Low self-esteem and your life

Your self-esteem is your overall evaluation of yourself. It is the extent to which you hold positive or negative views about yourself. It is your own opinion of your dignity or worth, your feelings of self-respect and self-confidence.

Your self-esteem is simply how you see yourself. It is either you approve or disapprove of what you see. It is like standing in front of a mirror looking at yourself and judging the reflection. Self-esteem is therefore correlated with the formation of self-image and self-conscience.

WHAT IS LOW SELF-ESTEEM?

Low self-esteem is a mental state of an individual who lacks confidence in himself. People struggling with this challenge usually feel inadequate, incompetent and unloved. A critical look at their lifestyle will reveal that they are usually afraid of making mistakes or failing in the expectations of others.

Negative thoughts are common with individuals suffering from low self-esteem. When your thoughts or an inner voice keeps telling you that you are not good enough even when sometimes, prevailing circumstances reveal otherwise, you are likely suffering from low self-esteem.

SIGNS OF LOW SELF-ESTEEM

• Sensitive to criticism

People struggling with low-self esteem are usually sensitive to criticism. They see it as reinforcing their flaws and confirming that they are incapable of doing anything right.

• Unnecessary Hostility

Constant unnecessary and avoidable hostility in some persons can be linked to low self-esteem. The tendency to lash out or become aggressive towards others is a defense mechanism for persons struggling with low self-esteem especially when they feel that they are about to be exposed or criticized.

• Social Withdrawal or Avoidance Behaviours

Social avoidance is very common in people with low self-esteem. They fear that others will see their weaknesses and reject or ridicule them. Therefore, they avoid social situations or opportunities. Many avoid more intimate social relationships such as dating and marriage. As a lifestyle not to socialize, they decline invitations to go to parties or meet up with friends. They can cancel scheduled plans at the last-minute. Generally, they just do not want to explore opportunities to be around others. Persons suffering from low self-esteem may not have the desire to hold a conversation for too long or beyond the surface as it may expose their flaws.

• Camoulaging

Camouflaging is a common way of life among people with low self-esteem. Most of then camouflage disliked body areas for example, covering disliked areas with a hat, makeup, clothing, hair, or sunglasses. Many camouflage by holding their body in positions that make the disliked areas less visible to others. They have the inner urge to cover up the errors in their lives and appear much better than who they really are. They are so much concerned about how others see them.

• Mental and Physical Health Issues

Low self-esteem has been shown to lead to mental and physical health issues such as depression, anxiety, and anorexia (eating disorder that can have fatal consequences. People suffering from anorexia consume very restrictive quantities of food, which leads to starvation. Eventually they can become very emaciated and malnourished). Low self-esteem can also lead to unhealthy habits such as drug or alcohol abuse.

HOW YOUR SELF-ESTEEM AFFECTS YOUR LOVE LIFE

Your self-esteem is significantly associated with your mental health, satisfaction with life, happiness, hope and ultimately, your love life. Its role in psychological functioning cannot be overemphasized. People with high self-esteem experience more happiness, optimism, and motivation than those with low self-esteem. They also experience less depression, anxiety, and negative mood because they can positively moderate dysfunctional situations and depressive symptoms in life. So, high self-esteem is a must factor in order to attain the feeling of happiness. Happiness is too contagious. As it flows from you, it circulates in you environment. Your constant happy mood can affect and influence your partner. Who wants to be around a partner who regularly exudes negative energy? A high level of self-esteem supplies you with the ability to accept happy moments, to handle unpleasant situations, to cope effectively with challenges, to engage in close relationships and to improve your strengths. Sound self-esteem brings you closer to your partner. When you are satisfied with what you see in yourself, you can confidently bring yourself closer to your partner.

How you see yourself matters a lot in a relationship. On a scale of 1-10, what is your personal score of the person you are'? Do you love the person you see in the mirror standing right before you? If you do not love yourself, how would you expect another person to love you? Is it not foolhardy to worry and complain because someone else does not approve of what you have disapproved of yourself? Have you made advances before towards a person of the opposite sex for a relationship which turned out a flop Did your relationship crumble along the way to your chagrin, for no apparent reason? Did your partner fall head over heels in love with you, but suddenly got cold feet, and you are almost pushing and mounting pressure to sustain the relationship Maybe it is time to stop searching for the problem outside. Maybe it's time to look inwards. Your assessment of the reflection in the mirror may be the reason.

People with high self-esteem are more resilient to the struggles of life. They are more likely to persist in the face of failure or difficult tasks than those with low self-esteem. Sound self-esteem is important for self-regulation and good quality of life. It is necessary for maintaining a positive viewpont to issues. It also helps you to see the unique aspects of life. When your self-esteem is sound, you can easily identify your latent talents and significantly improve your creative faculties. When an individual believes in himself, when he loves himself, he simply ignites a sense of joy or happiness within himself, which is a necessary factor for a sweet and impactful relationship. Who wants to be with a wimp?

Your self-esteem will reflect in the way you treat your partner as well as the way your partner will see you. Having a sound self-esteem equips you to come into your relationship with a positive outlook. With such outlook, you can easily create different avenues for exploring precious moments, even in the face of difficulties in life, thereby reducing friction in the relationship. Having a sound self esteem entails accepting yourself as you are. It enables you to remain confident in your decisions and forthright in expressing your likes and dislikes. Your partner will get inspired by your faith in your own self, which in turn, fuels your self-esteem even more. Don't change yourself in order to suit others. Just be yourself.

Having a healthy self-esteem is very important for good personal and social adjustments. Your sound self-esteem will show in your communication flow with your partner. Imagine seeing yourself less than your partner. That is low self-esteem which will reflect in your interactions and dealings with him or her. It is disaster waiting to happen. Conversely, sound or healthy self-esteem helps you to build a lasting relationship. Why see yourself as unfit to be with your partner? You are unique and special. When you think you are not handsome or beautiful enough to match up with your partner, when you sub-consciously belittle yourself in his or her presence, that's self-defeat. You've lost the 'battle' before it began. No relationship blossoms on such soil.

To deal with low self-esteem, you have to learn to guard your thoughts with diligence, accommodate your mistakes and see yourself the way God sees you.

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