Me and your Happy Ending
**"I surely believe that we can make a beautiful family of our own, but I can't be with you. I am so sorry Christian. I am always grateful for all the efforts you made for me but I can't completely be happy knowing that there's someone who is hurting if I insist to have you."**
Monday again, time for Management Committee reporting. I am a field auditor of one of the biggest Savings banks here in the Philippines. I just came from my Audit engagement in Ilocos and Pangasinan branches, so I was surprised when I see a big box of a package on my desk.
"Yna, a client from the Pangasinan branch sent that to our accountant--for you!" 😉my co-auditor says with a teasing smile.
*"I wanted to meet you, but seeing you from afar, makes me happy, at least for now."Christian.*
A note I found inside the box, with lots of goodies and delicacies. Christian? I can't remember any "Christian" I met in Pangasinan.
I've been receiving random gifts for 6 months now. Flowers consistently arriving at the guard's house for me every Monday from Christian. I tried to investigate who this mystery man is, but the branches don't cooperate. Fellow auditors were all curious too.
I am 24 years old Chinita, chubby with a bubbly personality. I am the Auditor's Muse. Not the most beautiful nor the sexiest but the girl with oozing sex appeal as they described me. I find it funny, though.
The auditors have a rotational schedule on what branch to audit, and every time we meet altogether after fieldwork, they tell stories that someone has a crush on me or wants to meet me. I get used to the teasing my fellow auditors do.
I was having dinner at Kenny Roger's in Robinsons Galleria when a girl of my age approached me. She is familiar, and I think we were working on the same building in Ortigas. "Can I join you?" She asked. I agreed. Then she started a conversation. She confirmed that she is working in the same building too.
"I am Marge by the way, I have a friend from Pangasinan who wanted to meet you. I wanted to introduce myself for so long yet we dont have a chance, I rarely see you at your office since you work on field. My childhood friend asked for help to look for you, yet it seems a destiny that we are onthe same building and I know someone on your office. By the way here he comes"
I was surprised, really now? I am not ready, and I don't have a chance to check my face in the mirror. This is making me anxious!
"Hi Yna." he greeted me. He seems so nervous more than I do.
I am trying to inhale-exhale in my imagination to calm down. Lol. Composure, please.
He is not so tall, Chinese-looking guy, "rich" complexion, wearing denim shorts, white shirt, and brown topsider. So basic. Simple yet unbelievably attractive to me. I can't believe what I am thinking.
He is driving more than 3 hours every weekend to meet me since we met in Galleria. He is nice. He is the kind of man who talks less yet laughs at my not-so-funny jokes, and I do most of the talking. Flowers continue every Monday with sweet notes. I love how he makes me so special, his efforts so incomparable. I fell in love. Yes, I am.
He was so excited when I was assigned to their hometown for the audit works. My junior auditor and I stayed in the hotel nearby the bank during the audit. He became our on-call driver, tour guide, supply officer during our stay. He tours us around the beautiful sceneries in Pangasinan, including the all-expense-paid food trips. He is so accommodating; he is managing a private school and grocery stores they owned. His mom died 5 years ago, his dad, a retired US Navy, is equally accommodating. He has 2 older brothers but all in California. He left here to manage their businesses. We also have a chance to pick mangoes on their farm. It was fun, relaxing, and perfect moments.
I asked if I could leave some of my things in his car cause I harvested so much mango to bring home. He told me to bring it when he comes to visit me after 1 month Because he will have a business conference in Hongkong to attend. Surely I will gonna miss this man; I get used to being with him every weekend. He promises to call me often, though.
I received a phone call from a friend, a fellow auditor assigned for a special audit in the branch near Chris' home. What she told me was really bothering me again and again.
"Hey Yna, I met someone here, she asked the manager to meet me. Her name is Kate and I had lunch with her yesterday. Kate was Chis' ex-fiancee. She insisted to meet me cause she want to know you. Kate was Chris childhood lover, they were together since high school. Actually they were already planning to get married but Chris suddenly chanced when he met you. It was so heartbreaking for you to know this cause I know you've been dating with Chris for more than a year now. and I know how inlove you are to him too. I learned that she committed suicide when Chris broke up with him. Both families were friends and worry so much on her. I don't know how to react girl, I am sure Chris is so in love with you. I am not sure how could this affect you. You deserve to know about this girl. Can I give your number?"
I don't know how to tell Chris what I've found out. I don't know why I feel so sad about this, Kate. I am in love. I am happy, no doubt. But my heart is so heavy since I learned about Kate. I can't help but cry. I can't understand the feeling.
"Hello Yna this is Kate, I asked your number from your friend." she has a friendly voice
I don't know what to say; I am not the usual me who always talks.
"We have a special relationship since child. We grew up together, yet he left me and choosed you over me. " I can hear her crying.
"Life is not easy pretending I am okey, I go to their house and saw your things in his room, he got irritated when I asked about it. He cares for your stuff more than my feeling. I envy you. I can still go in and out their home cause I've been doing it eversince but the feeling is so unwelcoming anymore. He is my life, we planned together for our future. The big Korean restaurant near the bank is our business. my life is crashed. I don't know how to start my life without him. I am begging you."
My heart is broken. I can barely do anything. I can not move from my bed. I received a call from him, but I don't want to answer. I felt weak and don't know what to do. I made a resignation letter, exactly. I received a job offer from a company in Quezon City; I know that the preselling condo in Araneta I bought a year ago is already finished and ready for occupancy. I want to get away from anything. It's not because I don't love him, but perhaps I don't love him enough to fight for him. He is so perfect for me, but how can I be happy? I booked a plane going to Iloilo to have a one-month vacation at my friend's house before working in my new company.
I texted him and changed my number.
**"I surely believe that we can make a beautiful family of our own, but I can't be with you. I am so sorry Christian. I am always grateful for all the efforts you made for me but I can't completely be happy knowing that there's someone who is hurting if I insist to have you."**
So many emails, so many messages from close friends about him looking for me. But I stand firm about my decision. I cried. I miss him so much. Time goes so fast. 6 months had gone by. I received an invitation from a friend. My co-auditor is getting married in a Cathedral in Pangasinan. Auditors were all invited; I decided to attend cause I missed them too badly.
I saw him there, and he asked to talk to me. It was the hardest moment. I need to guard my heart. He was crying, and I want to comfort him. I miss him so much; I still love him. Still, I requested to get all my stuff from him. There's no closure, and he has not given up on me. But my goodbye is for good and no second chances.
10 years had gone by. I was tempted to check his Facebook account. I saw his profile picture, a family picture with Kate and two little boys. I smiled. My decision was never wrong at all. I am happy for you, Christian. I am happy with your happy ending. Don't worry. I am happy with mine too. I am sorry for giving up on us. She deserves you more.
**-THE END-**
Getting out of my Comfort Zone
“You never change your life until you step out of your comfort zone;
change begins at the end of your comfort zone.”
― Roy T. Bennett
**CHANGE**, a five-letter word, but it would take a lot of courage and determination to make it.
A happy workplace is a workplace like you are not working at all. I worked in a certain Company for almost 10 years. We are all friends in my team, we started with the company, we grow with the company, and we see each other every day, we stay together in the office more than the times we spent with our families. We are like family; Everyone is familiar. Everything is under control. Office life has a low level of anxiety. So normal, So Steady.
The boss is manageable, repetitive works- like hello? I've been doing these for around a decade now. A few upgrades with the system, but we help each other with the changes. It's like a dream job.
But I realized Complacency is dangerous. Staying in one happy environment seems like I was Stagnant—isolated in a certain place where I forgot to look into the window and check the fast-changing world. I locked myself to the thought -
*"toughy hard to find a place- a happy workplace."*
Disregarding the just okay SALARY, the just-okay KNOWLEDGE, all are **JUST OKAY!**"
Because of the pandemic and because I was afraid to be infected **AGAIN** with the virus, I **FINALLY** decided to leave my team and say goodbye for good to that happy workplace I have. It's like breaking up with a long-term boyfriend. I get used to seeing them every day; I miss the bullying, miss the laughter, and miss sharing stories, eating with them in the pantry every day. Celebrating my birthdays with them for how many years and witnessing each other's milestones. I cried like a baby here.
Adjustments. Starting up and Stepping out from my comfort is just so hard as you can imagine.
How to find a new job? This is hard! - I can do my previous job "easily".
Stepping out of my comfort zone is the hardest, and I have already done one of the hardest things: resigning from work. I have to find the determination to step some more to see the beautiful opportunities waiting outside.
Because I was so comfortable with the job, I failed to check if I improved my skills. So, my first moved-I started to enroll in different courses to upskill. This world is indeed the survival of the fittest, so I need to equip myself with knowledge and skills to cope with this competitive world.
These start with my JOURNEY to FREELANCING. Brave Idea, right? Cause I need money to survive this pandemic. Afraid of so many things, but I need to keep going.
**Challenges:**
I am not a good English speaker in freelancing -clients are global.
My skills are not updated-technologies, apps, software. What's that?
How to start, doing things like 101. Basic. Back to BASIC.
Finding support Group.-Like my previous team, hopefully.
**Try...Try...Try...**
It would take a lot of courage to do the first try. Try and Failed and Try again.
I find the **Solutions** for the **Challenges** stated above. Everything was not easy, from studying, from learning to speak English, overcoming the Interview like my soul was escaping from my body. And throughout my journey, Prayer is my constant weapon. Every success begins with one tiny step. Keep going, keep trying. First times will always be the hardest, but no matter the outcome, remember there will always be second, third, fourth, and infinite tries. Just keep trying and don't give up.
Don't dwell in the Comfort Zone.. Step one, and two, and three.. and more--in there you will find the beautiful horizon full of opportunities. Just keep on believing. It all be Worth it.
Covid: Positive
Everything was going well until the Covid-19 suddenly appeared from nowhere. Everything had changed. Changes that we never imagined would ever happen. During the first wave, The world suddenly under hibernation. We weren't allowed to go out; my always busy life and in a hurry days suddenly calmed down. For months or 2, we were not allowed to go to work because of government restrictions. We fear getting infected with this deadly virus, but I can't stop worrying about what will happen next.
When the government lifted the worker's restrictions, I started going to work. I care for my health, but the bills and the eagerness to help my husband bother me. Not soon enough, a friend who was sitting beside me in the office felt unusual. Mother's instinct, I asked a close friend to fetch my daughter cause I felt that my workmate might have been infected with the virus. I also started to Isolate myself from her. I was praying then that this close friend would come and get my daughter since she also has a little one with them. We were just two at home; my husband is an OFW. I know how contagious this Covid, I was so afraid that I might transfer this virus to my daughter. Thankful, my friend came over to get my daughter.
After 3 days, My officemate was brought to the hospital; He has difficulty breathing. He was texting me to isolate myself. They've been to 7 hospitals, but all were fully occupied. His text was like saying goodbye—too much fear. I cried and prayed that he would survive it and worrying about myself too. I called my mom in the province, telling them that I was exposed to someone with Covid. So scared, crying like a baby. I was so afraid; I can't even focus on praying. The worship songs continue playing for 24 hours.
The next day, symptoms coming out. I lost my smell, taste, feeling tired and high fever too. Scheduling of swab test was so hard that I informed my friends in my village that I was exposed and isolated myself. While continue monitoring my Oxygen level, I've done several ways to fight the virus. Taking herbal medicines, steaming, vitamins, praying, of course, and praying with my church group. Being alone at home was a tough fight- feeling weak, I need to help myself survive.
Other than my weak body was my weak heart. My husband was so worried. They want to help me, but they just can't. During this down moment, all I have was HIM., my Lord, My Healer, My protector. He continually sent me His instruments to help me during my trying times. He never fails. He is so faithful. Now and then, I hear my doorbell rang, my friends from the neighborhood bringing me some essentials. I left a chair in front of my gate, fruits, food, vitamins, medicines. A text message, calls, someone was willing to lend a car and driver in case of emergency. I never felt alone. Thank you, my Lord. I will always and be grateful for these times.
He replied, "You of little faith, why are you so afraid?" Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm.- **Matthew 8:26**
I recovered fast. when I opened my refrigerator after 14 days, I can't help but cry my heart out. My ref was full. I had more than enough. He provided me more than I need yet my faith was too little at times. I know I have to face struggles here on earth coz He too suffered more.
In these trying times, we must continue to cling to His promises. Yes, life is not easy but life with Him is so fulfilling. We are always in a constant struggle, but if we focus our eyes on Him we can survive it all. Peter was able to make few steps on the water when he focuses his eyes on Jesus, but as soon as he was overwhelmed by the wind and waves, he started to sink. If we worry much about the trials in this life-it became harder and we will sink but if we put our trust in Him. The impossible becomes possible. Glory to God.
Memories: Nokia 3210
My new Nokia 3210 ringing...
Hello? Who's this?
Oh... A familiar voice, this bully, level 5 scandalous voice on the other line.
Xandro???
Where did you get my number?
I heard you have a phone at last! He answered.
Oh yeah, and who gave you my number, I don't want annoying people on my phonebook. 😁
I heard him laughing so loud. Detective 101, ----I asked Aunt about your number yow. He added.
Xandro is my childhood friend. My parents and his parents are friends too. We grew up together, we played Mario brothers together, Nintendo together, graduated from elementary and high school together. But don't get me wrong. We are not together and we will never be, I am not his type and he is not my type neither.
He is the only son, a little bratty, rich kid type, good looking they said (but not really my type haha 😅)I wonder how he got a beauty titlist girlfriend.
We were always together, but since college, we went to a different school,---he went to Manila.
We were opposite, I am introverted, I don't like noise and crowd. Simple, from an average family, and a University dean's lister.
I gave your number to my friend Matt. Hey Kate? Are you listening? He will be your text mate so you can have your boyfriend.
I am not interested really. I am always busy. I answered but the call was already off before I can resist.
That bratty annoying immature Xandro! 😏
Next day.
Ringing...
New number....
Hello?
Yes! Hi, this is Matt, I am Xandro's friend.
Rattled...Shy as I am. Don't know what to say.
Hi Matt. I am Kate. -soft voice actually very soft voice 😅😁 haha
Matt, is an engineering student, a Manila boy, living with Xandro in a rented condo unit near their university.
No idea how he looks like, based on his voice a little more descent than that of Xandro. Very respectful and sweet. Well,😅 not sure though. And I don't want to ask Xandro about it. He will surely laugh at me.
We became TextMate starting that day, I found someone who checks on me instantly.😁
Morning greetings,
Hi Kate, how's your day.
Are you home Kate?
Did you eat?
Busy?
Can I call?
I am not used to this kind of treatment, so caring that it became a routine. I don't want to, But I keep on waiting for his text or call. Seems my day is not complete without it and it scares me. That goes around for about four months.
About lunchtime when I heard my landlady calling my name.
Kate, you have a visitor.
I rushed towards the gate to check as I am expecting my block mate to come over and return the notes she borrowed. With the uncombed hair, oily face, and messy look.
There's a red Mitsubishi Pajero in front of our gate, I was shocked when Xandro suddenly came out with the same monster laugh, bully as usual.
Hey messy girl! You are so dirty hurry clean up, and I'll treat you for lunch. He said.
This is our normal way of talking to each other.
New car? I asked.
Yup, he answered, while he gets something from the tinted car.
By the way, Here's a flower. Somebody sent that for you. You don't deserve that cause you're so "dugyot" in a teasing voice.
I grabbed it and immediately go back inside. Trying to hold back the smile when I see the roses.
I'll wait for 10 minutes! he said.
White shirt, jeans, sneakers, lip gloss, cheek tint, face powder and here I am ready to go.
I was opening the door on the passenger's seat but was locked, Xandro was pointing to the back seat. I usually seat beside him if her girlfriend is not around. I am her best friend and everybody is aware of it.
When I opened the door, I was surprised to see a handsome guy with a wide smile looking at me.
I looked at Xandro like asking for an explanation,
Hi Ugly2, I am Ugly1 he said as he stretched her hands to help me hop into the car and sit beside him.
Crazy moment... Mixed emotion.
Xandro left us in the restaurant. We talked like we know each other for so long. So comfortable. So happy. I can't even explain how it feels. Must be love I think.
And the time was so fast.. They need to go.
He kissed me, we kiss. A confirmation. We are in love.
I am already in my last year at the University. His course is 5 years so will be graduating first.
Happy 2nd year anniversary my Ugly he greets me. I am on my way he said. He will pick me up to finally meet his parents.
When we stopped at the gated house. I was speechless, I know they are well-off but we never talked about their family business. He is so simple and humble. The house is so huge like HUGE. Like the one we usually see in the Pinoy teleserye. The dinner went well and meeting with his parents was just okay. Back in my mind as if there's something wrong.
The next day, everything changed. I didn't receive the usual text messages.No more phone calls. I was so worried. His phone rang but didn't answer. 2 days, 3 days, 1week, 2 weeks, and so on--- unbearable as days go by. He left me hanging without anything. without Bye, so Painful more than you can imagine.
I called Xandro,
He was serious, not the usual Xandro I know. I cried at him like a baby. He can't tell why.
I warned him not to hurt you, we had a fight he said.
2 years passed, I am working in a Bank now. still hurting. No boyfriend. I didn't see Xandro for 2 years too. I don't wanna see anything that reminds me of him. Though I talked with Xandro over the phone once in a while.
After work, I decided to go to the mall to buy something. I went to the coffee shop to rest then suddenly a familiar guy asks if he can share the table with me.
It's him.
I just nod. I was trying to search in my brain, or in my heart that same feeling I had before. All along I've been hurting, but I realized I only cling to the memories and what if's.
All along, I already let him go and I was not even aware of it. I only cling to the memories but in fact, I do not love him anymore.
I am sorry, I was not brave to fight for you. Mom and dad want someone for me at that time. He said.
Finally, Now I can say I am ready to move on. It's not my fault it's just that his love was not enough to fight for me.
Finally, I can now delete the saved messages of happy memories on my Nokia 3210.
Finally!
THE END
Could have been
After 20 yrs, here we are chatting like it just happened yesterday.
Migs: I am sorry Anne If I was not able to fulfil my promises. If only I could turn back time...
I Met Migs when I was in my 4th-year High school. That was 2001. He was one of the missionaries sent to our province to evangelize. Since our province was around 10 hours from Manila, locals were very excited to meet new people from the city.
We were very happy waiting for them to arrive. As a leader of the youth group, we were in charge to help them with their activities in the province.
Then suddenly, a white Toyota Hiace Van stopped. Four young men around 21 to 25 years of age came out from the van, An African and 3 Filipinos. They introduced themselves and so are we. But Migs caught my attention. He was smiling at me, a 5'9 tall, typical Filipino colour and ahhhh yeah, good looking. Made my heart flutter a bit.
I was the on-call girl during their stay, miss hospitable awardee of the Philippines 😄 I can still remember every time he called my name when he needed something.
-Hey, Anne could you come with me to go to this barangay to distribute this magazine and reach out.
-Anne, could you accompany us to buy some stuff.
-By the way Anne, we will be needing some materials for kids could you help us do these things.
-Anne, can you teach me to cook Pinakbet?
Days went by so fast, I was not aware that every time he calls my name, my heart flutters a little more than usual. For his smile never fades. For the kindness, he gave to the locals especially the kids and poor ones. Really a good heart. Irresistible. But how could this City boy fall in love with me?
First thing, falling in love would never be his purpose of coming here. He is on a mission.
2nd, I possibly not her type 😄 I was just a typical Probinsyana girl.
I was surprised when I saw Migs waiting at my school gate. So I asked him who he was waiting for. He told me that he just want to accompany me going home.
That became a routine-- after their tasks for the day, he dropped by Infront my school instead of going directly to the house where they stayed. It was fun though I was not expecting anything. It was just a happy feeling, chatting while walking going home.
Graduation came but sadly the next day was the scheduled day of going back to Manila.
Some missionaries came before them and no communication after they left. Surely same with this. Mission accomplished. We were just part of the journey.
But why thinking of no more communication and goodbyes hurts me. For 3 months, he was a part of my daily routine. It was so beautiful to just stop. But do I have any choice?
On graduation day, I received a special gift from him, they were all invited to my celebration that night. As everybody was enjoying, we were sitting at the bench beside the Mango tree. The moonlights making a romantic ambience. Assuming as I am. 😆
He told me that He has 3 things he needs to tell me. I asked him to just tell and I will listen. I felt his sadness but that was just normal in saying goodbye to a friend.
Anne, thank you for all your efforts in assisting us with this mission.
I say goodbye but I promise to make an effort to communicate with you. I've seen a Telephone booth in the city, could you do a collect call every Saturday for me if you don't mind. ( I was just 🤐)
Lastly, I want to say, I fell in love with you. I love you, Anne.
Me: 🤓🤗🥰😍🤩💕💗❤😅😅😚🙄😲😲😲
(Did I hear it right? Oh again again again, It felt so good.)- in my mind
He kissed me in my cheeks ( I allowed him) and that was my first and the sweetest. Innocent as maybe but so memorable.
Officially my boyfriend. Oops, my 1st boyfriend.
Communication continued. No cellphone yet that time so I need to go now and then in the city for telephone collect call. Simple and happy moments.
I got a scholarship in the big University in the City. I started receiving love letters from him in my dormitory. Later then, I was able to make my email address. I told her about my email address in my letter. In his last letter, he told me of his plans to leave the missionary. From then on I didn't receive a letter anymore.
I was checking my inbox yet no email from him. I don't know why I didn't get the contacts of the other missionaries. I was so down, After 2 years of continuous communication then suddenly stopped. I called the telephone number I had but no information where given. I was already on my 2nd year and I can't afford to lose my scholarship just because I was heartbroken. Hard as may be, I tried to numb this heart and focus on my studies.
It was a very busy month before the final exam, we have group study at my block mates house, sleepless, so tired and need to finish the left and right deadlines.
When I went back to my dormitory to change my uniform and rushing to go back again for my early class, the guard gave me a flower, he told me that the other guard on duty told him that somebody was waiting for the whole day yesterday. The card was missing in the bouquet, and I never bothered to check the logbook of visitors.
A shoebox that full of letters...
Letters that full of promises...
I will wait for you.
I love you always.
2021
I received a GC invite on my FB account. Common friends from the youth group way back in high school. One of my friends based in Italy made the GC. My world suddenly stop when I saw Migs name there.
Migs: How are you?
Me: Great ( so funny! Great?)😏
Migs: How's life? Married? It's been a long time.
Me: yes, happily married with a kid.
Migs: Good for you Anne, I've been staying here in the US, Divorced.
Me: oh, what happened?😕
Migs: Sorry, when we only have a Facebook that time it could have been us.😕😕
Me: I waited for you.🙄
Migs: I went there before my flight. I left you a flower. I waited the whole day, I wanted to see you. I emailed you many times but I didn't receive any reply.
Me: (speechless trying to remember and digest every word he was saying)
Migs: Sorry If I made you wait. If only I made some more efforts to find you.
Me: ( Checking the old email account which luckily still exist- no msgs on inbox, SPAM folder! There you go... Unopened email of more than 30 messages) shocked...
Subject: I will wait for you. ❤
Migs: Sorry.
Me: No, I am sorry, I don't know, you were the one who gave me the flowers back then. Sorry I was not able to read your email. 🥺
(I feel a pain inside my heart yet I don't know why? Or what exactly the reason)
Migs: No need to say sorry, It was all my fault. I easily gave up on us. I wish I could get back that time.
Me: If only, communication is as easy as this. But no used for regrets. Thank you that we were able to give answers to the questions we had. For the missing piesces of the story.
Migs: I am free, but you are not.
Me: No...Our story i believe will just end here. I am happy that I was able to talk with you again. I am sorry and thank you for everything.
Migs: Thank you for everything. I want you to know that it was real. The way I loved you and I waited too.
Me: I know, So do I. ---so much but all in the past 🙁Goodbye Migs.😢
THE END.
@Shernafaith
