It's painful to see that our family end up like this.

Warning : This article is only an online diary. If you are not interested , you can skip this.

My brother chatted me last night and said that my mother called him and then said these words to him. This is the exact messages of my brother. I just copy paste it.

Tumawag saken kanina si mama .. First time ko lang sa kanya narinig to.

Anak pasensya na sa lahat ng nagawa ko sa inyong lahat. Sana mapatawad nyo pa ako kahit sobrang laki ng kasalanan ko sa inyo. Magtulungan kayong magkakapatid ha. Wag kayong magaaway. Alam ko kaya nyo na mga sarili nyo. Alam ko din na lumaki nmn kayo ng maayos. Kaya nyo na din nmn mga sarili nyo. Kaya nyo na na wala ako. Basta hindi ko kayo pinabayaan nung mga bata pa kayo. Itlog alam ko kaya mo na sarili mo saka si ate at si pate. Basta wag nyo papabayaan c utoy kahit pasaway, tulungan nyo sya. Basta magtulungan kayo. Hindi ko na alam kung saan ko lulugar sarili ko ..

Habang pinapakinggan ko nga sya umiiyak lang ako. Hindi na ako nakapagsalita.

Sobrang pagod na daw sya. Sana na nga mabilisan ung pag release ng bahay ko eh para naalagaan ko sya.

I recieved this messages after we went to the store to buy some gifts to my son. I am crying while reading this as it seems a suicidal note or a farewell letter. I hide my tears to my father because I don't want to tell him what's happening that time. I only show the messages to my husband so that he will understand why I am crying.

I feel so anxious for these past few days and it feels like my head want to explore again as I don't really know what to feel and what to do.

I replied to my brothers message..

Ayan kasi yung consequences nung mga ginawa nya at sana natutunan nya leksyon nya. Hindi ako masamang anak, alam ko din naman na inalagaan nya tayo pero hindi ko alam kung paano ba gagawin

Awang awa ako oo , araw araw iniisip ko din kung ano kalagayan nya. Na kailangan pa humantong sa ganito kalagayan nya pero sya din naman may kasalanan bakit nagkaganyan sya. Dyan sya dinala nung mga desisyon nya e. Sobrang dali humingi ng tawad noon nung hindi pa ganon kakomplikado. Diba kinausap mo na si Papa. Kung gusto nya umuwi dito umuwi na sya.

But my mother don't want to go here. That's why we didn't know what to do. My father already forgive her and promised that he will never talk about the past but make sure once my mother went home she will change herself for the better. That's the only condition of my father.

Magbago sya at hindi na ulitin pa yung ginawa na.

I sleep early last night and didn't manage to interact again because of heavy feelings then when I woke up I received a message from my cousin saying that my mother is there in their house. My cousin said the my mother arrived last night because she dont want to come here because my father is still here last night. Then I told my cousin this message.

Ayaw nya harapin si papa hihingi lang sya ng tawad dipa nya magawa. Wala syang kasalanan samin, kay Papa meron. Sana nung napagdesisyunan nyang umuwi e handa na sana syang humingi ng tawad kay Papa.

After our conversation I didn't able to drink my coffee anyone and went to my cousins house to see my mother. To be honest I am mad at her because of what she did to my father but it doesn't mean that I dont love her and don't give a care to her anymore. I am not a bad daughter but just like what I said " don't normalize the idea that because she's pitiful you will give the sympathy and forget what she has done. " Yes she's forgiven but she needs to prove also the she deserves the forgiveness. Do you understand what I am trying to say?

I know all of us want a happy complete family even me. Who didn't want that. It's painful to see that our family end up with this and it's even more painful because they are getting older and we have our own family.

As of now my mother is staying in my grandmother's house. She said she will go here later in the evening. My father didn't know that she's here already and I am thinking if I will tell my father about it.

Earlier I am crying while having a conversation with my cousins asking about my mother.