I am free from my old self.

I'm no longer , what I used to be.

I am stronger because you lived in me

The old is gone , the new has come

I'm alive.

Still remember this song lyrics when I decided to follow Jesus again and decided to be a brand new person. It was played during the worship service way back 2017.

This is my story about freedom. Jane mentioned me on her article which is

Freedom spilling the beans and letting go of the darkest past

And I will share my freedom story.

There's a lot of freedom in this world and everyone of us is entitled for that freedom because human has freewill , but the freedom that I will going to share now is the freedom on my old self. So let's start the story.

My old self

My past life was not so good. Call it miserable if you want because of many wrong decisions in life. I was onced a church person before but like what my former officemates it's hard to be back on serving. I am exposed in worldly perspective. I am curious about everything that the world has to offer without thinking if that action will sacrifice my dignity as a woman. I was so liberated but not a whore , I still look innocent but behind those innocent face is a different me.

I am just a typical Manila girl who just go with the flow. Manila night life was fun. City light are fascinating to my eyes too. I experienced to go on the bars and stayed there until dawn and went home drunk. I don't care if I am with the boys. I love to be with them because of some reasons. I am so used with that kind of set up especially when I was working as a Sales Representative where my team are mostly boys. Our favorite hang out is on River Banks Marikina and Gateway Cubao. I always lie to my father everytime he asked me where I am going. I also lie to my boyfriend just to be with my officemates. From college up to my working days alcohol has been a part of my life. I love when I see a bottle with a moist outside because it's cold. Everytime I drink a nestea juice I tasted the empirador lights something like that. I can longer count if how many times I sleep in other house because I am drunk and lie to my father about what really happened.

I also experienced a one night stand not once but five times. The first one is a guy that I trusted easily and because of my innocence he got me. Second is my ultimate crush and that affair happened when I am in a relationship. How bad I am right? The third one is from I guy that I met a couple of years ago and what happened to us is just a trip and we still agree on it. The fourth one is happened because I am drunk but I know before I choose to drunk in thier house there will something happened after. And the last one happened 2017 before I met my husband. It was my team leader on my previous job that has a crush on me who take advantage because I am drunk but I still managed to get along with him and stayed on the company for more years.

I am so wasted and lost my respect to myself and thinking if one day my life can still changed on a way that is better than what I am that time. I always pray to God that I am not loosing my hope that someday He will grant my wish. Every boyfriend that I had that time was an answered prayer for me but end up to nothing.

Until I met a guy who is my husband now.

The new me.

This guy has been a big part of my changes. He's the one who helped me back on serving and he was the one who encouraged me to be a good Christian again. He showed me how life is good and how a woman deserve to be treated better.

I decided to be a better person and let go all of what was happened in the past. I know that I have a lot of mistakes in the past but with God nothing is impossible. Like what they said to me those mistakes will lead to a testimony someday and I am doing it now. I forget all of the mistakes I did and once you decided to do that God will help you to start a new life.

I decided to quit drinking alcohol. It is not easy for me to do that as my friends are always drinking and it is serves as our bonding but I did. I did because I want to change for the better. I explained to them my reasons and they are happy with me so everytime we have a set they will only offer me a juice and then they drink. Now I am 4 years alcohol free.

I also avoid bad words or mura in Tagalog. Thanks to my husband of reminding me always. I will be forever grateful to this man!

I changed the way I dress and be aware of what I am looking if I looked so decently. He was the one who choose what clothes I'll be wearing and he told me to declutter those crop tops and shorts that I usually wear on the past.

Things that I experienced

I can freely express myself and find my happiness in some other things.

I experienced to travel and see the nature's beauty.

I experienced to hang out with people who has a strong faith in Christ.

I experienced to be free.

Free from judgement and free from fear that those happening in the past might happen on me again.

Now I must say that God loves me because despite of all the mistakes that I need he still grant my wish. To have a loving husband that I have been prayed for and He gives us an adorable son that was the greatest blessings I have ever received.

I am Mommy Yen and I am free from my old self.