Stay Stuck in the Past...
**Pexels**
DROP THE OLD ROUTE AND SWIM TO THE NEW COASTS... https://www.pexels.com/tr-tr/fotograf/kent-yol-insanlar-kadin-6246501/?utm_content=attributionCopyText&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=pexels
Don't try to forget your past, try to change your future.
If you forget your past, you forget what your past has shown you; Everything you give is a gift.
Don't act like it doesn't matter. Know that you are more important; because they are absolutely important. So you decide not to repeat some of your actions.
Once you make such a decision, you can let go of your past. Letting go does not mean forgetting. It means to stop clinging to your past, as if you would suffocate without it. You're suffocating because of it.
Stop using your past to sustain yourself in thoughts of "who you are". Leave this old course and swim to the new shores.
Even people with a great past don't take advantage of their past by clinging to it when it comes to who they are. This is called "clinging to your victory," and nothing can stop growing faster.
Don't get hung up on your successes, nor persist in your mistakes. Instead, start again; start over in every precious moment of the present.
The above recommendations are taken from the book Friendship with God by N.D.Walsch.
Especially the first sentence is very important. Because most of us exhibit exactly this attitude. We either try to forget our past or come to terms with our past. Our issue is with what has happened, not what will happen.
However, we deceive ourselves without realizing it. What a futile effort it is to deal with the past when it is not possible to change what is unchangeable, that is, what has been lived and finished, and when our future is just one step away, right in front of us. Why this insistence on changing the immutable rather than shaping what has not yet happened?
Because the easiest deception is self-pity and convincing others how much effort you've put into it. Or so we think.
Our subconscious knows the truth. He knows that the unchangeable is in the past. He knows that the future is ours as much as we can do whatever we want to do. But our defense mechanisms still do. 'Run!' he tells us. 'Escape from fighting'.
As we run, we try to avoid the real problem without realizing it. Because fighting is tough, fighting requires self-confidence, faith, effort. Most importantly, it wants results, whether positive or negative. It takes the heart to bear the consequences. The issue is not what happened at the end of the war, but rather what we did in the face of those results. There is no rule that every battle will be won, but at the end of every war there should be lessons to be learned from those results. Those lessons will be our experiences, and on those experiences we will form the next first step of our lives.
**Pexels**
If we are to avoid fighting, how can we gain experience, how can we reshape our lives? Because what we call life constantly changes, takes shape, flows and changes us too. It is not a static thing. And we don't have time to stop and think. We cannot create the next day by thinking and deciding what to do. Only what happened the previous day sheds light on our tomorrow. In a sense, those who do not learn from past events are those who keep the past lighthouse that illuminates our path turned off. https://www.pexels.com/tr-tr/fotograf/bagbozumu-cicek-dizayn-kitap-10397037/?utm_content=attributionCopyText&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=pexels
Coming to terms with the past is our anger at our past and ourselves. To account for what we did not do. But what we cannot do is not in the past. They are hidden in our future and it takes a few steps to find them. A few steps forward, not backwards.
Let whatever is in the past stay there. Let's take our experiences and move on. There is so much to be done in the future!
Thank you for reading
May your days be full of happiness.
Profile Photo : **Pexels** https://www.pexels.com/tr-tr/fotograf/kadin-gozler-portre-modu-uzun-sac-9992808/?utm_content=attributionCopyText&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=pexels
Your Perspective Changes, Not People
**Pexels**
You don't understand exactly how it happened, but one day, in the middle of something simple and ordinary, your eyes open. Maybe you've known a person for 5 months or 5 years, but suddenly you get the chance to see what kind of person they are at their core in the clearest form. https://www.pexels.com/photo/crop-woman-tapping-shoulder-of-frustrated-female-friend-6383158/?utm_content=attributionCopyText&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=pexels
At that very moment, many of our dreams are shattered. From that moment on, the solid roots on which your hopes and dreams depend begin to break one by one. You realize too late that you are in a kind of illusion or that you are blinded by love. This has prevented you from seeing the truth.
No one can understand another person's true character at a glance. This requires time, mutual understanding and special moments that will reveal the small nuances of the person in front of us. Until these occur, we often fail to see the faults of others and attribute great adjectives to them. But step by step, the facts begin to emerge.
Sometimes people actually change and evolve. Difficult situations and life experiences can of course change people. However, each person has an absolute lasting essence. This essence, as a form of personality, a level of integrity, a set of values, remains constant throughout his life and does not change.
It is up to you to realize this awareness. Without accepting all the facts you see as they are, understanding the underlying meanings of people's states and actions, revealing the hidden meanings between the lines and interpreting certain behavior patterns by mastering body language are the actions that each individual should take in order to establish healthy relationships.
Sometimes, love can be an insufficient criterion to act impartially. Just because you're in love, you don't need to be swept off your feet and dulled by your logic and morality, which would take away your own inner balance and defense mechanisms.
**People don't change,**
**Pexels**
https://www.pexels.com/photo/black-activist-wearing-anonymous-mask-as-sign-of-protest-5721097/?utm_content=attributionCopyText&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=pexels
At first, everyone tries to adapt. For example, there are people who adopt a temporary approach of finding a middle ground and balance, preferring to hide their deviant attitudes, behaviors, and opinions from the person they love.
However, most such relationships develop themselves by containing a number of shortcomings. There may even be a tendency to display false virtues. We are creatures that tend to see any couple as 'ideal' without any masks or secrets.
Sooner or later, the first disappointments will appear. You will not understand how it will happen or how your loved one would say or do such a thing. However, what will happen does happen, and no matter what you do or do, there is nothing you can do to change it.
Step-by-step situations will put the relationship to the test. This occurs when the true characters of each individual in the relationship are revealed.
So what happened to this situation? How could our life, which was rosy at the beginning, change so much? The truth you have to accept in the first place is this: none of this happened overnight. It's just that real characters that we couldn't see at first appear and realizing that often hurts.
**Escaping the true identity of your loved ones**
**Pexels** https://www.pexels.com/photo/woman-blindfolded-8730085/?utm_content=attributionCopyText&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=pexels
How can you accept that someone you love is not really that person? Believe it or not, such situations are quite common and are a reality of our daily lives. In fact, it is not seen only between a couple. It can also occur in happy friendships and even between family members.
People don't change overnight, they even stay the same all this time. In reality, it is time again that shows you the true character of that person.
When we meet someone, no one has a magic potion that will allow us to see their true character. Many times, even the person himself does not know the essence. In order for people to get to know each other, it is necessary to spend special times together, to have common experiences in life, and to reveal both good and bad sides.
So, although this process may seem very complex, there are a few basic concepts to always keep in mind:
**Let everyone see you as you are**
**Pexels** https://www.pexels.com/photo/woman-in-black-crew-neck-t-shirt-9558252/?utm_content=attributionCopyText&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=pexels
It has become quite normal to see many people living on this life path wearing many different masks. Therefore, it would be a futile effort for you to be one of these people and to present yourself in another way.
Avoid idealizing people, events, and situations. Extract meaning from the words, movements, gestures, facial expressions and even silences that people express themselves. You can only understand a person by their hidden value judgments that only you can see and understand, not their constantly visible features.
**Don't expect others to change for you**
**Pexels** https://www.pexels.com/photo/woman-in-black-long-sleeved-shirt-905947/?utm_content=attributionCopyText&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=pexels
This is a mistake many people make. Sometimes it may be possible to foresee a person's character. Even if you know their flaws and see that they can hurt you, “When you're with me, everything will be different. It will change over time.” you can say.
Unfortunately, that will not be the case at all. People usually do not change much of their original character, traditions, needs and lifestyles. You will only be waiting in vain for a positive change, and this will only lead to a decrease in your self-confidence and hope. Be careful, because this situation can very easily become dangerous and painful.
The problem with sincere people is that they think everyone is like them. Therefore, it can be very difficult for them to see that others can live their lives behind a mask.
**Pexel**
https://www.pexels.com/photo/asian-man-helping-friend-to-get-up-from-ground-5368943/?utm_content=attributionCopyText&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=pexels
How Do Positive People Avoid Negative Energy?
We are surrounded by negative energy almost everywhere we go. People are always complaining, doing things that hurt them and others, or trying to bring us down with their criticism and limiting arguments. But some people remain optimistic even in the most toxic environments. So what do positive people do to avoid the negative energy that surrounds them?
**“The energy of the mind is the essence of life.”**
**– Benjamin Franklin**
Negative energy can spread and affect your thoughts and actions. Staying away from negative energy sources is essential if you want to be successful. Anyone can be affected by negative emotions, but only people who can banish them have learned how to deal with them. How Does? In that:
**Positive people create happiness from within**
Positive people do not seek happiness through external stimuli. When you seek happiness outside of yourself, when that external stimulus disappears, your morale drops as well. This leads to insecurity and addictions.
Instead, positive people look for positive energy sources within. In this way, happiness states are not so dependent on external stimuli. Their awareness helps them filter out negative energy through their search for inner peace.
**Positive people stay away from negative people**
This is one of the most important things one can do to maintain positive energy. There is a popular saying, "He who flees from luck also flees from danger". The same thing happens with positive people. When you avoid toxic people, you eliminate the risk of them poisoning you.
The problem is that to achieve this we need strength that we don't always show: courage and determination. It takes a lot of courage to avoid negative people, especially considering that the people who influence us the most are the most important people in our lives and even the people we love dearly.
But the advantages of staying away from toxic people far outweigh the disadvantages. Because when you want to be with them, you do so of your own free will, with your battery charged and your protective shield strengthened. When you make the decision, you are in control. This is a huge weapon.
Positive people believe in themselves
One of the most toxic and negative charges we all face is the negativity of those who don't believe in us, who criticize or try to limit us, projecting their own inadequacy and frustration onto us.
Positive people are aware that their success is based on their belief in themselves, they continue to believe in themselves even if no one else does. In the end, everyone is responsible for their own life.
**“Our beliefs about what we are and what we can become determine what we can become.”**
**– Anthony Robbins**
**Positive people are in touch with nature and live it**
Physical exercise releases endorphins, the hormones responsible for feeling good. Exercise also helps manage stress and boost self-esteem. This provides you with optimism and positive energy that helps you stay strong in the face of possible external waves of negativity.
Also, positive people are regularly found in nature and spend time in the fresh air. Nature and clean air; Helpful for relaxation, introspection, and self-awareness.
Exercise, being in the fresh air and spending time in nature; It helps to recharge positive energy and filter out any possible toxins that infect you.
**Positive people accept failure and take responsibility**
Positive people accept failure because they know it's the only way to learn and grow. They understand the negative feelings that failure brings, but they don't sink to the bottom. On the contrary, they gather themselves and move forward.
Also, positive people always take responsibility for what happens in their lives and don't try to blame others to justify their mistakes. Positive people focus on what they can fix and analyze their experiences and try to do better next time.
**Positive people don't need the approval of others**
Relying on other people's opinions makes you vulnerable, easily manipulated, dependent, and even dependent on others. Positive people know this; just as they know that it is impossible to please everyone. That's why they don't seek the approval of others. Instead, they act according to their own values.
They listen to the ideas of others but do not allow themselves to be influenced by them beyond what is beneficial to their growth. And they know how to appreciate constructive criticism but also deal with the kind of criticism that tries to destroy them.
**Positive people believe that everything has a solution.**
Positive people realize that everything has a solution except death. They follow the saying, "Where there is life, there is hope." For positive people, there is always a way to overcome an obstacle.
Even when they hit rock bottom, positive people manage to bounce back and look to the future with the intent to do whatever it takes to be stronger and get back on their feet.
To protect your boundaries: How to say 'no' without feeling guilty
For the vast majority of us, setting boundaries and saying 'no' to people's wishes is a very challenging action. Especially during the pandemic period, where most of us work from home and the boundaries of business and private life overlap, our habits and routines, along with our living spaces, have also entered a process of significant change. While some of us are faced with the problem of not finding personal time and space caused by spending too much time with other individuals living at home and being together, for some of us, spending the pandemic period alone makes us more sensitive and sensitive to meeting other people's wishes and needs in order to keep our social ties strong. brought.
Saying no and drawing boundaries can be a much more challenging action, especially for those who tend to please the people around them, shape all their behaviors according to the expectations of the outside, and feel lonely and expect to be loved, cared and accepted. Although being sensitive to the wishes and needs of other people is a very important virtue for a person who is a social creature, learning how to set your personal boundaries and how to say no is one of the most important prerequisites for establishing healthy relationships with yourself and others.
**Why is it so hard to say no?**
In order to protect your boundaries, you must first be aware of where your boundaries begin and end, which for many of us can be more challenging than delineating our personal boundaries. But having healthy boundaries is a crucial part of building healthy relationships and feeling good about ourselves. With every "no" answer you give, you must be aware that you are giving yourself space and time to focus on the things that truly bring you happiness and excitement. Having well-defined boundaries will also help you experience less stress, embrace life passionately, and find your life purpose more easily.
When you say yes to everything and don't set boundaries with people, you may feel stressed, overwhelmed and exhausted. Most of us want to please other people around us with many different motivations such as being liked, accepted, attracting attention, helping and feeling good. However, it is extremely important for you to protect your mental, mental and physical health, so that you do not consume yourself, be used and abused while pleasing other people. Especially if you are with people who make it difficult for you to say no and set boundaries, and with compelling temperaments.
Although it is difficult for us to use the word 'No' whenever we want, which is the most important requirement for setting healthy boundaries, it is possible to say no without feeling guilty and offending the other person. How Does?
**Learn to listen to your intuition, not your thoughts, before answering 'yes' or 'no'**
The first step in learning to set boundaries will be to try to realize what your personal boundaries and values are. Sarri Gilman, author of Transform Your Boundaries, says we can explore the limits of our boundaries through the metaphor of "an inner compass with 'Yes' and 'No' written on it.
Gilman states that we all have the inner wisdom to intuitively generate a 'Yes' or 'No' response to any request, invitation or request. The reason why we find it so difficult to answer no is because we ignore this inner voice or argue with that voice through the thoughts in our minds.
It can be much more challenging to be aware of subconscious responses and act according to instincts, especially for individuals who are not used to making decisions with their intuition. Therefore, first of all, you need to harmonize with your intuition and turn hearing your inner voice into a habit by applying mindfulness practices.
When you learn to listen to the sensations, emotions and intuitions in your body as well as the thoughts in your mind by staying in the moment, you can make decisions about what you really want and don't want with the help of your inner wisdom. Listening to your inner voice by silencing your thoughts, especially when conflicting thoughts are in conflict with each other about saying no or yes, will help you make the best decision possible.
**Look for ways to tolerate other people's reactions**
Setting boundaries, rejecting and saying no to the people around you can pave the way for many negative emotional reactions such as anger, sadness, disappointment, and guilt. Trying to set limits, especially to those you are very intimate with, may cause different messages to be conveyed, such as that you do not love them or that you do not want to spend time together. When you try to set boundaries or answer no, people around you may get angry or angry with you.
If you're worried about how you can deal with all these feelings and what the people you're trying to limit are thinking about you, then saying no can be much more challenging for you. Therefore, learning how to tolerate the emotional reactions of people in your life and their behavior towards you in connection with it and giving the right answers in the right place will be one of the most important steps that will make it easier for you to say no.
When you don't respect your own boundaries and aren't completely honest just because you're afraid of the backlash, it becomes easier to face situations that can lead to resentment and resentment over time. The people who truly value and love you are the ones who will stay by your side, respecting your boundaries, even if they may initially feel sad or disappointed. The way you can build meaningful and real relationships is to keep the people who choose to be with you with your boundaries in your life, and to stay away from those who try to violate your boundaries even though you say it openly.
**Make it a habit to practice self-compassion practices**
As the saying 'No water is poured from an empty glass' sums it up quite well, if you want to be compassionate and giving to others, it is very important that you show the same compassion to yourself. You deserve to show yourself the same kindness and compassion you show others. So, to be able to say yes to yourself and no to others and maintain healthy boundaries, set aside a special weekly time for self-care practices that can help you relax, discharge and connect with yourself.
We all have different interests and hobbies that are relaxing and enjoyable to us: cooking yourself a delicious dinner, bathing in the bubbles, lighting a candle, reading a book just for fun, going for a walk, doing yoga, getting a manicure or spending time with your pets. Make a list of all the activities that you enjoy doing the most, and try to plan and implement these activities regularly. As the bond you establish with yourself gets stronger, you will see that your self-confidence rises and you can say no to other people to protect yourself.
**Look for different ways to say no**
Sometimes it means finding a different way of saying “no” to draw boundaries without hurting, upsetting or disappointing the other person. When you kindly, honestly and clearly explain the reason why you said no, such as, "It's a very kind offer, but it's not suitable for me." When you find, by trial and error, the most appropriate way of saying no for the other person, you won't believe how fast you've come in protecting your boundaries.
**Do not personalize**
Do not feel guilty for saying no, knowing that rejecting someone is usually not a personal choice. The most important reason why we communicate with people stems from our desire to meet our very basic needs such as to be loved, to belong to a group, to receive attention. Therefore, the reason why you do not want to meet with anyone or respond negatively to their requests may actually be that your basic needs are not met. ,
When you clearly and clearly communicate the purpose for which you set limits to the people around you, you will convey to both yourself and the other person that you do not intend to hurt or harm their feelings.
I Only Focus on What Makes Me Feel Good
We go through some stages when we need to decide on our priorities. Whenever possible, we should avoid being enslaved by expectations that harm us unknowingly and from things that make us feel bad.
Sometimes we can act freely without caring about the opinions of others. There are times when other opinions are not important and at such times we just want to take a deep breath and relax and be ourselves.
At certain times in our lives, we get rid of the idea that we should be concerned with the problems of others rather than our own. Other people's problems also wear us out; so it would be a good idea to distance ourselves from them. In this way, we indirectly empty our minds and become aware of who we are.
**In order to be happy, we must distance ourselves from certain things.**
To be happy, we must avoid suppressing our emotions. Trying to block an emotion will affect us more later on. For example, most of us try to suppress our feelings of unhappiness.
We fail to realize that being happy comes from accepting, understanding ourselves, and allowing ourselves to experience our emotions. We must not forget that all our feelings deserve to be expressed.
This is about self-knowledge and personal growth. If we think of our face as a puzzle, unhappiness will also be a part of this puzzle, and when we hide our fears, our smile will disappear as a result.
So why? Because we ignore the part of us that is trying to tell us something, whereas this feeling also needs to be heard. Therefore, we must set our feelings free and express our feelings without hiding.
**Freeing the emotions is the key to happiness**
Living emotions freely is the cornerstone of mental health. Focusing on understanding how we feel and letting go of our emotions helps to purify our soul.
We can reach maturity by not holding back when we want to cry, experiencing our joy, and showing it when we are angry.
To reach this maturity, we must develop our awareness ability, which enables us to be more interested in what is and how we feel. This means being aware of everything that is going on around us.
It would also be a good idea to review our habits. We can make it a habit to write down how we feel or what's going on around us during the day. Concentrating on emotional experiences is the best way to satisfy our neglected need for expression.
**Reconnect with your emotional side**
Both the good and bad sides of our experiences are stored in our brains. The brain processes everything, loads and unloads information. The intensity of the conflicts in our minds and the emotions we express are felt in the amygdala, our emotional watchdog.
Besides the hippocampus, this is where every emotional event resides. The amygdala's function of storing memories and experiences is also the reason why we sometimes get answers to the questions we ask, and sometimes we don't.
In fact, if we train our brain, we do not perceive every emotional event as trauma and we can easily get over it. The amygdala, which is responsible for 'remembering' the emotional past, together with the prefrontal cortex will facilitate the processing and regulation of different emotions.
For this reason, it is necessary to list the brain in alphabetical order and not let the things we feel leave this order. At certain times, we must realize that we are actually building a wall between us and the realities in our lives and rejecting what our emotions are trying to tell us.
The biggest obstacle to living our day : Ego
Are you one of those who expect that thing you aim to be happy, to be treated as you want? Or is it someone who thinks they can never be happy because of an unfulfilled expectation in the past? There are so many "obstacles" for us to be happy, right?
Is it really so, or are we missing a detail?
Our minds tend to rely on time to be happy. He either clings to the past or hopes for the future. With exceptions, he cannot fully experience the present moment, and he keeps turning the past or future time. Those who realize this turn to themselves from time to time and say, "Well, let me live the moment then!" Unfortunately, such an easy transition is not possible. Because they miss one detail: Our dear ego!
There are pages and pages of detail that can be written on the ego. But in its simplest form, it can be said that it contains everything that we see as ourselves and define ourselves through stories such as "me/mine". The repetitive patterns of emotion, thought, and reaction with which we identify ourselves are all factors that make up the ego. To give an example, your feeling of beauty-ugly, your perception of success-failure and your criteria, the emotions that arise when you feel unsuccessful according to these criteria, your angry reactions to events that have or did not happen, and hundreds more are parts of your ego, that is, your "self" story. It is not possible for you to live in the present moment because of the negative energy released as a result of all these thoughts, feelings and reactions created by your ego. Because all these cause you to pass the events through these filters and perceive things accordingly while looking at life like the glasses you put on your eyes.
I decided to write about this subject with the inspiration that came while reading this sentence and the rest of the relevant chapter in the book. Because it created a great awareness in me and helped me understand the subject more easily. I was also excited thinking about the awareness that it would awaken in many people while reading it. Eckhart Tolle, in his book, presents the connection between many related subjects such as awareness and ego to his readers in a very understandable language, while in the part that inspired me, he deals with the distorted relationship of ego and the present moment.
Eckhart Tolle, in him book The Power of Being, includes a very accurate statement summarizing this issue: “The ego is a broken relationship with the present moment.”
He states and explains that our ego's corrupt relationship with the present moment can take three forms. In the first type of relationship, the ego sees the present moment as a means to achieve its purpose. And because you are constantly trying to go somewhere else in the present moment, you can never be fully here. An example of this would be the things you are doing now for happy days to come, and the inability to fully live in the present moment. In the second, the ego sees the present moment as an obstacle to be overcome. He ignores the moment he lives until he reaches his goal and spends those moments in impatience and stress. Is it starting to look familiar? In the third, the ego sees the present moment as its enemy. Disliking the things you do, the environment you are in, and making complaints and accusations can be given as examples.
If you want to make peace with the present moment and live more in the present moment rather than the past or the future, the first thing you need to do is to start getting to know your ego and noticing its relationship to the present moment. For this reason, you often ask yourself, “What is my relationship to the present moment?” you can ask and classify your situation according to these three relationship types. And asking this question again and again every time you think of it, not just once, will be the key to transformation.
It is in our nature to find barriers between wanting to be happy and truly being. Changing that is a choice we can make. One of the most important steps to overcome these obstacles is to recognize our ego and its relation to the present moment. As you start to recognize and realize this, you can observe that the obstacles to happiness begin to disappear and your state of being happy increases.
With love...
Source: The Power of Being by Eckhart Tolle
to be Happy all the time...
I would like to comment on one of the most frequently asked questions with you. “Is it possible to be happy all the time?” Why can't I be happy all the time? What if I was always happy? Are you always happy? When I am happy, I am always afraid that it will deteriorate, I don't know why I am so worried, I want to be happy all the time, but I am also afraid that when I am happy, I will lose it immediately...
What a tiring paragraph this paragraph was! Well, let's see together today, who is always happy? Is always happy one of us? Does he always look at himself happily? If we are always happy, do we have no purpose in life? Wouldn't a person who is always happy be unhappy "even once in a while"?
First of all, we need to examine our definition of happiness very, very deeply. I would like to ask ourselves once, "What is happiness?", that is, at what moments are we "happy", that is, are we really happy, not just a momentary happiness, but really, to the very depths, when we say we feel it in every cell, we are very, very happy?
I will try to answer for you; My happiness is to come to my house, which I love in “peace” every evening, even though I am healthy and tired, and I thank you very much and find it again very thankfully. I seem to hear you say... But once you lose that peace, you get hurt so much, you can't find a place to fit in, and you get hurt so much that this is one of the most beautiful happiness I can find in life...
Then being able to run for miles just by wearing my shoes is being able to fill this world with my lungs, every cell of me realizes what I am doing, what a wonderful thing it is to be able to walk and even run without needing a person with health… Yes, when you lose your beautiful feet, you realize how hard it is to step on your feet, people. he walks past you quickly and you look away… For that moment of walking, you will give the worlds to be able to do that dynamic movement and take just one step again with health… That is why the freedom and freedom of being able to run, even if it is rain or snow, by just wearing my sneakers. It is to be able to focus only on the breath I take on the roads and be grateful for every breath I take and take… And happiness is “the moment I come home”. With this tiredness, it is to be able to thank my feet that accompany me one by one for being with me and accompanying me every moment in this life.
That's not all, there are those that will make us "always happy", and there are those that are very easy… It is such a magic that it comes out of you and returns to you again. It is very, very simple; Giving is verb. This is giving love, if you are a mother, this is giving money, if you are a father, for example, this is giving a hand to an old woman and helping her walk, this is being able to offer to serve… This is a pure verb of “giving”, you don’t always have to physically give anything or something, this is your ability to give to the universe.
That's why writing is my happiest moments… It makes me think that my voice will resonate when I am not in this universe tomorrow, it is to “touch the life of even a person”, maybe to give encouragement, maybe to encourage them to say that they love, maybe to be the last straw to go on a trip, maybe to go abroad. is to shed the tears that she cannot shed from her heart with one sentence, and perhaps to beautify the universe with these “given” words…
“Is it that simple?” you will say now, my answer is “yes”… Although we refuse to see it in any way, even if we expect much bigger gains, events, maybe a lover, maybe a girlfriend, maybe a lot of money, for that “amazing” moment of happiness, in fact, that moment is every moment. the moment is with us. On the other hand, we wait persistently, there is no happiness in waiting, waiting is for its future...
However, it is possible to be happy all the time, but when we look at ourselves, when we can do this, then we can be happy all the time. So much so that when we see the magnificence of the breath we take, when we understand the extraordinary design of the step we take, maybe when we can listen to how precious and “granted” even a single beat of our heart is, maybe when we can see that we have something great like being able to “smell” the sea scent that this universe offers us…
Here, permanent happiness is possible only when we can take care of ourselves. But this is not an ordinary look and pass, it requires looking deeply to truly understand. Once in life, we want to thank for everything we can see the color "blue", for the hands given to us, for our beautiful lips, for the unique design of our creation, and most importantly for our heart, for being able to fall in love, for being equipped with the ability to love, and for being human. for…
you are reading this article today, is "happiness" missing in your life? I wish you to come back to yourself, go for a walk, first smell the grass, then watch the clouds, then drink a good cup of coffee, and then lovingly hold a white rose in your hand, feeling its presence by “tapping”…
It is as simple as this sentence, to be happy, to stay happy, to be happy with what you are today and to be very, very happy, without “waiting” for the one who will always be out, a future lover, a possible marriage, the next job, the next holiday, the money you can't find today. …
"Be yourself!" They say: How possible is it to be ourselves?
"Be yourself!" How does his motto make you feel? What image comes to mind in your mind? Is it a state of freedom, the pleasure of being able to express emotions and mind comfortably, and a bit of self-confidence intoxication? Maybe a way of being that you've always wanted and never been able to achieve? Maybe a utopia that sounds very good but you can't find a response in your own life? In fact, sometimes the price you pay when you say "let me be like myself"?
While talking about this subject, I think we should first come to terms with that indefinite concept called "me". What am I, who am I, how do I establish myself? Although it is not easy to answer these questions, let's do an experiment.
When a person is born in an environment and time that he did not choose, in conditions that he did not choose, he has a material body and an inner (mental) world that he did not choose. He is trying to maintain his existence and self in an outside world that he cannot control from a body that he can partially control. In the world outside itself, there are objects, other living things and people. While things are a little easier in relation to objects because they are fixed entities, it is not so easy in relation to other people. You ask why?
I have been interacting with other people since I was born. These people make some judgments and comments about me. For example, they like something I did as a child and they applaud me, they get angry at some things, they are insensitive to some things, they exclude or condemn me for some of my behaviors. They approve or disapprove. Since I feel happiness and peace when I am approved over time, and I feel excluded when I am not approved, and because exclusion is not bearable for any of us as a social creature, external judgments have an impact on my emotions and behaviors. In other words, my accepted behaviors are getting stronger, and I give up on the ones that are not accepted sooner or later. Sometimes the approval of even a small group, not the whole society, can act as a reinforcer. On the other hand, there are also things that come from within me, what I want to do and desires.
Let's say I'm at a friend's table and I'm so hungry that I want to sweep everything away, but the possible negative judgment of others prevents me from doing so. Or I just gobble it up and don't care about the attitude of others. Both attitudes have certain consequences. When I clean the table, I will be seen as an egoist, and when I restrain myself, I will not risk being disliked by acting as others expect, but I will suppress my desires and needs. If I don't hold back in the example of the table, the price I will pay can only be a reprimand, but if I get too caught up in my instincts and inner desires, if I try to act as I feel at every moment, it is inevitable that I will be ostracized sooner or later by the society. Such people are isolated by the society either in prisons for committing crimes or in hospitals as sociopaths, antisocials and psychopaths. In other words, all kinds of human societies continue their existence with a mechanism that does not allow them to go beyond the values and compromises they have created. These common judgments change according to time, environment and geography, but they always exist. For example, if we lived in the Ottoman Empire or Victorian England one hundred and fifty years ago, or if we were born in America or Iran today, we would encounter different social teachings, so we would be completely different people with different habits.
In line with these determinations, it would not be wrong to say that the so-called "me" is formed by the feedbacks of the outer world, not by what comes from our inner world. On the other hand, each person perceives and experiences what he calls "I" as a content. We know to a great extent the inconsistencies, desires, confusions and intentions in our inner world. However, we perceive other people as images, that is, we see only the outside, not the inside of them. Since we do not have a chance to know other people's inner worlds and their minds, we know and evaluate them with assumptions or as much as they can express themselves. Moreover, people have the ability to show themselves differently. Even if there is no conscious deception, the person cannot reveal himself as he is, for the reasons I have explained above, out of fear of being out of society. Language and communication are very valuable tools for us to understand each other, but contain falsehoods… It is inevitable that we use big and small and multi-faceted filters in every relationship. We do not have a chance to open and reveal our inner world with one hundred percent openness.
Here, unfortunately, we see an important contradiction, a dilemma regarding human beings. We are social creatures who want acceptance and approval, and we do not have the chance to fully live out our own desires and impulses for the continuation of social reconciliation. We are controlled by society. Moreover, this control takes place continuously and uninterruptedly. For example, if you get angry about something and do unexpected things, become aggressive or show violence when you are with a group of friends that you are approved and adopted, you will upset the judgments of that group that have been formed up to that point and lose your reputation. Repeat this a few times, and it is inevitable that you will be excluded from even the most trusted environment. In short, some (a large amount) of falsity is necessary in our relations with others, under the headings of diplomacy, courtesy, and compromise. For example, even if you are in an anarchist community that does not recognize rules and rejects sociality, this time you need to regulate your behavior within the framework of anarchism.
Although I may not seem to be able to give you good news about "being like yourself", I think we can reduce our dilemmas on this subject by being aware of some things and making small adjustments in our lives. We can start by realizing that all the contradictions and tensions we experience are a common situation that we share with other people. Since we cannot escape the nature of being human, we can only turn small wins into big victories. For example, by being together more with people we are comfortable with; by being more present in non-solid environments where we use less filters; instead of stigmatizing a kind world as “fake”, thinking that it somehow serves our happiness; Remembering that even in the face of its natural elements, man is not a living creature with rigid lines, but is flexible and open to change. Some of the change comes with “acceptance” and some of it comes with “courage”… If you are on a land on which you will never be able to grow, like the courage to migrate to another land instead of giving up being a plant… Only in this way can we take care of “ourselves”.
@Zotrivous
