Hard Pill to Swallow
"Shit happens." Have you watched the movie "Forrest Gump?" It is one of the best movies of Tom Hanks. In the said movie, someone asked for his advice while he was running and this phrase just came out because he stepped on poop, shit, or dang, whatever you want to call it. Apparently, that man succeeded in his business with that phrase, "Shit Happens."
Shit happens, shit happens in life. No matter how hard we try, there are always a time where we are put to the test. No matter how hard we try, there will always a time that we are put in a situation that is so hard to digest, so hard to accept. It has been 3 months that I was diagnosed with Wallenberg syndrome and Myasthenia gravis. Both are rare disease but glad that Wallenberg is a curable disease. And I am grateful that I won over Wallenberg. However, Myasthenia gravis doesn't have a cure but it can be treated, confused? It means, the medicines will only help prevent or minimize the symptoms that the patient experience but it cannot cure the disease.
Just a week ago, while my husband and I were having breakfast, he told me that, just when he lost his job, that is also the time that I got sick, not just one but two. I just kept my silence and continued eating. But I was already teary-eyed and I could not swallow my food. I know that my husband is having a hard time with our situation, especially that he has no family here in Capiz where he could easily ask for help. He's doing everything just to have a money for my medicine and as his wife I am also doing my part and just a few days ago, I made a wrong decision that compromised my health.
Just to minimize or lessen our expenses, instead of taking my meds three times a day, I made it once a day. At first, I did not feel any difference from taking it 3x a day compared to once a day. But after 3 days, I felt weak especially in my arms and legs. I could hardly walk and if my husband asked me what's wrong, I just told him that I am just tired. I still do the house chores just not to be obvious that I felt weak. But there is no secret that can be kept hidden, so last night, I could not eat properly and I could not swallow my food. He then asked me if I am taking my meds on time, I told him the truth and he got mad. He said that I am just making things worst. He said, "Bahala ka na sa buhay mo kapag may nangyari sayo. Sarili mo di mo pa kayang alagaan." I just cried. I totally understand him. He was so pressured and yes I am just making the situation worst.
I just want to help but I always end up making the wrong decision. You may all think that I am okay with what I have right now because I am always happy in my post in noise, but I am hurting inside. I keep asking God why me? Why it has to be me? This is so hard for me to accept because it felt like my life is always hanging on a thread. I might die tomorrow, the day after tomorrow or next week. Man, I still have many things that I wanted to do. Such is life.
But that's life, shit happens. I have two options, accept it or accept it, lol! I guess time will come that I can wholeheartedly say "I am okay."
Good news, just this morning, someone phoned my husband for a repair job and he was paid 1,000 pesos or $20. We went to the drug store and bought my meds that would be enough for 3 days. I guess there is always a light at the end of the tunnel.
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Date Published: January 23, 2022
Fighting lang madamsss. Di na talsga mawawala ya g mga hamon ng buhay na yaan na mapapaisip ka nalang if may galing ba sayo any lsngit pero fighting lang sana tuloy ang buhay 😁