How Do You Communicate?

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It's funny the kind of life we have created for ourselves as humans. We have ignored the basic things because we are going in search of other things. The basic things might look little but they are significant. Those tiny pieces can make up a whole and when you leave it unchecked, those tiny pieces can cause a whole lot of problems.

I don't know which school of thought told many people that communication should be assumed. I am responsible for what I say and not for what you think. I can say something and still choose to say nothing but the interpretation is entirely up to us and that's why we need to communicate so as not to give room for assumptions.

As little as communication is it is basic and everyone should learn how to communicate. Your choice of words, your tone and even your expressions go a long way. You can say something but your expressions can say something else. We need to learn how to effectively communicate with people to pass across the needed things we want to say.

I have heard and seen relationships broken because they lacked basic communication skills. The other partner expected the other partner to know things about her without her saying them. As adorable as that sounds it is a free fall to disaster. No one can know anything major about you if you don't voice it out and it is from the things you voice out that other things can be observed. I understand we learn by observation too and there are some things we know by the virtue of association with someone.

I made ginger tea and I have known this person to always take out of my ginger tea. I only made enough for myself and didn't want to add further water to it, so this is what I did. I made two and I took just one out to test my observation. The moment I walked in, the first thing she said was, "Let me see". I showed her and she took a sip and then dropped it. I smiled. I went back and pick the second one I already made and the moment I walked in, she laughed and said, "You know me too well". That's learning and knowing things by observation but it can never take the place of knowing major things if you didn't communicate them.

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There are a lot of assumptions in a relationship; any kind of relationship. We assume a lot by what our brain has put together even when we don't have the whole view of things and that's why we ask questions. Some people don't like being asked questions because they feel attacked and such people have no right to complain that people don't know them enough since they hardly give anything away.

It takes an extra sensitive person to know something is off and trust me, not everyone is that sensitive and hence the need for communication. We need to be observant of the changes in people just as much as we want them to communicate with us. It goes both ways. Your partner won't know certain things unless you tell them.

My long term friend called me up many years ago and told me the lady he was dating back then has changed a bit. I called her up and asked her what the issue was. She told me that she was no longer interested because my friend wants to be told everything and she felt he should know things without being told. The relationship crashed because they both failed to communicate. She is right, there are some things you don't need to be told and he is right too, there are some things he can't know unless she mentioned it.

It's easier to know from patterns what her favourite colour is, the kind of dresses she likes to wear and her kind of person; if she is the outgoing type or introverted kind of person. Those can be known by observation but how do you want him to know you don't want more than 2 children or maybe you don't even want at all? How do you also want her to know you've been married before if you never brought it up in a conversation? Many important discussions must be had before a relationship goes on and we have left most of them to assumptions.

You both need to decide and communicate how many children you wish to have or maybe you don't want any? What kind of gender would you prefer or you are the type that accepts any as long as they are your kids? How soon do you want children after marriage and what happens if that was delayed or if it comes earlier? How do you go about family interference? How do you balance work and home? What's the end goal regarding migration or there is none? Most people know they should ask these questions and communicate with their partners regarding it but they are too scared to find out the truth and still, they would go on and say their partners don't know them. No relationship can stand without understanding that communication is part of a relationship.

Communication is important where any kind of relationship is concerned. When you noticed something you don't like or anything questionable, you ask questions. When you also noticed something amazing, communicate and appreciate it because it makes your partner understands the things you like so he or she can do it more deliberately and then know about the things you dislike so they can learn how to avoid them. Sacrifice and relationship go hand in hand just like communication and relationship.

Stop leaving things to chance, stop assuming and start communicating. There is a huge difference between speaking and communication.

Thank you for your time.