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Being a mother is exceptional. Giving birth is a gift and having a milk when you give birth is an additional gift. Even you undergo normal or caesarean delivery, you can have milk. It is indeed a gift.
I wrote an article a few days ago about the story of my delivery. It was a week ago when I wrote the article "The Journey of My Pregnancy and My Caesarean Delivery" This is where I published my experiences during my caesarean operation. It was hard but unforgettable. It will heal but that experience makes you tougher to be a mother to your kid.
They say that your life is in 50/50 situation when you are about to deliver your child. 50% chance of survival and 50% chance of dying but of course, I survived and we can all survive together with our babies.
When my son was placed besde me in my bed, I was amazed when the nurse said, "you can now breastfeed your baby". I was in shocked because I didn't expect that I have milk. I don't drink too much milk when I was pregnant. I just told myself before that I will just buy him quality milk for him to be healthy.
So I started breastfeeding him and I was very happy. It was unexplainable whenever you saw your child very attached to you and depending on you for him to feed. When he cries, that means he is already hungry. When he is full, he will just sleep and it feels okay for me because he is full.
I appreciate my motherhood more because I know someone needs me. I know that I need to be strong and I have a reason to live. It is because of my son.
After 3 months of maternity vacation, I need to go back to work. I was tearful because I will miss my son even for 8-10 hours only. I am worried about him when I was in the office. I was thinking if he was looking for me, if he was hungry or if he wants to be carried. I was also sleepy at the office because I don't have enough sleep everyday and I was in night shift so it was the first time after 3 months to be working again at night.
When it was time to go home, I can't wait to see my son. He breastfed and I carried him because I missed him already. Good thing it was Friday, the last day of the week when I go back to the office meaning it will be restdays again.
I also give him formula milk since I don't have too much milk. If I am in the office, we will give him formula or powdered milk but if I am in the house, he will breastfeed on me.
As he grew older, he became more active. When he began teething, my nipples became painful because he is biting too hard. There were also times that he is moving while breastfeeding. He will play here and there or turn upside down. My nipples were sored because of that.
I actually don't want him to breastfeed on me but my son preferred my milk than the formula one and it is painful on me to control him from breastfeeding. So I just endure the pain.
When you breastfeed, you felt that there is a special bonding formed between you and your child. There is a special connection because your child knows who is the reason of his growth.
My son gets closer to me as he grows older. He wants to be beside me when he sleeps and when he wokes up.
He may seemed spoiled but when he wants to eat or drink, he always wants me to assist him. He does not want others to help him but me only. I still felt happy because I felt his love for me.
We became closer when I started working from home. I am now beside him when he sleeps. Even I am not sleeping but the fact that his bed is just beside my seat, it is enough for him not to cry and enough for me not to worry on him. If he wokes up, he will just look at me and sleep again. If he wakes up and I was not in my seat, he knew where to find me. I may be in the comfort room and he will just call me.
He became happier because he knew I am just here beside him.
He became very active. When we play, I easily quit but he still wants to continue playing with me.
He is still breastfeeding up to now but he is slowly adjusting not to breastfeed anymore. I am not sure if I still have milk. But I am teaching him to stop it because he is turning 5 years old.
He cannot control twiddling my nipples. Even he is no longer a toddler, he still continue it especially when we sleep together or I lie beside him and he noticed I'm beside him. I told him to stop but it is also his way of getting sleepy.
As I always say, motherhood is a forever responsibilty but a fulfilling duty. Being a breastfeeding mother, I am proud to be one. Not all mothers are given the gift to breastfeed. But no matter what, we should take care of our kids and family the best we can be.
Our kids are our strength. They gives us joy and love that can never be compared. They depend on us for now so do our part in taking care of them. When we grow old, they will also do their part the way we take care of them.