Remake our Life

What if I take Criminology and not this course that I just take coz I don't have other option? Will my life a little better right now and not like this that has full of what ifs because I didn't take the path I want? I have a job that is not giving me anything but tiredness and stress. It's not healthy anymore.

I feel like I will just drop on the ground because of this feelings that I have and I am not happy with it. Is there even a time that I felt happy? None that I remember. It is just a life with full of struggle and stress. I am not even sure if what I am doing is right now. Until when do I have to keep up with this. Should I continue?

I was just force to take the path that I am walking right now. I don't have a choice that time but only this. I just have to take this path because they think this is whats best for me. Because they think this is the right for me. Even if I want to agree with them I just cant force myself to be happy. I AM NOT HAPPY!

But I have to move forward or I will be left behind. I thought that while walking this path eventually I will find happiness in it. But I thought wrong. I am so wrong and I am regretting it. I can't stop myself from feeling this way because really, it is not making me happy. With these problems piling up and my head just can't put up with it.

They are the one who's happy but how about me? How about my happiness? Didn't I have my own feelings? Am I not allowed to walk the path I want to take. Not just follow the path that everyone is leading me to walk? Should I still go on even if I know that just a little bit more and my knees will give up on me.

It's hard to walk with the other part of you is insisting to go that way even though they want me to take this path. And the result, my knees is about to give up on me. It can't take the weight anymore of the two side of me that is resisting and keep on keep on resisting because of different want. Should I go left? Or right?

I am strangling my own well being. As if I have a choice not to. I want to give it a rest but how? If I do that I will just forget all the things that I really want in my life and make this other side of me to lead the life that I don't want. So who should I listen? I don't know what to do anymore. Different voices whispering in my ears to take this and this and that.

But it's my life.

It's should be my decision.

Nor you! And not anyone else.

How I wish I can remake my Life.

It will be hard yes but not as hard as the life I have now with this - just doing the things I want while having a hard time. But at least I am still happy. It's hard but I will surely enjoy it. I am contented even though I am facing a lot of problems.

Is it left?

Or just right?

Years pass and here I am happy and contented with the path I chose to take. And nope I didn't take left or right - coz I can go on both side. It's just a matter of how you will handle things. As for me, my dreams is what push me to do what I want. But at the same time I didn't let my family down by doing this because I am still living with their dream for me. We just have to compromise. Make things works. You don't have to complicate things. Actually the answer is already in front of you.

Look at it, analyze it, give it some thought and decide. There's a lot to consider but I look into the both side. I'm glad I did. I'm glad I didn't let those negative thought eat the little sanity I have in my mind that is why I was able to think hard of what's good for me and what I really want. And now here I am, HAPPY.

Oh gosh I can't remember when di I wrote this, lol. I forgot to publish it before and I really thought I already publish it because I can see it on the tab where some editor was opened, lol. Nag tago sakin, bastos hahaha.

But anyways this is just a work of fiction and nothing of this ks true. It is also not base on experience so yep, happy reading

September 07, 2o22

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