It was Uneasy

Have you been in a state where you questioned life? How can it be so unfair? Why they have this and why have I not? Why cant I be a daughter/son of those parents? Why should I have to experience this hardships and why they havent, when they have lots in life which enable them to overcome this type of hardship?

In the early stage of my life (up to 5 yr old), my family and I experienced good life. Like we have the necessary things in life. When I reached elementary, we transfered to another brgy and we lost our sari sari store and we are unable to continue our business like buying copra and abaca. we're able to build a house, a concrete house out of our small business. My father had to leave us off to Manila to find a job, and he was able to go abroad. He has 2yrs contract. He came home after and due to some humor about mom having an affair with another man. They broke up. My parents went to manila. Three of us were at the guardianship of my tita.

Life from that time went too uneasy for my two brothers and I. The financial support is not always there. Sometimes, my tita only receives 1500 pesos each month. So, it doesn't really fits the budget. We do lots of adjustments. That's the time when I ask, why do we need to come through this and some other people? There are three of us, too young to be away from our parents🥺 why we can't be completed? Why they have to be separated?

2 years passed and my parents are back together, fortunately. I was ecstatically happy that were complete again. My father worked as a construction worker and my mom was selling some native foods at our Barangay, until I finished high school. As I looked back, I can't imagine the hardships and the effort my parents exerted just to feed us three times a day. Though, my father only paid 500 pesos each day and my mom only sells 300 pesos each day, still they were able to send us to school. (1)That should be one thing that a daughter should be proud of. Of course, to my siblings, we're still together and we overcome the poverty in life. It was so debilitating carrying a crushing load of stress and uncertainty.

My family is not that showy in terms of love. We barely hang out and take picture together but when it comes to meal, we always take our meal together. Being together, like none of us live in my Lola's house or unties house because of the situation, is something that my family's biggest achievement🥺😪🥰. After the adversities of our life, we are still together as one. Along with our journey, I have lots of realization.

• I came up to be a person who knows how to budget. Imagine when I was in college my mom would give me 500php. It was for my meals, school allowance like for photocopy, papers and ballpen and etc. and also for fare allowance.

• I was able to focus from what I need than to what I want. Not all people whose fortunate enough to have all what they wants and not worrying about what they need.

• Back then, as a child, I learned how to do household chores: cooking, cleaning and do laundry because we've lived with our auntie, it's hard to not help even with the household chores. I also learned how to be grateful of what I have. I can still remember the time when my tita/auntie bought sandals for me. As a child, simple things will make us so happy.

Those realization are something to be proud of at an early age.

The hardship and stress in life brought to us is so painful. No once would ever think life is fair. (3) I worked so hard so someday a the ends of the tunnel there's a light ahead which will save me from darkness past. That's the people around me. Maybe I was living to be like, to be noticed. So, atleast someone will love as a hard working child.

It was Uneasy but it mold to be who I am now. I may have a dark and sad past but look what I become. I never become a selfish child nor a selfish sibling. I always make sure I have something to share to them. I work so hard. I had traveled to the city alone and try to find a decent job on my own. Gladly there were people I met who are good. Thanks to them and especially to oylur Almight God. He is always by my side to guide and to light up my way to the right direction of my life.

I get thru all the challenges, live with it, learn with it and grow with it.

That's all for today read.cash family.

I just wanna flex our youngest sibling. The clingy spoiled brat child and super cute overload baby of mine.

Thank you and Godbless, readers!

Lead image source is unsplash.