I'm really good at hiding

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Avatar for Probinsyana
2 years ago

It's been a while since I'm dealing with my migraine and I guess this is not healthy anymore but I didn't have money to do a check-up. However, I'm making sure that everything will be fine. Anyway, waking up at midnight isn't fun at all, when I can't go back to sleep for hours wandering about things. My mind is full of questions and negativity which in fact it's like letting myself drown from it, co'z I can't find any positive solutions from where I am tonight. The clouds seemed to understand my feeling today, as it poured rain and the darkness showed. I even want to see stars but I guess there's no reason at all because my life is as dark as the clouds.

My article might embrace negativity but I have to share it with you co'z if I don't, then my heart will not be at peace. At least I have someone to lean on here when I don't have one in the outside world. I might don't know you personally but I'm grateful that I have you who's willing to listen co'z no one wants to. My life was totally a mess, yes, it is. I've been struggling mentally right now. I can't think straight, all I want to do is to cry and cry until my eyes get tired and fall asleep. My heart is in pain and so is my mind. I want to shout to release everything but I can't as I don't want anyone to know. However, I don't want to be a burden to anyone, so it's better to keep everything by myself co'z for sure at the end of the day, it's my fault right? I have this situation where I don't know what to do exactly. I can't even tell my parents because all I want for them is happiness, not a problem of mine. I don't even want to share this with friends excluding @JustMaryel co'z she knows from the start. Again, I've been dealing in depression that all I want to do is to kill myself. Yes, you read it right. SUICIDE is what in my mind for a long time now but can't do it. Why? Simply because I don't want to hurt my family, I don't want to see them crying just because of me. But for real I am so TIRED, if sleeping can heal it I'll surely already did but it just can't co'z everytime I wake up the problems comes first in my mind.

research-live.com

That's why I choose to tell it here co'z at least y'all don't know me personally. My apologies for sharing this with you guys is just that it's like I'm going to pop anytime. I'm FULL, my mind is in chaos, my heart is broken. As I said, I can't call anyone for help co'z I don't want them to worry about me. To be honest I'm good at HIDING. Hiding my pain and laughing in front of others. I can give them advice but can't do it myself. I'm their listener and a crying shoulder. I can be a clown just to make them laugh but can't do it when I'm in pain. I can be an optimistic person in front of them but I'm the opposite when I'm alone. I care for them so it's better this way right? I mean at least I can give them happiness though I'm struggling. I can be their light though my life is in the dark. I can be their shining armor though I have already been stabbed. I can be their life though I'm almost in death.

See I'm really good at hiding the real me.

Lead image is taken from psychologies.co.uk

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Avatar for Probinsyana
2 years ago

Comments

All you need is someone you can talk all your problems in life.usually yung mga taong masiyahin eh my tinatago palang pain and struggles.I can see myself in you sis.I am just glad that I have God who always been my forever listener,though di ko naman siya literal na nakakausap at di rin naman siya sumasagot pero alam kong handa siyang makinig sa akin kasi alam kong siya ang tanging nakakaintindi sa akin.Dati kasi I have my 2 close friend na pwede kong mkausap sa paulit ulit na kadramahan ng buhay ko pero ngayon eh pareho na silang malayo at my mga sariling family at ayaw ko namang isturbuhin sila. Talk to God sis and ask him for guidance I am sure di ka niya pababayaan.

$ 0.00
2 years ago

I think it is much easier to encourage and give support to others, than to ourselves. We can be the most entertaining person in others' eyes, but not so happy when on our own. Please do not do things, that could hurt others badly.

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2 years ago

Apparently, migraine is often related to stress. I hope you can take some time to de-stress :)

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2 years ago

What is the root cause of these thoughts madam? The migraine is just a reaction to the bigger picture eh. If you don't mind me asking.

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2 years ago

Jusko maskin unsa kadaghan ayaw jud na buhata.

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2 years ago

Too much secret you've been hiding may give you pressure on hiding it. You're probably not comfortable and with your actions cause you might be speak wrong to other people can incidentally reveal you've been hiding for. If you want to ease you self learn to diminish hiding things on you own. But I understand if you remain in silent cause sometimes revealing a things might trigger the situation.

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2 years ago