The Travel To the Past

I post a short post and asking for a help to everyone about what Idea or topic should be the next that I will Write

and some of our Friends here at Readcash leave some comments and I read them.

One of the comments that I read is the comment of @kabboda

I would like to thank you Dear for sharing this Idea. It is a nice topic!

I have a lot of experiences in the Past. At the young age, I experience how difficult living is. I also experience things that we shouldn't do.

When I was young, My life is still Happy. We are a complete Family. Even if our House is just a house made with bamboo and our Bed is made with a tree's body too, it is nice to live it in a house like that because at the early age, I think that even if we are just poor, the most important thing for me is we are living with a complete and happy Family. But, When I was 9, My Mother leaves us, she go to the other Country to find a work. Our House leaves alone with a Empty and darkness.

Starting in that time, We lived at our Grandparents house together with My Father and sister. But, My Grandmother feel us like we didn't belong here so that maybe is the reason why My Father changed he become Drunk every night and at that time, I didn't know that My Family didn't like my Father since then he married my Mother because I am still young.

Our Family broke, My Sister and I didn't and can't do the things that we always do. Like, everytime we have things that we like, we can't have or buy it. Because our money is always hold by my father and sometimes it is spend into food and the other is spend in my Father's cigar.

So, when My father Separate home, because he back to our House. Our money that my mother gives to us as a allowance is hold by our Grandmother. But again, we didn't hold and have it all. Because it is spend in our Grandmother's debt and buy food. Plus, living here makes us Miserable. They still making us feel that we didn't belong here, that we don't own anything here and saying things that it is hurt to feel.

Until I become a Senior High School student, I also experience to rebel. I experience drink some Alcoholic drinks, escaping classes with my Friends, having a boyfriends but I didn't legal them to My Family, talking back to my Grandparents.

Until 'I became the girl that I didn't know anymore.' If you ask me if Why?

Because It is hard living in a Family that they didn't consider you as one. It is hurt to hear the words that coming from their mouth. I envy my cousins, Because our Grandparents treasure them. Caring them and they didn't tell a hurtful words. Maybe because their Parents (My Mother's Siblings) is graduated into college while mother is not. They always see us low.

I also experienced killing myself because of Depression. I always think that I am tired of living with them. I also experienced pack my things and thinking of running away from the people who always giving me a reason to feel depressed. I also experienced cry in front of them because of this because I cannot hold my anger anymore and that time is I'm drunk but I still remember that time when My Auntie slap My Pretty face Hard but It didn't hurt me at all because my Heart is always in pain and that is the most painful that I feel at that time than that slap.

After two years, After Graduating Senuor High School, and I am 20 years old now. i tried to understand It as an a Adult. But, It is still like this. I just facing them with a brightest smile and respecting them always. I changed a lot, from smiling and being kind to everyone, I refused to trusts anyone. I refused to have someone in my life. I refused to be kind hearted and become like a cold and become a prank person in personal and I use social Media to lean on. If you ask me if I am strong everyday, I am not. There is a time that I always cry silently in my room. Since then, I didn't cry infront of others. i don't like to look weak to them.

It is better to keep it in myself than to open with anyone if what are the things that I always think.

I didn't cry now because of others maybe I, experienced a lot of things and I am strungling to lived but I Learned to be strong. I'm fighting this depression. I fighting my own feelings everyday so that I will be remain strong.

Maybe, They hurt me but I would like to thanks them. Because of them, I learned how to become Strong.

Thank you for reading! I am sad writing this article. Because I think again what happened in My past. But it's Okay, Maybe I can share it what I experienced in my Life.

And about My Hobby,I don't have many hobbies. I don't like playing sports, I just reading, writing stories, watching Drama/Movies and Eat a lot. Hehe

Here is the Recent Article that is also related to this If you still didn't read it yet, you can read it Here:

https://read.cash/@Reo/a-thoughts-and-how-i-feel-68e76e47

Thank you!