Will you blame me for loving too much?

Date: November 23,2021
Author: Sequoia

Awakened by the tempting aroma of brewed black coffee from the kitchen. I sniffed and sniffed with my eyes still close because I am stuck between getting up from the bed or sleep again for few more hours. It's Sunday, which just means that I am free to do the things that I want.

Roamed around.

Quick stroll.

Eat outside.

Witness sunset in the seashore.

In the end, I decided to reached for my phone on top of the side table, then chatted my friends about their plans for today. I am so caught up in scrolling up and down on my phone screen that I haven't noticed your presence in front of me.

Your face is so bright and those smiles in your lips will really give everyone you meet a goodvibe.

However, despite of those ostentatious actions, I can thoroughly see the sadness and weariness in the profoundness of your eyes.

You manage to avoid my gaze and scratch the back of your head.

'Good morning love. I already did the laundry and cooked our breakfast as well. I cooked your favorite bacon and egg. Let's eat.'

You successfully said those words without looking at me. I smiled bitterly and wiped the tears that escaped from my eyes.

We've been living together for almost 3 years now and a lot have change.

I can no longer feel the love in the air of this suffocating four corner apartment of ours. The sweet fragrance of affection has vanished away. It is now filled with sadness.

The sun is already giving its warm rays outside the building but the black and white atmosphere is still dominating this place.

I can feel the pressure that's been building up inside your heart with my blank and cold stares. I can see it. The uneasiness and glimpse of guilt through your body gestures.

I looked around and saw the organized yet lonely room. I can no longer recognized this once a happy and lively home.

Your appearance change a lot as well.

________________________

3 Days ago...

I just woke up from a very deep slumber. I found you lying next to me with your back facing me. I let out a deep breath and decided to get up from the bed to prepare our favorite bacon and egg for our breakfast.

I noticed the bruise and wound that I got from you last night because of our lil misunderstanding. I didn't mind it and proceeded immediately to the kitchen.

I setted up our breakfast in the table with a hope in my heart and eyes that we will be able to fix things right now. Despite of your actions towards me, I know that you love me. When everything in the table was finished, I went to our room right away to call you.

There, I found you shakingly gripping my phone to the point that it's almost destroyed. I don't know what you have read but I know that you are mad.

You came rushing to me and slapped me. It caused my lips to bleed.

'You told your sister about last night!? And now she wants you to leave me!'

That was it. My biggest mistake, I forgot to delete my convo with my sister.

'You can't leave me love. I'll never allow it. You are mine. Do you understand? You are mine!'

Along with that lines was a punch in my belly. I lost my strength and conciousness after that.

I woke up with you by my side and a doctor in our room.

No. Please no. Not my baby.

'I am so sorry to tell you but you lost your baby.'

My world broke into pieces when I heard those words. My mind refused to absorb that information.

Tears are flowing in my eyes and I can't stop it. The doctor bade his goodbye.

For the first time of being together for almost 3 years. I saw him cried over our baby's death.

'I didn't knew it. I am sorry love. Forgive me. Please.'

As much as I wanted to slap him and blame him for what happened. I couldn't stop myself but to give him my warmest hug and comfort him. I know. Call me martyr or what, but he's still my husband. I hated him but that won't deny the fact that I still love him despite of everything. I didn't say a word.

________________________

From that day on, I never spoke a word to him. I gave a silent treatment. You were asking why I didn't leave him?

Well, I choose not to. I love him despite of it all. But for now, the pain is still fresh. I expected that he will get mad about my treatment to him. However, he didn't. He changed a lot. He stop his vices and became responsible for 3 consecutive days. I can see that his having a hard time about that change but he still tries his best. I maybe stupid, but I couldn't leave this man.

After all, second chances do exist right?

________________________

Author's POV

This wasn't supposedly the ending. However, my braincells decided to have detour and tadaaaa! This is the outcome. I really don't know the moral of this story. Because even I, will never commit this same st*pid response. Just kidding. Well, that is how mysterious love is. It will endure anything. Let's just hope for continuous positive changes in her husband.