Desolation

Desolation is a feeling of great sadness and loneliness. It can make you become many things including being obsessed with the person you are dating. If you are someone who doesn’t have much friends or you don’t relate with people then you will know what I’m talking about. There was a time I loved someone more than the way I love myself. If he doesn’t talk to me for a day or two, it used to be like I was going to die the next day. I felt like a bad person because if the person I love most isn’t talking to me then I’m empty. That was then though not anymore. When you are lonely and you finally get yourself in a relationship, you literally want to spend time with this person. You want them around you in as much as you want yourself around them. You want them to choose you over everything in the world, forgetting that this person have a life of his own. You are always wanting more out of the relationship and you feel insecure when you see them talking to other people because you’ve always been by yourself. Love is beautiful, but you have to know that whatever relationship you are in presently, might not be your best relationship or even the final relationship for now. If you are a lonely person once you have a fight with your partner, you are back alone. You start finding something to blame about yourself so you can talk to yourself to apologize for the issue.

You need a friend, you can’t be by yourself every time. No matter how you love your privacy, you still need someone to talk to. If friends have failed you severally, you have your sister or brother to talk to, and if you have a good relationship with your mom, you can talk to her as well. Stop consuming a lot inside of you. You will hurt yourself. The situation of the country is making most of us frustrated. I told my friend I needed a therapist yesterday and she was laughing. I needed to take out somethings out of me. My heart was heavy, but I didn’t feel like saying it to my best friend because she’s going through life herself. A friend of mine came through for me. I haven’t seen him this year at all but he felt like an angel to me yesterday. I felt free and happy after expressing how I’ve felt over the week. You can’t do it by yourself. Depression is real. You need someone to talk to. No matter how you enjoy your own space, there’s this joy that comes from within when you have someone that constantly check on you. When you are lonely, negativity comes in. Someone is like, I’m not jovial, how does she expect me to have friends? By going out. You don’t sit inside all day and expect a stranger to walk into your room and ask for friendship. You need exposure. Don’t sit at home doing nothing. You can go out to the mall or participate in some programs at school or church. Be vulnerable. Do not completely stay out of things. Some people when they have a bad day they have someone to call on. Some would call their mom, some their sisters, some their best friends, while some do not have anyone to call on. I notice loners don’t have close relationship with families. They prefer staying alone because they don’t feel comfortable talking to their family. One thing I love about the United states is because they have direct assess to their therapists. You can tell your therapist anything. You don’t get to live your life by yourself. You deserve to let go of your problems by offloading them.

There was a time I dislike having people around. I believe you shouldn’t overstay your welcome at my place. I chased my best friend out one day and she didn’t talk to me for a while. I wanted her to go because I was having a bad day and I needed to cry. I dislike crying in front of people. She didn’t understand that, but felt I push people away from my life, which wasn’t true. I grew up with no friends in my vicinity. I still went to a boarding school for six years and that made me have few friends. Out of those few friends I made back then, I have just 3 people phone numbers. It’s just us viewing each other’s status nothing important. It got to a time in college and I didn’t like my lifestyle. I wanted to have friends too, not just one or two. I want to know people and relate with them. I wanted to stop hearing she’s arrogant, when it’s just my life style. Trust me, those years of staying alone get boring. There’s no one to laugh with and the moment you get into a relationship you get all clingy with the person, expecting to feel the vibe back. Having friends will make your life more interesting. Not saying you should make friends with everyone, but don’t make people your enemies. Expose yourself and enjoy the moment. You are too young to be consuming negativity or having high Bps. Enjoy your adulthood as much as you are working towards your future. Put yourself first before anyone. Don’t force vibes with anyone, not relationship or friendship. Love yourself more. You still got more time to know what you want.