How Is It Her Fault?

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She has been tainted by the society that was designed to protect her. Her life ceased to be her own the moment her cousin decided to sleep with her. She felt used and disturbed and she was reluctant to open up to even her parents. She is a girl, her father is not particularly keen on her because all he wanted was a boy. I don't know where society has gone wrong to think the girl child is a liability rather than another child to be excited about.

She was down and out but you could feel it within her bones that she is tired. She kept to herself a lot and the mother didn't seem sensitive enough to ask her what the problem was, especially after a month since the cousin starts living with them. The cousin is much older; 26 and she is just a girl of 16 with no other sibling available. The other siblings are boys and that was why the father facilitated their move to study abroad at a tender age. She was left all alone at home to "help" her mother, the father said.

She had thought long and hard about ending her life because she didn't even know how the mother would take it and knowing how the father is, she knew she could never discuss anything of such with him. It got so bad that she got pregnant and rather than be pitied, the father said she seduced people around. No one believed her when she said it was her cousin as that one twisted the story and said she came on at him several times but he pushed her away. Her attitude of keeping to herself worked against her as they felt her absence from the house a few times with locking herself in her room meant she has a lot to hide.

Nothing hurts more when those who are supposed to have your back turn around to hurt you. She had no choice but to end her life leaving her notes behind. It took her death for them to believe their own daughter and have the cousin arrested.

The world is messed up and it's funny how people view certain situations. No one can fully understand what goes on in the head of another. We have parents who don't value the opinions of their child but that child is a girl. Since when has it been a crime to be a girl? Was the mother the father married not once a girl? Was it the fault of the child that she was born? Who determines the sex of a child and how does it have to be her fault?

When I hear some stories I just wish I could give so many people a hive five with a sledgehammer on the face. It's shameful how some people think and more disappointing when you expect better from there. I have known countless people who you would expect to be a reservoir of knowledge but these people never had a thought. In my language, we always say that it's disappointing when you expect wisdom from someone only to be met with stupidity. Indeed, the weight of sands and stones are nothing compared to what stupidity can cause.

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There is always the need for parents to earn the trust of their children. If your child won't talk to you, who else do you want her to speak with? Some people would push their child to speak with those out there whose influence would be more damaging than for them to do right by their child. Parenting isn't just about giving birth to a child and providing the basic things for them like food, clothing and shelter, it is a lot more.

Parenting is about moulding a life, guiding a life and pushing that life to be the best. I am always surprised when I hear parents talk about doing their part in feeding and clothing the child. That's not something to brag about nor is it something you should be praised for. A baby is not magic. You had unprotected sex, what were you expecting? A plasma TV? I don't get it and it's hard to understand it.

Everything in life calls for planning and when mistakes, as many would call them, happen, you have to deal with them. You can't blame the child for being born, he or she didn't ask for it and the best you can do is to help that child, guide that child, invest your time, energy and resources in that child. See that child as a mini-you... See that child to be the best and not be deprived of the things you have missed in life. Most parents take their frustration out on their child based on the upbringing they had and that's morally and logically wrong. We should seek to be better and not repeat the pattern that made us messed up.

We should encourage people to speak up and give them the help they need. I know society has been designed to frustrate us and twist our stories and this is why we need a working system where people can report these issues of molestations and harassment without being judged or looked at differently. Society is supposed to protect us while we give our best to society too. It should be a mutually beneficial arrangement but that is not the case. There are a lot of factors in place in which money and gender roles play a big part. It is sad, disheartening and shouldn't be allowed to thrive.

As good as justice was served in arresting the cousin, it wasn't enough because a life was lost in the process and nothing can replace that. The parents would have themselves to blame for it for the rest of their lives and they might have just robbed the world of another greatness in the girl that died. We need to look beyond gender and start focusing on the potential. Men alone cannot build the world...women cannot be shoved to the back because they have an equally important role to play.

Thank you for your time.

My pen doesn't bleed, it speaks. I am love's chemical content in human form and that's why  I advise people to take a dose of "Olawalium" daily. 🙈

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