The 5 Why’s Test

A message from June: Day 5

Sequel to People Will Always Talk

In life, no matter what you do be it good or bad, people will always have something to say about it. This act is unavoidable; it has to come for everyone has the right to express how they feel notwithstanding how what is expressed make you feel but why do you even care so much about someone else’s opinion?

It is a default setting.

As a social being you seek approval from others.

No self acceptance/confidence

It is a Default Setting: when a child is born, he/she knows absolutely nothing like a new book with blank pages. The parents are the first to input something in this blank book by teaching and showing you what to do and what not to from changing your sleeping position, stopping you from sucking your thumb and other things. They gave you positive strokes of encouragement when you tried to walk as an infant and when you started going to school; they approved or disapproved the grades you brought home. You also received feedback and input from other persons like your teacher, uncle, aunties and of course your friends. This shows that your earliest view of yourself was formed through the lens of other persons other than yourselves and for this reason,

We become so used to these views or inputs whether good or bad that you tend to forget that you’ve got your own voice, you forget about your personal opinion about yourself. You now feel that your thoughts are now secondary and others primary living for others not yourself and seeking for validation for anything that concerns you be it true or wrong. For example,

Sheila is going to a party with her friends. When she was done dressing up for the event, she looked into the mirror and a little voice in her head tells her she’s beautiful but she’s not sure about that. I’ll ask my friends instead she said

Sheila meets May – how do I look dear?

May (obviously jealous of her looks) – this dress doesn’t look good on you and the make up looks wacky. You should have done ….

Sheila believed her friend. Felt she isn’t beautiful and lost confidence because

She lacked self acceptance – a lot of people lack self confidence in themselves not because of anything other than lack of self acceptance. Because they are used to people’s validation and rely solely on them, they lost themselves and see no reason to discover who they really are so when people’s views of them is negative, they slip into depression and the next thing you hear is suicide.

No matter what is being experienced in your life, show empathy to yourself, discover, forgive and accept yourself. With this information in heart , you’ll be confident and bold, you’ll be able to narrow and define your interactions with people who challenge you to be a better version of yourself.

If you want to make a decision and your friends or family are advising other wise, do the 5 why’s test.

Ask yourself why you are taking that decision. Eg because of A

Ask again – why am I doing this because of the (answer) in this case.

Do this three more times and if you feel your answers are valid then go all in with your decision

If you feel like people are saying something that ain’t true about you, analyze and see if there’s something you consciously did and if there is apologise and move on and if there isn’t, dress well and take yourself out. you’ve go to the level where people talk about you (people don’t waste their time talking about someone who’s got nothing to offer).

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