At the end of the day I am lifting all of it to the Lord.

Yesterday is not a good day for me. After I have started my preloved clothes online selling it seems that my daily routine change. Imagine we take a shower 3 PM in the afternoon and the kids woke up at 5:30 PM resulting that they can't go outside to play anymore because the sun is setting down already.

Then I thought of this , I can be busy for anything but I should know my priority and that's my son and my husband. There are times that I am so busy to the point that I didn't noticed my son and ended up they are doing something on his own and I can't give the attention she wants and from that moment that I am feeling that kind of way I told to myself that I can't be like that. Maybe I can give up something to have time for my son and my niece.

I am busy finding money so every platform and even outside online world because I need it for my husband medication. My savings last year are all gone because of his intravetreal injection and I am pressured to grind more everyday because he's not okay yet. We didn't know when is the time that his eyes will totally healed and to be honest we are already disappointed on the hospital and we are planning to have a second opinion on Manila.

A few days ago I read the article of Mommy @Pachuchay and I commented on her and said she earned a lot like 273$ is a big amount to us but then she replied how she wish it is meant to hold but not , she needs to withdraw it for their daily expenses. As I read her reply I told her that I will DM her in TG just to share what I'm feeling that time.

I chatted her in telegram and said that I feel the same way because of my husband's medication. Way back last year when we didn't find out yet the condition of my husband I am very motivated for my goal , to earn and save Bitcoincash and use it to build our future house but the incident happened wherein I need to withdraw my savings and even withdraw my earnings everyday just to provide. Sometimes I am feeling demotivated seeing my poor wallet after all the hardworks in writing everyday.

Sometimes I am demotivated thinking that my future earnings will be gone also and my goals and my dream will not happened because of circumstances. I am feeling bad for myself because of feeling that way but I am just human and it's normal to feel that way? I don't know.

Then there's this Pegaxy again that cause my stress also because I am envy with them because they have own pega. I really want to invest but I don't want to risk the remaining money on my wallet because it's for my husband's medication. I have " if only question " that moment. But despite of the negatives and demotivation I can still find to lift up myself because of the Lord. I just think that it's not yet our season and we have a lot of time to achieved our goals and dreams together.

I always thinks that this situation is only temporary and by Gods grace I know time will come that we will achieved our goals and dreams.

Then earlier when my husband came here for lunch he told me that the Pegaxy is so pricey now like 100,000 pesos and I said yes and then I told them that I knew Pegaxy when it was 300$ and then 800$ but I didn't invested because I am thinking about him. I just released all my frustrations but I am not blaming his eye condition. I am just naghihinayang with all the so called opportunities but because of circumstances I failed to grab it.

When he leave the house I browse my Facebook account and saw my memories way back 2017. It was a Bible verse in Mathew 7 13:14 saying Jesus never said it would be easy but He said it would be worth it.

I am still holding on to the better plans of the Lord for us.. I maybe demotivated , envy , waisted , have a lot of questions , exhausted but at the end of the day I always lift up all of it to the Lord. I'm still holding to my life verse John 13: 7 , and Jeremiah 29:11 and to my husband's life verse Philippians 4:13 💕