Love Shouldn't Hurt

Aya

Aya is one of my godchildren. She is the daughter of my tita, my father's sister. She has two beautiful daughters. One is 6 years old, and the youngest is 5 years old. Yesterday, when my sister called, she mentioned that Aya was still in her house and was left there intentionally by her mother to keep her away from her abusive and drunken husband. According to what my sister told me, Aya has been beaten by her husband many times, especially when he is drunk. And they had been brought to their barangay captain every time they were fighting, and even their barangay was sick of them fighting. They had been separated many times, but Aya still went back to her husband. So their last resort was to bring Aya to Bataan because she could not easily go back to her husband. 

Ate Wilma

I met Ate Wilma when I was sixteen. She is related to my Tita's husband and had to stay in their house for days because she was beaten up by her husband. That left bruises on some parts of her body. She even had a black eye. I got a chance to talk to her one time when we were left alone at the house. I was watching TV when she approached and started talking to me while she was crying. I suppose she felt the need to vent to me about everything. So I was listening to her, then I asked her why she let her husband beat her up. And why did she have to endure everything? Then I heard the craziest thing of my life. According to her, her husband is kind when he is not drunk. That he is a thoughtful husband. That he loves him so much that she can endure anything because, for her, he is her everything. At that time, it sounded so cheesy to me. Then I asked her again how often her husband gets drunk. And she said, "Every day." As in, what the fuck? He beats her only when he was drunk and he was drunk every day. Seriously? At that time, I didn't know how to react, so I just kept my silence and let her cry until her eyes dried out.

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Why am I sharing this? Last week, I read @meitanteikudo's article about domestic violence. You can check out his article here. According to VAWC (Violence Against Women and Children), one in four Filipino women aged 15-49 has experienced physical, emotional, or sexual violence by their husband or partner. Source

In this part, I will be using taglish na because I think I could explain ng mas maayos if I use Taglish(Tagalog English) so please bear with me.

Disclaimer: I am not an expert. I am just sharing my thoughts about the issue.

What could be the reasons, bakit di maiwan iwan ng mga babae yung mga asawa nila kahit ginagawa na silang punching bag? Let's make Aya as na example. When I talked to her, I ask her bakit sya nagtitiis sa asawa nya. Eh wala naman sya napapala kundi puro pasa lang sa katawan. And isa pa, bukod sa pag-iinom eh may iba pa itong bisyo? And ang sagot nya sa akin eh ganito, kapag daw kasi umalis sila sa poder ng asawa nya, sino daw magpapakain sa mga anak nya, paano nya bubuhayin ang mga anak nya mag-isa?

So by what Aya told me, isa sa mga reason eh yung pagiging dependent natin sa mga asawa natin, financially and emotionally. Iniisip kasi agad eh wala ng mangyayari sa buhay kapag naghiwalay sila mag asawa and ginagawa pang reason ang mga anak. For me that is wrong, we should not think that way. Kaya natin buhayin ang mga anak natin basta magsikap lang tayo. Mas di healthy sa mga bata yung nakikita nila na ginagawa kang punching bag ng asawa mo.

Kaya saludo ako sa mga single mother na lahat eh gagawin para lang mabigyan ng magandang future ang mga anak nila, just like our dear @mommykim . She worked hard to give her son a good future even if that means that she had to be far from him.

And with Ate Wilma naman, I really don't know how to react noong sinabi nya na mabait naman daw ang asawa nya kapag di nakainom and when I asked her kung gaano kadalas mag-inom asawa nya, everyday daw. So everyday eh ginagawa syang punching bag. So katangahan ba matatawag yun, kamartiran? Para sa kanya kasi eh sa asawa nya lang umiikot ang mundo nya kaya tinitiis nya lahat. Iniisip nya siguro na wala ng magmamahal sa kanya kapag iniwan nya asawa nya. Oh my gosh! that is totally absurd!

I know, some would react na madali lang sabihin kasi wala naman tayo sa sitwasyon nila. Easier said than done, ika nga. But hey girls, we should not think that way. Dapat eh matuto tayo na mahalin ang mga sarili natin. Huwag natin iasa ang kaligayahan natin sa iba especially sa mga asawa natin. We are responsible for our own happiness. Huwag natin gawing mundo ang mga lalaki! Kapag natutunan natin na mahalin ang mga sarili natin, magrereflect yun sa mukha natin or sa mga sarili natin. Bilib me, nakakaganda sya, lol! Seriously speaking, love yourself para mahalin ka ng iba. Paano ka mamahalin kung ikaw mismo eh di mo kayang mahalin ang sarili mo di ba?

So kapag ginagawa ka ng punching bag ng asawa mo, pack your things, bitbitin mo mga anak mo palabas ng bahay and think of the things na dapat mo gawin para sayo at sa future ng mga anak mo!

This is just my opinion guys, baka kasi may matrigger sa mga pinagsasabi ko, HAHAHA! Anyways, you can share our thoughts about the issue din. Leave it in the comment section para pag-usapan natin.

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Date Published: April 18, 2022

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