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What am I doing with my life?

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Written by   62
1 year ago

I have been asking the same question over and over again but I can't seem to find the answer. A question that keeps on bothering me every single day. It gets even more intense whenever I close my eyes to sleep.

But what makes me really wander is that why am I even asking myself this question? Is this a psychological thing? I don't know!

To those who are not subscribed to me on noise.cash, you might not have seen how dramatic I was this past few days. Yes! I was so dramatic and emotionally unstable. If you'll ask me, I won't blame you if you have already blocked me on the site. I was giving out negative energy which is not my attention. I don't have anyone to tell all my problems so I used noise as my medium to voice out what I feel. It actually made me feel better afterwards although I also realized the negative impact it caused other users who might have seen those posts. And with that, I apologize.

Upon writing this article, I actually tried to assess my situation and have some theories on why I keep on asking myself the question "What am I doing with my life?"

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Pride and ego

I was so thankful that I was able to graduate college. I took up Bachelor of Science in Business Administration major in Business Management. By far, this is the greatest achievement of my life. An achievement that I expected to help me rise up and improve my way of living. But, I was so wrong.

Just thinking the fact that I was a graduate and not having a stable job really hurts my ego and pride. I always see my college batch mates working in big companies and having their own businesses while I am here working a 3PM to 12AM job. A job that can't even support myself.

What am I doing with my life?

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Stress

Who doesn't get stress? Can you please switch position with me even just for one day? I just want to feel the feeling of being carefree and selfless.

Going home at 12 midnight is just so hard. There is no public transportation during this time so what other way can I use to go home? A taxi. A mean of transportation that cost me 150PHP or 3 dollars just to go home. You might think that this is just small amount of money but not to me. Not to someone who needs to work 2 jobs and 3 sidelines just to provide for the family. 3 dollars is almost a third of my daily salary.

What am I doing with my life?

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Financial Needs

Utilities, rent, food, transportation, and clothing. This is just some of the things where I spend my salary on. These are basic needs so I don't have a choice but to buy them. If I can live by not having any of those, I will not spend a dime on them.

I don't really know, its just a theory, but if someone is in need financially, more often than not, they cannot think clearly and has a cloud judgement. I think that is exactly what I am experiencing right now. I tend to overthink a lot of times and decide carelessly. This is not even supposed to be happening.

What am I doing with my life?

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Psychological/Mental Condition

Or maybe.. I am just going crazy! I won't be shock if this will be true because its not far from happening. I actually read an article where one cause of people going crazy is because of problems. Problems! And I have a lot of it.

Although, I wish that this is not the reason of why I keep on asking myself:

What am I doing with my life?

You might think that I am over dramatic and too emotional. Its okay. That is your opinion and I respect it a lot. I also know that there are more people out there who are in a more difficult situation right now. But this is a struggle of mine. A struggle that I hope no one in this world should ever experience again.

Thank you for reading until the end!

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Written by   62
1 year ago
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Comments

Wow amazing post i appreciate this post and join this website today now

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1 year ago

Thank you so much.

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1 year ago

Welcome everytime

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1 year ago

How old are you? I'm guessing you are in your early 20s. You are still young. Don't stress too much with what you are doing with your life. Don't also compare your accomplishments with your batchmates. Everyone has their own problems of their own and it may be smaller or bigger than ours but just keep moving forward. Don't put all the weight on your shoulder. Ask help from your parents, siblings or friends. Pray.

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1 year ago

Thank you for this. Yes you are right. I really have to give myself a break from all this stress. Btw, I am 22. 😊

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1 year ago

It's okay to feel. No matter how people think that it's nothing they're not the one who's on your shoes, they don't know your pain. Your feelings are valid, and I hope you'll get well soon.

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1 year ago

You sound normal to me, are you sure we're not neighbors somewhere in Africa?. We all go through hell and we all act out, so long you get back up always get back up I post motivational stuff on noise.cash for myself, words I need to hear because my head is exploding. I breathe, pull myself together, and get back up, thank you for sharing now I don't feel awkward anymore.

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1 year ago

Its so sad that there are really people like us. I am actually from the Philippines. Thank you for sharing this to me.

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1 year ago

I don't know if you are a religious person but all I can say is maybe I can't help you but I will pray for you. That is the least I could do. I have no idea how hard it is that you are experiencing right now but I do hope that God will give you enough strength to overcome all of that. God bless you, Ate. Whatever it is, you can do it. I'll be praying for you.

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1 year ago

I hope so too Mary. I am trying my best right now. Thank you so much.

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1 year ago

You're welcome. Just make sure to give yourself a break, have some rest, even for a slightest time that you can have. Life is tough, but I have faith that you'll be tougher.

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1 year ago

thank you for sharing. it is very courageous of you to voice your doubt and fear. i wish i could help more, but know that you are not alone in these feelings. life is very hard. but you are still here, you are speaking out, you are doing what needs done every day. you can do this!

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1 year ago

To be real honest, my parents is the only motivation that drives me to live every single day. Thank you for those kind words. I appreciate it a lot.

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1 year ago

you are very welcome.

$ 0.00
1 year ago