It's okay to say that “I AM NOT OKAY”

“Hindi ako okay” mga salitang mahirap bigkasin.

Bakit nga ba ito ay tila mahirap bigkasin? Bakit sa tuwing tinatanong tayo, patuloy na nabibigkas ng ating mga bibig ang sagot na “okay lang ako”?

Okay ka pa rin, kahit pagod at sugatan galing sa mundong nakaka-pagod?

Yesterday, i went to the house of one of my friend. She messaged me that she's not yet enrolled, even though the face-to-face classes will start in this month. So, i replied to her messages and i didn't ask her why does it happen, i know that she's facing family and financial issues. Even before and until now. I accompanied her to enroll and get her card as well. Now, she's already enrolled, and we just need to wait for the releases of sections.

After we go to school, we went to their second house which is our tambayan, and we decided to sit for an hour. Their second house is just a little place, and i called it as kubol because it's look like kubo. It's hard to explain you know but, that's kubo is simply a little space where you can find your peace of mind and comfort because the atmosphere is surrounded by trees and sea. If i lived to that place, i can be happy alone as hell, IMAO.

So, when we tambay to that kubo, we just sat and listening to music. I'm just staring to the sea, while my friend is leaning to the wall and staring to the sea as well. Seems like we're having a heavy problem that time, BWHAHAHAHA. Minutes passed, i break the silence and i asked her why she's quiet, and then she said It's nothing. So, i'm anxious because i'm not kind of friend who is a easy to believe when you said that you're okay. I always observe my surroundings.

I asked her straight to the point if she's okay, even i hesitate at first. I don't know why i felt hesitation to ask that time, i'm always asking my friends and family if they're okay mentally, tho. Then, she just nodded to me and i asked her again if it's true. “Para kang tanga! Oo nga sabi!” she answered. The silence begins again.

“Okay lang sabihin na hindi ka okay” (It's okay to say that you're not okay), i suddenly said while i turning my face to look at her. She just laughed at the middle of awkwardness. So, i'm also laugh because of her response to my serious face. Minsan lang maging seryoso, tinawanan pa. She just says cursed words towards me and my laugh turn into loudly. And then, eventually, my mouth immediately said, “malay ko ba kasi, baka mamaya tawa ka lang nang tawa pero hindi ka na pala okay.” She was too stunned to speak. “Sabi na, eh.” I added.

I asked her what she's going through right now and still, family problem. She rants to me her resentment to her family and i just listened. To be honest, i don't know how to comfort but i know how to listen, and i always doing it every time there's someone who venting their feelings and issues. I believe that only 'listen' can be a big help for those people that unstable mentally.

So, after she rants to me, the only thing that i advise to her is “kung hindi sila proud sa'yo, nandito ako.”

“Tapos katabi naman kita” i added hastily to make her happy even it's corny. mais ko talaga. And then, after the drama i just encourage her to eat and then, i told her my chika. Chika session has happened during eating BWAHAAHHAHAHHA. Before 4 pm, i decided to come back home because my mom would be armalite again.

Fast-forward. It happened yesterday. And then earlier, when i woke up, i brush my teeth and eat the breakfast. After i did these, i decided to use my phone to ask my friend if she's already okay, i open my account and i see this lsm for me.

I don't know what would i feel. But the certain thing, her message made my day. She's grateful to me without thinking, i should be grateful to her because she shared her problem without thinking i can be traitor to her. People can be deceiving, so it's an honor to me that there's a person trusting my sincerity.

Some of us always use the words “i'm okay”, to not receive any judgements, to look strong or to not be as the ADDITION in the concerns of others. It's certainly that everyone has a problem, and it depends on you if you will keep it to yourself or just share it to anyone. But, always remember that it's okay to say that you're not okay. It's okay to be true to yourself. It's okay to look that you're not okay in the eyes of others, it's okay to admit that you're tired in everything. Because at the end of the day, everyone could be 'not okay'. Everyone could feel tired, pain, and frustration. Who's the person that always okay?? No one. But there are people who always look okay and happy bcs of simply pretending.

It's not a law that you shall follow all the times. Saying you're not okay will never mean that you're a weak person, sapagkat darating ang panahon na sobra tayong madudurog. At kapag dumating 'yon, kailangan nating ipaalam sa iba na hindi tayo okay. Hindi natin kakayanin na nakanatiling nakangiti sa kabila ng durog na durog na puso.

Admitting that you're not okay won't less you as a human. So again, it's okay to not be okay.