The benefit of speaking less and listening more for strong communication

Observe your surroundings while dining in a crowded restaurant one day; Are people really listening to each other, or are they waiting their turn to talk? Most people focus on not listening to the contradictory statements of others and opposing them directly on issues they think are right. However, one of the most important reasons why we experience problems in business life, at home and in society is to communicate “wrong”. At this point, one of the communication mistakes we repeat most frequently is to occupy our minds by making plans about what we are going to say instead of listening and understanding the other person carefully and focusedly, and as a result, evaluating what is told only from our own perspective.

Why do we listen less?

The act of listening, which is one of the requirements of a healthy communication and requires the use of many mental skills, covers about 60 percent of the time spent on communication. The fact that we started to record sounds, first with text, then with audio and now with video, caused us to completely lose the value of accurate and careful listening, and it still does.

Another reason we lose our ability to listen is because the world is such a noisy place. Nowadays, it has become very difficult and tiring for us to perform the act of listening visually and audibly when there is a continuous noise in the background. Many people now live with earplugs in their ears. And as a result, no one listens to anyone. Although the solutions offered by a famous specialist to improve speaking and listening skills are the subject of another article, for those who want to listen:

Why is it important to talk less to be a good listener?

Have you ever wondered why you are so eager to convey your own thoughts, but lack a similar level of motivation to listen? Imagine that your mind is a full-blown modem and cannot transmit data from outside to inside or from inside to outside. Things you can do to fix the problem is to turn the modem off and then back on, or disconnect your computer from the modem and reconnect. Going by this analogy, one of the most important reasons why we prefer to speak rather than listen is that allowing more data input while our mind is already full risks overloading our brain's circuits, forgetting what we are trying to remember, and worse, not being able to use the functions necessary for speaking.

In essence, listening is a sensory function, and when the sensory load of our mind is too high, we are less able to use our other senses, which are essential for our survival. This can make us feel insecure when we listen carefully. On the other hand, speaking is a motor function, and once we pass the first 20 seconds of sharing information, we are able to empty our minds through speaking, relieve stress, and make more room for more data. The problem is that when we go beyond those first 20 seconds, we have talked more than our share and we are unloading what we define as a burden in our minds onto someone else's mind. And the overload of the mind with the other party listening ultimately causes no one to listen to anyone else and everyone waits eagerly for their turn to talk.

Benefits of talking less and listening more

Talking less and listening more in interpersonal communication has a lot of benefits for our relationships. In a world where everyone prefers to talk rather than listen, being a listener can allow other people to enjoy talking to you more and to share more deeply with you. Also, keeping your listening muscle strong can help you better read non-verbal cues such as body language over time, help others be more open to your point of view when you speak, and learn new things. Talking less and listening more also:

1. It allows you to better understand what the other person is saying

When someone is talking to you and telling you something, you usually hear what you want to hear and not focus on what the person really wants to say. Instead of just hearing the other person's words, try to understand them. Notice what he is trying to convey, the emphasis he makes. Maybe there is a subtext in the things you can't "see" and some points are "underlined". Listen, hear and understand.

2. Gives you room to think before you speak

Putting in long listening times before speaking to someone gives you an idea of ​​how you should communicate with the other person. Before you filter what the other person is saying, focus on what they really want to say and give your answer accordingly. In this way, you will not say things that you will regret, you will give the answer that really needs to be given.

3. Helps you speak concisely

Sometimes you ask a person something, and that person will tell you almost everything except the answer you expected. Think about how much this situation bothers you. When you talk less and listen more, every word comes out with a purpose, so there is no room for confusion and misunderstanding.

Another issue; If you want your ideas to have an impact on the other person, it is very important that you choose your words carefully. Try to explain yourself as clearly as possible. Say what's really on your mind, without bullshit, and don't use rude words at this time. Raising the pulse of speech is never the right method.

4. Allows you to internalize everything you need to know before making a judgment

If you spend more time listening than talking, over time you will begin to understand and interpret what is being said to you much better. You learn to approach the issues objectively, which allows you to communicate much more successfully. Imagine you are in a meeting and everyone is arguing about a specific topic. In such a situation, listening to all of the different ideas will help you make a much more accurate and result-oriented decision.

5. Teaches respect for other people's opinions

It is very difficult and hurtful to open your thoughts and heart to someone and hit a huge wall. Even if what you say and what you are trying to say is not accepted by someone else, listening and trying to be understood makes you feel much more valuable. Likewise, trying to better understand what the other person is trying to convey makes the time you spend communicating much more valuable, because at that point a real exchange of ideas comes into play.

6. It gives you the opportunity to get to know the person in front of you better

Finally, although we can easily reach everyone with the development of technology in the current period, it has become more difficult to establish a real communication. We know everything from what the people around us eat, what they wear, what the house they live in looks like, and even what they are doing at that moment. But we don't know much about how that person really feels, their ideas, and their perspective.

“Real” communication is essential to really getting to know someone. Real communication also requires “listening, understanding and analyzing”. Before you apply all these while chatting with someone you just met, you can start to apply them in your communications with people who already exist in your life but whom you think you don't listen to enough and don't take the time to listen.