Many years ago, I was at a yard sale when I came across a book called, "Why is it Always About You?" I picked it up on a whim without reading the back cover, assuming it would be a self-help book for me. As it turned out, the book was not about me. It was about the narcissists in my life.
Needless to say, that book opened my eyes in so many ways. Since then, I have learned so much more about narcissism and the noticeable traits of those who may have the mental disorder including:
Best of the Best -
A narcissist generally has to be the very best at everything they do. They are a competitor out to win and losers are not tolerated in their game. You must be ready and willing to play to just barely under their level, but never beyond it. They must always be in control, always.
A good example of a narcissist who must be the best at everything they do is:
A co-worker who outdoes and outshines at his job. He is at the top of his game and he will tell you about it. He may attempt to take charge even if he is not your boss and try to make you follow his ideas, his rules.
Lack of Responsibility -
A narcissist will often refuse to take responsibility for their actions or mistakes and will even try to blame it on someone else, usually someone they often talk about, but you have rarely met or they could even direct their blame at you.
A good example of a narcissist who refuses to take responsibility for herself is:
A spouse who forgot to make the rent payment again. Her husband asks what happened to which she replies, "Well, I would have made that rent payment if my co-worker hadn't stopped me after work to ask about next week's schedule. And you know, you could have called to remind me, so it's your fault the rent payment didn't get made!"
No Boundaries -
Narcissists have no boundaries. They will find a way to get exactly what they want no matter the cost. They will even go to great links by throwing a family member under the bus if it will benefit them.
A good example of a narcissist who has no boundaries is:
Your husband wants to buy a new guitar, but the budget is tight this month because it's your daughter's sweet sixteen party and it was already planned months in advance. You explain to him why it's not possible this month, but you could fit it into the budget next month, only to discover a few days later he bought the guitar using the money you had saved for the birthday party. His reason, he thought it was extra money and he had no idea that you were planning a party for her.
No Empathy -
A narcissist will have no empathy for those in his or her life even though it may appear differently at work. He or she doesn't care about anyone, but himself or herself and will do what it takes to advance themselves even if they must pretend. In general, a narcissist who is in a relationship will most likely show no empathy, even if your health depended on it.
A good example of a narcissist who shows no empathy is:
Maybe a boss at work knows you have the flu, but demands that you come into work anyway and suck it up because you're a wimp and will never get anywhere in life because you let the flu and you being on your feels like a deathbed moment become an excuse not to work.
Know-It-All -
Most narcissists are know-it-alls. They think they know everything and in their eyes, you are just stupid. Plain and simple.
A good example of a know-it-all narcissist would be:
A truck driver who knows that his semi-truck only runs on diesel fuel, but the guy in the Corvette at the gas pump insists that it runs on regular unleaded gasoline. The truck driver argues that it will only run on diesel fuel, but the guy in the Corvette tells him he's a fool because he knows he is right and a semi-truck only runs on regular unleaded gasoline.
First Impression -
Many narcissists will give off an outstanding first impression when you meet them. It will be one you will remember because that is their goal. They want you to take notice! They want you to believe or see that they are great at their job, their life, or being in a relationship.
A good example of a narcissist and a first impression is:
A manager who is hiring is impressed by the potential hire who has shown him that she goes above and beyond as an employee, so that manager hires her on the spot. A few months later that manager starts to see her true colors like coming into work late, taking too many breaks, and so forth.
Avert the Conversation -
Most narcissists will almost always make sure that the focus is on them at all times. They don't care what you have to say and will avert the conversation from you to them in a matter of seconds.
A good example of a narcissist who averts a conversation is:
Sally tells her friend Julie about the cute dress she saw on sale at that department store on Lewis Avenue and Julie says, she was just on Lewis Avenue this morning and she saw this cute guy, whom she got to know at the coffee shop just around the corner from her favorite thrift store.
Trainwreck Life -
Many narcissists will have tell-tell signs of a trainwreck life meaning they bounce from job to job, relationship to relationship, never staying in one place for very long. They are always on the go, on the move.
A good example of a train wreck narcissist would be:
A roommate who doesn't keep a job for very long. He or she may stay at the job for as little as a week or as long as a few months with an excuse they see as viable on why they quit. In addition to bouncing from job to job, your roommate may have unstable relationships that come and go in her life.
Cheating -
While cheating isn't just the trait of a narcissist, it is very common in most who are in a relationship. A narcissist who cheats has a need and if their partner doesn't fulfill that need in their eyes, they will find it in someone else, whether it's the guy next door or the co-worker at work.
Taking Advantage -
A narcissist will almost always take advantage of you or a situation to fulfill their needs.
A good example of a narcissist who may be taking advantage of someone is:
An employee who is always late for work comes in early one day and asks the boss if they can leave early because of an appointment and make it up by coming in an hour earlier the next day. The boss agrees, but the employee comes in two hours later the next day stating they had car trouble and would stay two hours later that day. But, instead of staying two hours later, they make another excuse to go home.
The traits mentioned above are just a few examples that a narcissist may have. Remember, no two narcissists are alike, meaning he or she may exhibit other signs that are not mentioned here.
