I don't have a choice but to continue life.

This is the moment that I am scared of. I know it's not just me but all the moms out there. We cant afford to got sick because we have a responsibility as a mother and also as housewife. As much as you take care of yourself , sometimes we can't avoid to feel sick because of changing of weather or even the stress that we are carrying.

Tuesday night when I felt something strange on my body. That was the time that I posted in noise.cash that I will be watching Camille on Raffy Tulfo in Action. While I am watching on my mobile phone , my body seems shakening and feels like I need a blanket to cover my body. I get the blanket and cover my body while watching. It's too late that night when I finished watching, I think it's 11:30 PM that time. I tried to sleep after I watched but I can't. I just closed my eyes and try to sleep but my son woke up and want a breastfeeding. My son was breastfed too long and I am not comfortable sleeping in side lying position. I think I feel sleep by 1 PM and when I got sleep my throat started to be itchy in reason of I can't sleep anymore.

Yesterday , I still observe myself if I am having a cold or what. I still clean the house and take good care of the toddlers. I also drink iced coffee because of my stress to my younger brother. On the middle of the day. I started to feel the headache and I know that I will be having a cough and cold. My cough is dry that's why it's itchy in the throat. I don't have any person that can help me in the house and I don't want to disturb my father because he is still recovering. I still manage to take good care of the toddler until my sister go home after her work. I became silent and didn't tell her that I'm not okay but my father already heard my cough and he asked me if I'm okay. I told that I'm okay and I can managed this. He told me to drink some medicine but I told him that a water therapy will do because I didn't drink any medicine when I have cough, I only do water therapy.

My husband got home and by that time I am lying in the bed and didn't prepared for his food because my head was in pain. I asked him to take good care of our son first because I want to rest. I have a good sleep last night but still not feeling well when I woke up.

My husband told me that he will not go to work if I am sick but I told him not to be absent and I can managed to move around the house. My father told me that he will be the one who will take good care of his grandchildren and told me to rest but I said that I'm okay. I cooked for our food , clean the house and bath the toddlers and after that I go to bed and rest and let the toddlers play around.

I barely posted on Facebook how I feel or what's going on with me as I am not into that but today I posted this just to inform them that I'm not okay. I got emotional when my father asked me if I'm okay because even a simple act can make me feel cared and loved. My husband saw me crying and he asked me why. I don't want to tell him because I will cry more but I will share here why I cried.

Back then , me and my father are living together in Manila and yes , we are the shoulder to lean on of each other we are there for each other through ups and down. Sometimes we fight because I am always want to explain my side but most of the time we are okay sharing our thoughts. I just remember the times that I got sick in Manila and even if he has work as taxi driver , he always check on me , buy me food and medicine that's why I cried because of all the people my father is the one who always show some care and love to me.

As an eldest among my siblings , I know it's.my responsibility to make sure that they are okay but it comes to the points that I collapsed. Earlier I thought of this. I don't have any problem regarding with my Son and husband but I am having a headache thinking and helping about the problem of my siblings and also my parents. My husband and my father had a conversation yesterday. My husband told me that my father said to him , your wife has no rest all day. He was there for recovery and maybe he observed my tiring daily routine and from those days that he stayed in the house he also got stress of the activeness of the todlers.

My husband asked me if I want anything or I want a food or a massage tonight but I refused. I just want some rest , to free my mind on the thought that gives me anxiety. I just hugged him and take a little nap while he was waiting until he go back to work. I also wear a facemask to make sure that the toddlers will be safe from the virus I am carrying.

As of the moment that I am typing this. My feeling gets a little well and I'm looking forward to be okay just like the past day because it's hard when I sick. I am also looking forward to a stress free environment and all aspects of our life will be okay. It's so hard to fight on the anxieties all day and it's hard to pretend that you're okay even if you're not but you need to do it because you have no choice.