Tired of what's coming

Have you ever come to the point of thinking about how your life was after graduation? How was things going well? Your plan, journey to choose and path to take? It's pressure right?

How are you my lovelies, I hope you are all doing great as you are. It's an unproductive Friday for me, I hope you are the opposite. As I have nothing to do that makes me alert, alive and enthusiastic lol. Well, maybe just reading more than 20 articles, adding comments and making one will at least make my day.

I am a graduating student in the school that I already shared with you how I felt. I am a student in Business Administration and chose Financial Management, thinking this fits me hahaha. But you know what's the truth, I really hate math ever. When I was in high school I was not good at computing numbers as it gave me a headache. What I love is writing anything as long as it's an essay, even if it's English or Filipino. It's just funny that after I graduate senior high, I choose to be in finance knowing that I would be dealing with numbers. I actually have a choice but I still choose what I hate. Since our school before didn't offer an ABM course which related to basic accounting, I don't really have any background in it. What I did was search and understand it. I thought I can't get through it as my mind won't really cooperate when it comes to math, it won't function as well as it does in the other subjects. I got a low score and that's the reason I have to pay my miscellaneous expenses (at least not all). From the first year up to now, I don't know if I learned something lol. It's just that I don't like numbers.

Guess what, at first I doubted that I couldn't make it, I doubted my capabilities and ability. But here I am, waiting to wear my black toga for graduation but of course it won't happen as our school won't allow face-to-face graduation. But I'm still happy that I got through it, that at least I am the first daughter who finished my studies even though unexpected events happen. As of now I was thinking what will happen after I graduate. From now on, my partner and I will get married. What will happen to me, my career and plan in life?

When I was a kid I thought that when I finish my studies then that ends there but I was wrong it's actually the start of everything. My "what if's" are now starting to build inside my head and it pressured me so bad. When I get married and have my own family then it means that I'm gonna be stuck taking good care of my child and my "husband". It means I can't live my single life at all, no self-time as I have to do this and that. I have a lot of realizations, "everything will never be easy". If you tell me "why not wait for years until we get married", then I'll say "only if we can" but it's not that easy. Until now I'm still wondering, can I make it? Can I be successful even if I have my family? Can I be a good mother and wife? Can I be what I want? Wait what? What do I really want? I don't know, I don't really know. Believe me, it's exhausting thinking about it, that makes me stressed and what I need is a sleep where I can escape from this reality. But no matter how hard I did it's just that this is adulthood and parenthood.

I haven't started yet but I am starting to get tired of what's coming.

Lead image is taken from earth.com

Flexing my generous sponsors ❤️