Letter to a Former Friend

I suppose the title is accurate enough, though this isn't really a letter. I know you'll never read these words, but I feel like I have to write them anyway.

I've made my peace with things but I'll admit sometimes I still wonder what exactly happened. It happens at times when my mind is quiet or, as quiet as it ever is. It will wander down a path I have tried to forget and open a dusty box I wanted to keep sealed. Funny how the things you've tried to bury are the ones that try to surface the most, usually at the worst times too.

We used to be so close and then we weren't. There was no warning, no angry words spoken, no disagreements. Just silence. One day we talked and then we didn't. Just like that. I called, texted, messaged but nothing. It was like you dropped off the face of the Earth.

The last night we talked, there was no hint that you were planning to never speak to me again. You were so happy that night. Talking about your boyfriend. How great he was. How sweet and smart he was. How much you loved him.

I only knew what you told me. I didn't know him at all. We never met, or spoke. When my calls went unanswered and messages went unread, I worried. You weren't even checking your social media accounts. Your family said they hadn't heard from you after you moved out.

I worried more. Wondering if something had happened to you and after months of agony, I discovered that you were around you just didn't want to talk to me. It was hard because the truth was, I needed my best friend.

I guess that's exactly it though, isn't it? MY bestfriend. You were mine, but I clearly wasn't yours, and that's okay. But it didn't change that it hurt.

When I lost people I loved, I needed you. When I got thrown aside by someone who was supposed to love me, I needed you. When I held my heartbroken daughter after that same person destroyed her, I needed you.

You weren't there and I put myself back together without you. I should thank you for that. It made me stronger. Just like the time before and the time before that when others did it to me. I often wonder what it is that makes me so easy to abandon, forget.

If I could talk to you one last time, that is what I would want to know. If I'm being honest though, I have moved past it. It doesn't hurt anymore which is exactly why I'm writing this now, years later because I can finally type it without tears clouding my vision and streaming down my face.