Identifying Core Beliefs, More Like Deep-Rooted Fears

Wednesday, 30th March

Question for you...

What are Core Beliefs in Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy (CBT)?

Core beliefs are a person's most central ideas about themselves, others, and the world. These beliefs act like a lens through which every situation and life experience is seen. In cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), core beliefs are thought to underlie automatic thoughts. They are the very essence of how we see ourselves, other people, the world, and the future.

Some core beliefs (and supportive beliefs) might be:

• I am bad. (I can't do anything right.)

• I am not smart. (I will succeed if I try.)

• I am unlovable. (Nobody will ever appreciate me.)

• People are untrustworthy. (People will take advantage and hurt me if they have a chance.)

• The world is dangerous/not safe.

All of the above and so many more are examples of core beliefs. We should bare in mind that for some of us, we have had thoughts similar to this at some point in our lives and probably some are still having thoughts like this, thinking it is their reality; thinking it is their truth. But, in actuality, it's really isn't. It's only a core belief we have and thank God for therapy and CBT there is a way to healthily let go of such thoughts, emotions and behaviours.

Now, let's take one of these core beliefs as a case study and try to use CBT to show you the truth and bring you to a more healthy way to react to thoughts, emotions and behaviours like this.

Let me just say, I am no expert, infact I am just learning about CBT for the first time today thanks to Big big Brother K and it really helped me to unpack a whole lot about myself and also deal with mighty loaded questions I have about myself. Trust me, there's still a lot of work to be done on myself on the road to self acceptance. Today, I just would like to show you a glimpse of how helpful and healthy it can be to identify these thoughts, release yourselves from these thoughts and ask yourselves these challenging, loaded questions and see how CBT can help bring you a little closer to self acceptance in a healthy fashion, if you let it and do the work.

I saw this video where they were able to CBT to help someone identify their deep rooted core belief and I would like to recreate the conversation here in this article. I would also drop the link to the video so you could check it out. It's really helpful, trust!

Now, Patient X believes that-

I am unlovable by everyone.

I think on some level, it is impossible that we are loved by everyone but I'll have you know that this is a truly common core belief that most people have. Like it's our basic human drive to feel loved, nurtured and taken care of and if we don't have that, it chips away at our emotional well-being and even cause us physical pain.

Well, this is going to be conversational so please try to engage and be present as we delve into this particular core belief.

Patient X: Doctor, I recently just broke up with my long term partner and it's been one of many breakups I've had in my life. At this point, I feel like I'm running out of time, the clock is ticking and I don't think I'll find somebody who loves me. I've dated a lot of people and nothing is changing. My depression is at an all-time high because of it.

Doctor B: I'm sorry about your breakup and I'm sorry that it has led to a cascade of those in your head and you're having questions about yourself and your future. I would like to try a technique with you. It is a practice technique called laddering, which helps you to organize these automatic thoughts you've just mentioned and get to the root cause. Now, let's tackle of one your automatic thoughts.

Patient X: Alright, Okay.

Doctor B: I heard you say, "I don't think I'll find somebody who loves me." Tell me, if your automatic thought is that, what might that mean? What does that thought mean to you?

Patient X: Well, I look at my friends, my family and other people and they have love, they are married, having kids, posting pictures and sending out Christmas cards with their families and s/o in them. I look at them with all that love, meaning and purpose and I feel like I would never have that. I have nothing. I will be alone... I am alone and I am lonely. That is simply devastating.

Doctor B: Alright, now answer me this; what would it mean if you're alone? What if that did happen, what would it mean about you?

Patient X: It would mean that on one hand people...umm I mean on one hand, I don't... hmm... well, it would mean that people don't wanna be with me... which is awful... yeah which is an awful thought and it would also mean that I wouldn't be able to enjoy life how I could you know. I would miss out on dinners, vacations, weekend trips, children, legacy, memories etc There is just a long list of things I would miss out on.

Doctor B: Okay, and you've just said that it would be that nobody wants to be with you. What if that were true, what would it mean? Like if it is a fact that nobody wants to be with you, what would that mean to you?

Patient X: (takes a deep breath) It would... mean that there's... something wrong with... me.

Doctor B: And if there's something wrong with you? If that thought was true then what would it mean?

Patient X: It would mean that I haven't done a good job in my life. That I- I haven't... am not someone people wanna be around.

Doctor B: And if that were true, what would that mean about you? That people don't want to be in a relationship with you. That you haven't done a good job and people don't wanna be around you, what does that say about you?

Patient X: That I-- that I am... umm... I am worthless. That I am a waste of time.

Doctor B: Well, there you have it, that is the core belief. Sometimes, people would say I'm worthless or I'm unlovable. Often times, it is interchangeable and with this laddering technique, we got to the root cause of this core belief. I kept asking what it would mean if it were to be true and as a result, we went deeper and deeper until we identified the root cause, the underlying belief.

I wanna be clear about something, your core beliefs aren't necessarily what you believe about yourself, they are simply your biggest fears. Meaning that if those thoughts, those fear are true it would be devastating. Like, if it were to be true that you're infact worthless or unlovable, it ultimately would be devastating.

Also, the good thing about CBT is that it helps you realise this by yourself. It helps you unpack and answer these difficult questions. For instance, if someone asks you if you think you're worthless, you might say No! But with this, you'll see that you actually dig deeper and come to the realisation of these automatic/negative thoughts you have in your head are simply your biggest fears and now that you are aware of them you can start to treat them by doing the work. Like I said, there's still more work to be done on the road to self-acceptance.

Here's the link to the video- to learn more, check it out

Image source- pixabay.com