Saudade

Lead Image from unsplash

Last night was a different feeling and I couldn't sleep. I am dozing right now because of lack of sleep. I hated this feeling of missing someone I couldn't have in my side. I needed to sing something for myself in order for me to sleep while tapping myself. Yes, I did it for the sake of sleeping and yes, that's me when I want to sleep or missed someone. Since I am feeling the later, I sing the song of air supply entitled "Having you Near Me".

I came to you and never asked to much

Wondering what you would say

Hoping you'd understand

It's not a role I usually play

I missed him so badly that I think of so much things. I want to come to him and won't ask to much but just to stay with his side. Literally. Even seeing him is enough. But I am thinking, what will he say? Would he say I am not a decent girl? Would he asked, what kind of girl I am? He never heard of me asking such and he know that I wouldn't ask that to him because that's not me. I wouldn't dare to asked him. But right now that's what I really wanted. Right now that's what I really needed.

Don't speak too much of what's been going on

The past is over and gone

Give me your troubled mind

You know it's due

I can do so much for you

I want you

I don't want him to think who and what I am. I just want him to be with me. To ease this feeling of longing and emptiness. I would choose to battled with judgement than be here alone with this pain. I can do more than that. I can live with it anyways. But feeling this longing? I don't know until when could I bare it. My heart is shouting "I want you" and it's more than that "I need you".

[Chorus:]

Having you near me

Holding you near me

I want you to stay and never go away

It's so right, having you near me

Holding you near me

I'll love you tonight, it feels so right

Feels so right

I want to hold him. I want to look in his eyes. Hear his heart beats and smell his fragrance. I know it's too much to ask of staying forever but at least this moment would you he? It's what I needed tonight, yes that's right. I want to hold him, even just hold him. It would mean so much to me. Just to ease this feeling.

Closing thought

Missing someone is normal especially to someone close to our heart, someone we did not see for long time or someone far away from us. The loneliness that we would feel makes us do things just to comfort ourselves. It's okay to cry or whatever it is to make yourself better. Feel it. Do something about it. Let go. Move on. Life is design to be like that. We must not dwell so much on the feeling or else we'll lose ourselves. It's okay not to be okay sometimes. It's okay to miss something or someone in our life sometimes. That way we know how to value things or people around us.

How about you do you miss something or someone in your life lately?

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