"I surely believe that we can make a beautiful family of our own, but I can't be with you. I am so sorry Christian. I am always grateful for all the efforts you made for me but I can't completely be happy knowing that there's someone who is hurting if I insist to have you."
Monday again, time for Management Committee reporting. I am a field auditor of one of the biggest Savings banks here in the Philippines. I just came from my Audit engagement in Ilocos and Pangasinan branches, so I was surprised when I see a big box of a package on my desk.
"Yna, a client from the Pangasinan branch sent that to our accountant--for you!" 😉my co-auditor says with a teasing smile.
"I wanted to meet you, but seeing you from afar, makes me happy, at least for now."Christian.
A note I found inside the box, with lots of goodies and delicacies. Christian? I can't remember any "Christian" I met in Pangasinan.
I've been receiving random gifts for 6 months now. Flowers consistently arriving at the guard's house for me every Monday from Christian. I tried to investigate who this mystery man is, but the branches don't cooperate. Fellow auditors were all curious too.
I am 24 years old Chinita, chubby with a bubbly personality. I am the Auditor's Muse. Not the most beautiful nor the sexiest but the girl with oozing sex appeal as they described me. I find it funny, though.
The auditors have a rotational schedule on what branch to audit, and every time we meet altogether after fieldwork, they tell stories that someone has a crush on me or wants to meet me. I get used to the teasing my fellow auditors do.
I was having dinner at Kenny Roger's in Robinsons Galleria when a girl of my age approached me. She is familiar, and I think we were working on the same building in Ortigas. "Can I join you?" She asked. I agreed. Then she started a conversation. She confirmed that she is working in the same building too.
"I am Marge by the way, I have a friend from Pangasinan who wanted to meet you. I wanted to introduce myself for so long yet we dont have a chance, I rarely see you at your office since you work on field. My childhood friend asked for help to look for you, yet it seems a destiny that we are onthe same building and I know someone on your office. By the way here he comes"
I was surprised, really now? I am not ready, and I don't have a chance to check my face in the mirror. This is making me anxious!
"Hi Yna." he greeted me. He seems so nervous more than I do.
I am trying to inhale-exhale in my imagination to calm down. Lol. Composure, please.
He is not so tall, Chinese-looking guy, "rich" complexion, wearing denim shorts, white shirt, and brown topsider. So basic. Simple yet unbelievably attractive to me. I can't believe what I am thinking.
He is driving more than 3 hours every weekend to meet me since we met in Galleria. He is nice. He is the kind of man who talks less yet laughs at my not-so-funny jokes, and I do most of the talking. Flowers continue every Monday with sweet notes. I love how he makes me so special, his efforts so incomparable. I fell in love. Yes, I am.
He was so excited when I was assigned to their hometown for the audit works. My junior auditor and I stayed in the hotel nearby the bank during the audit. He became our on-call driver, tour guide, supply officer during our stay. He tours us around the beautiful sceneries in Pangasinan, including the all-expense-paid food trips. He is so accommodating; he is managing a private school and grocery stores they owned. His mom died 5 years ago, his dad, a retired US Navy, is equally accommodating. He has 2 older brothers but all in California. He left here to manage their businesses. We also have a chance to pick mangoes on their farm. It was fun, relaxing, and perfect moments.
I asked if I could leave some of my things in his car cause I harvested so much mango to bring home. He told me to bring it when he comes to visit me after 1 month Because he will have a business conference in Hongkong to attend. Surely I will gonna miss this man; I get used to being with him every weekend. He promises to call me often, though.
I received a phone call from a friend, a fellow auditor assigned for a special audit in the branch near Chris' home. What she told me was really bothering me again and again.
"Hey Yna, I met someone here, she asked the manager to meet me. Her name is Kate and I had lunch with her yesterday. Kate was Chis' ex-fiancee. She insisted to meet me cause she want to know you. Kate was Chris childhood lover, they were together since high school. Actually they were already planning to get married but Chris suddenly chanced when he met you. It was so heartbreaking for you to know this cause I know you've been dating with Chris for more than a year now. and I know how inlove you are to him too. I learned that she committed suicide when Chris broke up with him. Both families were friends and worry so much on her. I don't know how to react girl, I am sure Chris is so in love with you. I am not sure how could this affect you. You deserve to know about this girl. Can I give your number?"
I don't know how to tell Chris what I've found out. I don't know why I feel so sad about this, Kate. I am in love. I am happy, no doubt. But my heart is so heavy since I learned about Kate. I can't help but cry. I can't understand the feeling.
"Hello Yna this is Kate, I asked your number from your friend." she has a friendly voice
I don't know what to say; I am not the usual me who always talks.
"We have a special relationship since child. We grew up together, yet he left me and choosed you over me. " I can hear her crying.
"Life is not easy pretending I am okey, I go to their house and saw your things in his room, he got irritated when I asked about it. He cares for your stuff more than my feeling. I envy you. I can still go in and out their home cause I've been doing it eversince but the feeling is so unwelcoming anymore. He is my life, we planned together for our future. The big Korean restaurant near the bank is our business. my life is crashed. I don't know how to start my life without him. I am begging you."
My heart is broken. I can barely do anything. I can not move from my bed. I received a call from him, but I don't want to answer. I felt weak and don't know what to do. I made a resignation letter, exactly. I received a job offer from a company in Quezon City; I know that the preselling condo in Araneta I bought a year ago is already finished and ready for occupancy. I want to get away from anything. It's not because I don't love him, but perhaps I don't love him enough to fight for him. He is so perfect for me, but how can I be happy? I booked a plane going to Iloilo to have a one-month vacation at my friend's house before working in my new company.
I texted him and changed my number.
"I surely believe that we can make a beautiful family of our own, but I can't be with you. I am so sorry Christian. I am always grateful for all the efforts you made for me but I can't completely be happy knowing that there's someone who is hurting if I insist to have you."
So many emails, so many messages from close friends about him looking for me. But I stand firm about my decision. I cried. I miss him so much. Time goes so fast. 6 months had gone by. I received an invitation from a friend. My co-auditor is getting married in a Cathedral in Pangasinan. Auditors were all invited; I decided to attend cause I missed them too badly.
I saw him there, and he asked to talk to me. It was the hardest moment. I need to guard my heart. He was crying, and I want to comfort him. I miss him so much; I still love him. Still, I requested to get all my stuff from him. There's no closure, and he has not given up on me. But my goodbye is for good and no second chances.
10 years had gone by. I was tempted to check his Facebook account. I saw his profile picture, a family picture with Kate and two little boys. I smiled. My decision was never wrong at all. I am happy for you, Christian. I am happy with your happy ending. Don't worry. I am happy with mine too. I am sorry for giving up on us. She deserves you more.
-THE END-
