She loves me in her own way.

Let me begin this article by saying a Happy Mother's Day to all the moms here in this platform.

I finished reading the article of Jeaneth about how she reminisce her memories with her mother and I commented there that I want to write an article like than but I didn't remember anything aside from those negative once maybe because the pain is still there but deep inside I know she did her best to be a good mom to us. I am started to cry while typing this because she's not with us anymore. I mean she leave the house a couple of days ago and go to Pampanga and work there. My parents is not in good terms because of my mother's fault and the only way to make my father calm is to make Mama leave the house.

She doesn't want to live on my siblings house in Manila. We cant do anything here in the house because my father is here and I just messaged my siblings that since we are four we can do our role as thier child. The two of my siblings always call Mama and send some money and me and my sister here is the one who take good care of my father. I told it to my siblings so that all of us has some shares in regards with our family problem.

I know , I am looking for some extra care for my mother when I was a kid until now that I am a mother too. I am not a bad child to not appreciate her as my mom. As I am typing this I remember the times that I felt that my mother loves me. I am crying now again 😭

The first time I felt that she loves me was way back 2002 when I had a dengue fever and I need to confine in the hospital because my dengue that time is stage three wherein my tummy is bleeding inside. We are on the ambulance that time and my Mama is crying because she was so worried to me. Even if I am in pained that time I managed to smile and said to my self. My Mama loves me.

The second one was when she visited me in my Aunts house in Manila. She stayed there for about a week and she witnessed how I rendered overtime everyday. I go to work 5 AM in the morning and go home 9 PM because of traffic. From those moments , I feel the mothers presence that I am looking for. I don't need to think about the food I will eat because she already prepared for it. She reminds me to take my water with me when I am going to work. She washed my clothes and clean my room and that's a few things that I didn't felt during those times that I am living alone in Manila.

Third one was when I got pregnant. She always check on me if I go to the clinic for check up. She checked my vitamins and my situation if I can able to go in my work. She always called me and telling me my baby had some baby stuffs in the province. I go to the province when my tummy was exactly 9 months and she already prepared the needs of my baby from the soap, baby oil, alcohol and baby clothes. She's also the one who's with me in the hospital and my guide when my son was still a baby and I don't know how to changed his clothes and take him to bath. She's the one who make lullaby to my son when I can't manage to him stop from crying.

I also remember the times the she told her friends that I am praying at night. I thought she didn't hear it but she did. I am so happy that time because it feels like she's proud of me. When she told her friends that I am working at the office and earn good salary. But that's not true 😂 My salary is not enough to sustain our needs but I still managed to send money to them every payday that's why I always rendered overtime.

My Mama and I were not closed , we are not the typical mother and daughter who hug and kiss each other or open problems to each other. She's not like that. If I am doing the first move , she didn't answer me and I feel like she was not interested and as I grew up we became like that. She didn't know the first time I got a menstruation unlike on the other mother and daughter , thier mother is the one who will guide them during those times. She didnt knew that I Excell in school and I am a deans Lister on college because she didn't asked me about that thing but still I try to understand her.

My father is the one who knows all of that. He know all of my heartbreaks ,.my little success as well as failures. He's the one who became the version of the mother I am longing. He always told me to understand my mother and we did.

Now that I am a mother , I already feel the sacrifice of a woman just to perform the responsibility of being the light of the home. I make sure to be a good mom to my son and provide all the love and care he needs. I don't want to happened that time comes and he will also said that he was longing for love and care to me. I will do my best to be tbe best mother to him and support him on his dreams and guide him on that journey. I know the feeling of not having a mother beside you and I will not let my son experienced it.