Your fat.
Your face is round.
You have big thighs.
Your walk like a duck
You are like a thumbtacks.
You are have big tummy.
You are like a barrel, no curve.
You are like a pig.
What happen to you?
Have you heard those words? Have you experience being told by people around you by those painful words? Who told you that? Is it just the people around you? Or even family members do? How do you feel? How do you react?
Well, for me this comes out normally whenever they see my physical appearance. Normal it may seem because I have heard it every now and then still it cut the deepest part of me, my heart and my soul. It shattered my confidence. The most painful part is that my family members are the one that would constantly bully me of how fat and big I am. I know, they are just concern and reminding me that I should do something about it. Still it is so painful that even my family couldn't accept me for who I am. They are the people whom I trust the most and love the most but then whom we love the most will hurt us the most, I believe.
It started since college and even get worse when I came home after quarantine days. What more you expect? I have foods, I don't do anything and I am bored. What should I do then? Do you expect me to work out? Of course I didn't. I ate, sleep, ate and then sleep the whole time. If you have read my 14 days quarantine articles, you would know that I cooked and ate a lot that time. What do you expect from me after that? Sexy? Slim? No! Of course I didn't. I am way far from that. I am a total opposite to that. I get fat. My face get rounded, my tummy is big and so as my thighs. And I am so ugly to look at because I am a petite girl. I am short and fat. Can you imagine that? My brother used to call me "gasol" the gas that you use in the kitchen. See? Even my own blood stab me. Double kill. Plus Mom saying I am like a duck when I walk because of big thighs. Tripple kill. Plus my neighbor asked me, what did you ate? Savage. And they talked about what happenned to me. Maniac. I am super, duper hurt and all I can do is cry.
I got stressed about it and the only thing I could think as an outlet is food. I feel comfort to all the hurtful words when I am full. And whenever I am full, I sleep. For me to skip the harsh reality of the world. My anxiety ate me whole and I couldn't get out. I may be smiling infront of all the people around me but I am so broken inside. I cried every night and I am so sensitive. I get upset for small things and lock myself to my own world everytime. I am to tired. Tired of all the hurtful words that they throw at me everyday. I am tired of all the drama that I am dealing with. I am so tired. And I want to disappear in this world.
One day I wake up in the morning and decide I should get up and start to fight back. I should not allow them to win. That very moment January 1, 2021 12:00 am, New year's day I told myself I would disappear, my old self should. I will let myself lose. Lose of all the physical and emotional weight that I have.
This month marks the start of my 6th month in the journey that I chose. All their hurtful words become my motivation. All those people who judge me before become my motivation. Most especially, my family. I use their criticism as motivation to continue to move and never skip my workout and never cheat on my diet. I know I am still a work in progress but I could see visible results. They already tell me that I am sexy and slim right now, but I won't stop up until I will reach my goal.
It is not for them to tell me and stop criticizing me. Or for them to tell me they would take back their hurtful words. But it is for me, for myself. All I have done is for me. For me to gain confidence and make myself happy. It is all for me. Thanks to their hurtful words that turn into motivation. I turn myself into a better version of me.
Whatever people tell us, let's not change ourselves to please them. Change yourself for you. For you to be happy and to be confident. Don't dwell unto their hurtful words, they will say whatever they want to say. And they will always have something to say whatever you do. So do everything to please yourself. You deserve to be happy.
This is a response to @Zhyne06 challenge about motivation which @JonicaBradley initiated. Thank you so much.
Thank you also to all my friends who supported me through their upvotes and warm messages, you know who you are and I appreciate you all.
Special mention to my sponsor @Panky thank you so much.
I love you all 🥰😘
It is good to acquire self-esteem and not let yourself be belittled by the world. We are what we are and that is how God loves us. Others who get tired of offending will someday realize that there is more to people than just their physical condition.