Life as a single person provides many advantages, such as being able to follow your own interests and hobbies, learning how to enjoy your own company, and appreciating the quiet moments of solitude. However, life as a single person can also seem daunting if you are ready to share your life with someone and want to create a lifelong, worthwhile relationship.
Our emotional baggage will make finding the right romantic partner a hard road for many of us. You may have grown up in a household where a good, stable relationship has no role model, and you doubt that such a thing even exists. Or maybe there are just fleeting flings in your dating history and you don't know how to make a relationship last. Because of an unresolved problem from your past, you may be drawn to the wrong type of person or keep making the same bad decisions over and over again. Or maybe you're not putting yourself in the best position to meet the right guy, or you don't feel secure enough when you do.
You should surpass the challenges, whatever the case might be. These will help put you on the road to finding a safe, lasting relationship, even if you have been burned repeatedly or have a bad track record when it comes to dating.
Reassess your dating and relationship myths
The first step to finding love is to reassess some of the dating and relationship myths that may keep you from finding lasting love.
Myth: Whether I'm in a relationship or it's better to have a bad relationship than no relationship, I can just be happy and fulfilled.
Fact: While there are health benefits that come with being in a strong relationship, without being part of a couple, many people can be just as happy and satisfied. Despite the stigma that surrounds being single in certain social circles, it is important not to enter a relationship only to "fit in." It is not the same thing to be alone and to be lonely. And nothing like being in a bad relationship is as toxic and dispiriting.
Myth: It's not a relationship worth pursuing if I don't feel an instant attraction to anyone.
Fact: This is a significant misconception to debunk, especially if you have a history of making inappropriate decisions. Instant sexual desire and enduring love do not go hand-in-hand inherently. Emotions can alter and deepen over time, and when you allow those relationships a chance to grow, friends sometimes become lovers.
Myth: Women have feelings different from men.
Fact: Women and men feel similar things, but often their feelings are articulated differently, sometimes according to the norms of society. But the same main feelings, such as sorrow, rage, fear, and joy, are experienced by both men and women.
Myth: True love is constant or, over time, sexual attraction disappears.
Fact: Love is rarely static, but this does not mean that over time, love or sexual attraction is destined to fade. Both males and females have less sexual hormones as we age, but emotion always affects desire more than hormones, and with time, sexual passion will become greater.
Myth: I'll be able to adjust stuff about someone that I don't like.
Fact: Nobody can change you. Only if and when they want to change should people change.
Myth: I didn't feel close to my parents, so for me, intimacy is always going to be awkward.
Fact: To alter some pattern of conduct, it's never too late. You can alter the way you think, feel, and behave over time, and with enough effort.
Myth: In a partnership, conflicts often cause issues.
Fact: It doesn't have to be negative or harmful to conflict. Conflict can also offer a chance for development in a relationship with the right resolution skills.
Expectations on dating and finding love
Many of us do so with a predetermined collection of (often unrealistic) expectations as we begin to search for a long-term partner or enter into a romantic relationship, such as how the person should look and act, how the relationship should advance, and the roles that each partner should perform. These standards can be based on your family background, your peer group's impact, your prior experiences, or even the values depicted in films and TV shows. It can make any future partner seem inadequate to maintain all of these unreasonable standards and any new relationship feels frustrating.
Consider what's important
Distinguish between what you want in a partner and what you require. Wants are negotiable, not needs.
Wants include topics such as profession, intelligence, height, weight, and hair color, as well as physical attributes. Even if these characteristics seem crucially essential at first, you will sometimes find over time that your options have been overly restricted. It might be more significant, for instance, to find someone who is:
Curious rather than amazingly smart. Over time, curious individuals tend to grow smarter, while those who are bright can intellectually languish if they lack curiosity.
Sensual instead of sexy.
Caring rather than handsome or stunning.
A bit mysterious instead of glamorous.
Humorous instead of affluent.
From a family of beliefs close to yours, rather than those with a different racial or social background.
Needs are different from desires, since certain things that matter most to you, such as values, aspirations, or life goals, are requirements. These might not be the things you would find out about a person by looking at them on the street, reading their profile on a dating site, or sharing a fast drink at a bar before the last call.
Did you find the right one?