It's Not A Crime, II.

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These are some of the pointers you need to know while being single to make you appreciate your singleness while looking ahead...

Discover Yourself:

The first thing we need to understand about ourselves is to know and understand who we are. Do you even ask yourself ”Who am I?”. You need to find out and then understand who you are. If you don't understand yourself, how do you want someone else to understand you? How do you want someone that didn't grow up with you to understand you the way you would have liked?

As a single person, you need to find your purpose. When you know who you are then you will know the kind of love you need and can accept. A man or woman with an identity is always attractive. When you are better as a human, only then can someone desire to be with you. Stop feeling bad about being single, focus on adding more value to yourself.

Be Sensitive:

It's hard to judge those who love you or those who don't by merely looking at them. If anyone successfully deceived you, you are to be blamed and not the person. Fool me once, shame on you... fool me twice, shame on me. We need to understand human habits and look for warning signs. There are warning signs in every relationship and you need to be sensitive enough to find them. When you find them, you can now decide if it is something you can live with, but if you can’t, simply let the person go. For the sake of your mental health, let them go. Go into a relationship with both your head and your heart. You need both to function well to be able to make better decisions. Sometimes with our emotions, we are blinded to other things as our focus is magnified. This usually clouds our judgement and it makes us accept anyhow we are treated while forgetting we deserve better. This is where using your head comes in.

Common Ground:

We now live in the era where when something is broken, rather than fix it, we want to throw it away and most people still have this same mentality as they carry it into their relationship. You need to understand that there is a need to find a common ground. Learn it by your interactions with your friends first before you go into a proper relationship with someone. Don't expect everyone to roll over for you. You can't always get away with things, so fixing this mindset would help you prepare ahead.

Take your time before you accept anyone. Understand the language they speak and where they are coming from so you can know how to find a common ground. How do you marry someone that thinks your relevance is mainly inside the kitchen and you know yourself that you are not the sit-at-home kind of lady? When the common ground becomes difficult to reach, just let things go before you complicate yourself further. A relationship doesn’t succeed in a relationship, it succeeds before the relationship.

Attraction:

Different things appeal to different people and this is why you should never force a relationship with someone you are not attracted to. Don't think it would grow over time. Different things attract different people. How do you even date someone you don't like? There is a part attractiveness plays in a relationship especially in the place of romance too when you eventually get married. Why would you want to marry someone whose touch irritates you? Like, how and why would you want to do that to yourself or even that person?

Attention they say always brings affection, so when you notice you have interacted with someone and you still don’t like him or her, just let them go.

Accountability:

Don't ever stay in a relationship with someone that isn't accountable to anyone. Someone who fears no one, who doesn't like being told what to do, who doesn't take corrections and reacts badly to being politely corrected...someone who feels he or she must always be right and would distort the truth and go to any length no matter how messy just to get one over you. It's not worth it and it would drain you mentally.

Your partner should and must have someone he or she is accountable to. Some situations would require you to speak directly to someone your partner is accountable to just to diffuse a situation.

We should have an accountable figure. We need to have someone we can easily relate with. When you are not accountable to someone, when you have no one that can calm you down or tame you when you are angry, then there is a big problem. When someone you are in a relationship with doesn’t have an accountability partner, then you need to start being careful because when trouble starts, who are you going to run to just to hear you out?

Thank you for your time.

My pen doesn't bleed, it speaks. I am love's chemical content in human form and that's why I advise people to take a dose of "Olawalium" daily. 🙈

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