Negative things you usually say to yourself and you want it to stop.
Do you guys have this number one basher or despiser or the one who loves to really break your confidence by saying a lot of words that is very offensive but you are just accepting it like a money that was handed to you? An ill-wisher something like that. Your number one enemy too?Me, I have that too and that is Myself. I am my number one despiser. The one who say nasty things to myself.
Specially if I am experiencing something or i'm in pain. "You are not beautiful!" "You are not likeable that is why you are rejected." "You Ugly so it's okay." Something like this. Very offensive but this is actually the words or lines that can help me ease the pain I have inside. It is like my way of consoling myself. By saying these mean words.
By doing this, everything seems easy to accept. "Ah, I'm ugly so it's okay if they don't like me." "Ah, I have a lot of insecurities so experiencing this thing is just okay." "It's not new, I'm used to it so what." I actually want to stop doing this but, how can I stop if this words are the words that is saving me from too much heart break?
I can be the only one who can be harsh to my self but it is really a big help for me. I want to stop saying "I'm Ugly" because as what others say, there are no Ugly Creation of Him. I want to stop saying "You are not likeable" coz maybe thr one who will like me the most is still on my way to where I am right now. I want to stop saying those nasty things because I think it is not good even though it can help me big time.
You know despite the front that I always showing to you as a bubbly person I also have this vulnerability and I don't want to show that to anyone so I'd rather just hide it and feel it alone. I also have negative thoughts but choosing to fight alone is what I prefer too. And those words, those nasty words that I am saying to myself. That is the bullets that I let to land in my body. It is just in there ready to use again because that is what's making me stronger.
Sure it hurts, sure the bleeding can't be stop easily, but I can still move forward slowly - numb and until I can't feel any feeling anymore and that is the moment that I can finally move on. Don't know but that is really just my way. Am I weird? For sure there are some here who do that too. Just embracing those nasty words that serves as my shield to the pain that life is throwing at me.
Those words is not just a shield but also a reminder to me that I should've hope or wish about this certain thing because it's never gonna happen. Thanks to these words I survived
Nuxxxx, why I'm so serious no lol. Pag bigyan nyo na guysuuu minsan lang naman ee hihi. It's actually Pinterest fault because of this: Negative things you usually say to yourself and you want it to stop. Nanisi pa ang bruha ¯\(°_o)/¯ haha.
But seriously, do you have something like this too? Words or negative words that you say to yourself. Like you are degrading you own by doing it. For sure a lot can relate. We have this negativities in our body sometimes specially when we are not confident on this one thing. Like for example you are being negative about your final defence etc. I also experience this before. Because I'm not confident that my words will be heard by my listener lol. Aigooo, those memories.
As for me, even if I want to stop it I think I can't do that. It's final I wont stop it. Why stop when it's actually helpful to me right? ƪ(˘⌣˘)ʃ
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©️Lead Image from Unsplash
Date Written: July 09, 2022
Published Date: July 24, 2022
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Ganitong ganito din po ako eh and halos ganyan din po talaga yung mga words na sinasabi ko sa sarili. Pero hindi ko po yun sinasabi sa sarili para lang i down ako, para na din po tanggapin yung katotohanan hahhaha charot lang po.