It Feels Good to be Independent and To Make Your Own Decision

Hmmmmm, I just suddenly this of this while I'm throwing our trash in a public trash bin. The wind is kind of heavy but I like it. It rains too while we're on the middle of the road on our way to the church this morning, a heavy rain. It just stop we get to the church, good thing is I have my umbrella with me.

So, this is what I though while throwing our trash in a public trash bin.

"I can now buy my own umbrella and not wait anymore for Mommy F to noticed that the umbrella she bought for me is already broken. Ahhhh, lucky me that I found a good site where I can earn and save." Because seriously, in my head, she really need to notice first that I'm already out of this or that because I hate asking for something from her.

Well, the reason that I hate asking for it is that, I am to shy to even ask for it. I don't want to say it because I am ashame. Fir example even though I am already out of Shampoo, I will never ask for it to her and just wait to her to notice. I really feel shit and feel so poor because I can have them on my own. My fault too, because I don't look for a job so,.

It just feel good to finally get to decide to buy things on my own. It feels good that I Don't have to wait for Mom to notice and buy me this or that. It really feels good that if J want it, I can just buy it using my own money. I don't need to ask for a permission because it is just depend on me if I will gonna have it. It feel good to be independent, seriously.

I broke a lot of umbrella in the past and it was Mom who decide to buy it. I just have to take care of it. But I feel so guilty that I failed on that part "Taking Care" of it. Because no matter how hard I take of it they will still end up broken. Maybe I am really not that good in taking care of things, it sucks you know. It is a simple thing to do but I always fail.

But now, that I am buying my own things even if I broke it I will not feel guilty anymore because I know that the money used to buy it is not from Mom. Although I am not proud that I easily break things, huehue. Well, shikata nai, shikata nai. I am trying to be more careful with my things now, and just to avoid spending too much. Money is not unlimited duhh.

So yeah, happy me! ╮(＾▽＾)╭

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On to the topic, I am happy to share that I was able to attend on the third Misa de Gallo this morning. We wake up at 3 a.m then went to the church at 3:20 a.m. This is the reason why I stick to my sleeping time at 9 p.m because I have to wake up early for me to be able to attend in the mass. Even mother has a painful legs because of her rayumatisis, she still push herself to attend to the mass so of course I have to keep up, ehehe.

Tomorrow is the fourth day of Misa de Gallo and I am hoping that we can really complete it together with them. I am just glad that the Catholic Church here in our place is not that far from our home. It's just a walking distance so we can really just walk. We can also exercise our legs by doing that so it's really a win-win. My only problem is my outfit, ahaha. I only have 3 pants so I have to wash it again so I can use it. What a drag, lol.

December 18, 2022

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