, the most appropriate way of saying no for the other person, you won't believe how fast you've come in protecting your boundaries.

Do not personalize

Do not feel guilty for saying no, knowing that rejecting someone is usually not a personal choice. The most important reason why we communicate with people stems from our desire to meet our very basic needs such as to be loved, to belong to a group, to receive attention. Therefore, the reason why you do not want to meet with anyone or respond negatively to their requests may actually be that your basic needs are not met. ,

When you clearly and clearly communicate the purpose for which you set limits to the people around you, you will convey to both yourself and the other person that you do not intend to hurt or harm their feelings.