5 things that I hate to myself

We have things that we like and dislike to ourself. That is not new to us because we also got have a feeling of jealous and or envious to what other have but we don’t.

In this article, I will share you the things that I hate myself but not almost i hate huh? If you want to know what all of these. Keep on Reading until the end! 🥰

5 things that I hate to myself

5.Having a cold eyes

I already have this habit since I learned to ignore many people in my life. Even if I talk to others even if they did not even do anything bad, I always look to them normal but they always said to me that my eyes are so cold and no reaction at all. You know, I regret it because if there is someone i like to talk to, like kids and pets they always distance theirselves to me because they are scared. Which is why I hate my eyes for being like that.

4.Being Serious Every time

I have also this story when Everyone is laughing because of the jokes made by the teacher but I am just the only one looking serious. Well, it’s because I don’t find my Teacher’s joke is funny. Why should I laugh if that Teachers joke is about his student? He is telling a story about my classmate which is he commit mistakes in his subject and he is telling everyone to not be like him. When he is trying to convince me to laugh, i just smirk. Everyone hates me because of that. I hated myself because i am the type of person that cannot go with the flow with people like them. I want to but I choose not to because i think that people like them don’t know how much it affect by the victim. They did not know how much pressure, depression, and anxiety will be make by that persons mind. Because I, myself is like that in the past and I know how much pain and how much hurts being in the room for almost a week.. cannot eat during meals, not even able to speak with my parents, like that.

3.Heart Stealer

Since I became heartbroken for how many times, I learned to become a heart stealer. This is a type of being a ‘pa-fall’ To someone. Where I just being friendly to some guys but when they fall for me, I will stop because I don’t like them falling for me. I hated myself for that i want to fall inlove but I don’t like to hurt myself again so i distance myself. I always warn my boy friends that Falling in love is prohibited to us and they understand that which is they are my friends that they don’t see me as their type too. They just see me as friend and not a lover. However, I hated myself for being a heart stealer because I hurt their feelings but I don’t like them to give some assurance that i will fall for them too because being in a relationship is not a thing for me.

2.Having insecurities to others

I know that everyone also experience or feel this thing right? We can’t stop our self to envy or jealous to every people around us. If you will ask Me if what I insecure the most? my answer is having a Complete Family. As you know, I have broken family. I don’t have dad since i become fourth year High school. But i do have mom who is being with us until now. This is my biggest insecure to other people because they have a Dad who can provide everything that you need...you don’t need to suffer just so you can buy anything that you want. While me,I need to work hard so that i can buy this and those things that I want. My mom has a work but I don’t like to become a burden to her life.

I hate myself for having insecurities to others because I don’t like the feeling. The feeling of being Low to others eyes because I can’t wear a beautiful things like what they have, they can go out every weekend and go to beautiful places and enjoy their moment like a happy family, They have their own house and they can do whatever they want.

I hate myself feeling jealous,envious, and Insecure because it’s making me bad. I remember that I hurt my cousin before. I destroy her new clothes and new things that her parents give to her well it’s because I was young that time and I hate my parents because they can’t give me those things too.

But now, I don’t feel insecure anymore because I don’t need those things. I realize that

‘why having a things like that if after some many years, it will just destroyed?’

‘Why having some good outfit if they just worn it in one day and I bet they did not want to wear it again anymore?’

‘Why buying expensive foods if we still have a lot of delicious foods in the farm? It’s just a waste.’

And I just realize that other people did not realize how to be contented in what they have. Sometimes, their parents just give anything they wants just so their Children will become happy even if it can costs a lot and I don’t like to mind other people business because of that. Someday, they will realize how hard our life is just like what I am. Even if I do have a money, I won’t spend it for just material things everyday, every hours, every minutes, every seconds... Once a year is enough.

1.Free to speak

My life is not happy just like you think. I’m just laughing, smiling, and give my best to look okay. I maybe cold, no feelings for others but you did not know how much I’m struggling. Everyone experience those pain, I know...everyone is also hurt and everyone likes to end their life.

You know, I have my mouth but I can’t able to speak what I want to speak to everyone. I like to tell this and that but I feel like My mouth is chained.

I envy those people who can speak freely to other people. Because me, I don’t even tell or told to anyone what I like and dislike. Just like for example, They do want me to do the things that I don’t like. In fact, people around me did not know me well. I remember that they want me to study this so I go and study even if I don’t like the course that they want. I like the clothes but they give it to my cousin instead they give me the other one that I don’t like the color.

They did not ask me if What I want or like to do, things, and other stuffs. They just focus in their likes and wants without my opinion, my suggest, my words.

I hate myself for being like that. I know it’s hard because I can’t able to tell to everyone what i think. But I should do? I’m scared of speaking it loud because of this trauma. My classmates bullied me and i told to them about it but my parents just go to school and talk to the teachers. That’s it... they did not do anything much and after that, it become worst. I endure it and not told to my parents after that happened. I promise to myself that I never ever tell or told to anyone what I feel or think.

My life is hard isn’t it? I don’t even understand myself however, I learned to love myself because this is me and I need to accept it. I learned that we have some different status in life and you don’t need to become like them just so to be you. If I can’t able to speak what I think or feel, I will just pray and tell it to the God because he is just the only one who can understand me, he is just the only person who I need the most.

I hate those things but I learned to accept. I hate myself for being like that but i don’t need to change just so many people will accept me.

I write this because I want to know myself more and actually, I don’t know about it. I just think of What i hated myself. Actually, there are a lot of them but I choose the things that it’s easy to convey to my readers. Which is I hope that everyone will Relate to it?

And i guess i need to stop right there because it’s already long! Anyway, Give your thoughts! Thank you for reading and Spread love ❤️