Wrong Motive.

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I always say it, a relationship is not by force. You would marvel at some strange reasons why some people want to get married. It would make you doubt if they know what they are getting themselves into and it would make you question their sanity.

We all need to understand that being in a relationship requires a lot of commitment and some basic understanding. Now, moving to marriage, you need to not only be sure, but you need to be ready mentally, sexually, spiritually, morally, socially and even financially. There are some tortures you don’t need to put yourself through that can be avoided. Love is not always enough, common sense is a vital ingredient to have too.

Many people are led by the way they feel towards the person they have come to love and they jump blindly into the next phase without thinking twice. You must go into marriage with your heart and your head. Marriage is a big step and you need to be honest with yourself and ask yourself why you are getting married. The answer you come up with will determine the challenges you would face in it.

I heard and witnessed about ladies that said it's their husband that has to foot the bills for their wedding while she sits there and does nothing because she feels that is the true test to see if he is man enough to get married. There was a lady many years ago that the boyfriend dragged to me and she was hiding under the pretext of "I am not working". I am sharing this again for us to see how so many people have gotten the whole idea of marriage wrong. Most parents have instilled into their children that marriage is a goal and it is the epitome of everything a lady can be in life and that is horrible teaching to pass down to your children. This is why some ladies feel it's the responsibility of the man to see if he is ready while they do nothing and this is where some guys too get their archaic thinking from that they have to invite the girl to their house to cook, clean and do all odd jobs so she can pass the "wife material" test.

There is more to life than marriage. As much as I love marriage, I have heard so many people kick against it and they are still getting by. I am not saying you shouldn’t or you should, but what I am saying is that if you must, your reasons must be genuine and not because you want to conform to societal demands.

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Many people want to get married because they don’t want to be left behind. They would tell you that when you have clocked a certain age, then you should and must naturally be feeling pressured if you have not gotten married. Where was that script written? I must have missed the memo. We seem to have gotten a lot of things wrong as humans. We are the ones putting unnecessary pressure on each other based on our views which wouldn't always be right. We sometimes create rules for ourselves because we have seen a pattern that others followed.

Maybe your friend got married at 26, and your cousin got married at 26 and your blood brother or sister also got married at 26, naturally, when you clock 26 and are still unmarried, you start having the feeling of failure. You are defining how well you are doing in life based on the standards of others. Do you know how many people died at 26 too? Do you know how many people haven't gotten what you have gotten at 26? Stop belittling your achievement because one area of your life hasn't been ticked off, yet. Come off it! You need to get your reasons right. You need to be able to answer the questions of ‘why’ before you can give birth to answers to so many questions that will spring up in your marriage. Why do you want to get married? You need to ask yourself that.

When you have crossed a particular age, your parents start piling pressure on you, society starts seeing you as a failure and the moment you have other reasons to theirs, they think you are not thinking straight. I have seen couples who said they won’t try to have kids until 4 years after marriage and because the "society" and "social media in-laws" are not seeing any baby bump, they feel there is a spiritual undertone to it. They feel something is wrong and starts inventing a problem that never existed in the first place.

You need to let your "why" be the judge of every step you want to take in life, particularly marriage that requires a long time commitment and a lifetime of sacrifice. I have heard terrible reasons why some people want to get married. You will feel like slapping some people back into common sense when they open up their mouths to tell you why. Please, whatever reason you come up with, no matter how foolish it is, be honest with yourself and try to seek a better and greater reason. Remember, be honest with yourself.

...to be continued...

Thank you for your time.

My pen doesn't bleed, it speaks. I am love's chemical content in human form and that's why I advise people to take a dose of "Olawalium" daily. 🙈

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