They didn't understand me.

September 9, 2022

10:36 PM

Good evening guys. I hope you had a great Friday today.

As you can see on the title I am not still okay today. I am crying almost everyday as I don't know what to do or what to feel. As you all know we had an issue on living on my in-laws house and it seems like we are obligated to live there now as my mother in-laws condition became worst each day.

My husband talk to me yesterday and I cried so hard even if he explain it to me calmly and clearly I still didn't get the point why we need to live there. I know it's our conscience if my mother inlaw died and we didn't live there but it's also the conscience of my husband's siblings who lived beside there house.

My husband told me that my mother in-laws also asked him and he wants him to be there. I had no problem about living there if my family is okay. If there's somebody who will take good care of our house and everything but theres no one.

My husband promise me that if we live there we still visit by weekend so that my father will not to be alone everytime he will go home. He promised me that we will not abandoned my father. I was in heavy tears because even if I said yes to him it's not from the heart. God knows how I love my family and He knows that it's not easy for me to do things like this.

My husband told me to talk to my siblings and I did. I chatted on our group chat but the only one who answered was my brother. He told me that it's up to us if we want to live there but for sure our father will be sad which is the thing that we don't want to happened.

I also told them that I will still take good care of my niece because my mother don't want to go home here and this October she will going to my brothers house to take good care of my niece since @mhel_dita will go to work soon.

I have lot of thoughts in my mind. How about our dog. If we live there who's the one who will feed him. What about our rabbits. What about our house. What if someone enter our house and do the robbery. How about my son schooling? They will transfer to other school and I know it's a lot of adjustment as I am not familiar with the place.

What about our finances? Here my father is the one who bought the rice for us. Me and my sister are the one who pay the bills and she give me some money for the food allowance.

It's not easy for me to decide but if I insisted what I want me and my husband will going to be complicated even my his siblings and relatives.

My husband told me I will not have the freedom to my responsibility on my family if I will not try. I am not aiming for the freedom , yes it's not easy but it's okay as long as I know it's for my family. It's okay if it's hard as long as I can able to help them and be with them. I don't want freedom if the return is that I can longer help them.

They didn't understand what how I feel. They didn't understand me. They didn't witnessed our family back then. They didn't know the sacrifices of my father just to raise us. They didn't know the feeling of having a complete family before and ended up broken. They didn't know the pain of an eldest child who are willing to do everything just to unite thier love ones. They didn't understand my anxieties and breakdowns. They didn't understand my fears and worries. They just didn't.