Can't have the rainbow without a little rain

Today is raining her in my side of the globe. It pouring hard and create harsh sound in our roof. When some think of sleeping soundly during rainy days, I myself couldn't bare the sound of it. I couldn't sleep when rain pours hard and rough. It's like a trauma of living near the river all my life. Having to worry when rain pours cause the river might get full and flood visit as sooner or later. This trauma that I had to carry on with life even I guess if I had stable house and not living near the river. It's always been a scar that scratch me from the inside and become my signature. A mindset that rain would cause flood and harm us. My mom even had nervous breakdown whenever flood is coming that is cause by so much rain and I guess I, too would have it sooner or maybe it's been there already, reciding in me.

When I was a kid, I remember I enjoy much during rainy days. I would always love playing outside the rain. Some other times I would just watch from the window how the beautiful the rain falls in the ground. I would always love to hear it's sounds and even play my hands with ears topping it to create some sort of sound that I would enjoy but now that I get older, I recent rainy days. I would remember how hard it is for us to deal with the rain. The rain that cause flood and would make us wet crossing just to go to school or went home. It feels bitter whenever I remember how the rain gets my back hurt because I always slipped while walking on a wet pavement. A small wet Aile in the middle of the rice plant. It gets me teary eyed how it always brought us miserable life every rainy season. Destroying our plants and leave us nothing. Making us to feel unsafe even under our own roof.

Teary eyed yet a smile slide my face. A bitter smile. The rain may cause havoc. It may cause trauma but it makes me alert. It makes me ready of what might happen after the rain. It gives me an adrenaline to prepare myself whatever may come. Funny it may sounds that one of the reason why rain gets me worried is that I don't know how to swim. A survival skill that I should have learned but failed to do so. Yet, I need to suck it up. Pretend that I don't worry at all just merely base on those aspect. But yes, I worried not just that but in so many things.

In life they say, " you can't have a rainbow without a little rain" I guess it surely is. It may seem gives me worries but as life thoughts me so many lessons because of so many challenges, it wasn't a little rain anymore. It was a tons of rain pouring roughly on me. Yet here I am living life maybe not for what I want and merely surviving but I am proud of it. The rain gives worries but it keeps my faith burning. It keeps my determination. Cause whenever I look back in the past it keeps me reminded that I did survive with all those rains and floods, I did survive. And I believe that sooner or later when the rain stops I will see the rainbow before me. I will see that glimpse of hope and will vanish the worries in me. And would strengthen me through this borrowed life that I have.

Greetings to my lovely sponsor. Greetings to you all. A rainy day from me to you . Thank you for reading me. God bless.

Lead image from Unsplash