I'm anxious about college

Off My Chest Article No. 1

The end of academic year is around the corner. Grade 12 students will be freshmen in college in a few months. I am one of them.

College will be too far different from what I've used to in elementary and high school. College will be something new and different to me. In college, I'll meet new people again, there will be new system, I will have tougher subjects, and this phase is linked to my future career.

Days are passing by and time is running. I am graduating in Senior High School. Then, college is waving and I have a lot of things anxious about it.

Anxious about university admission

The Covid-19 pandemic affects mostly everything. It affects businesses and jobs, transportation, tourism, and entertainment industry and the education system including college/ university admission.

Many universities and colleges don't have entrance exams or admission tests. They will base on my grades since Junior High School up to Senior High to evaluate whether I'm deserving to be admitted in their university.

My dream university and top choice is one of them too which is the University of the Philippines. After the school year ended when I was in Grade 11,no classes, I bought books and reviewers online to prepare for entrance exams especially on UPCAT. I studied and reviewed most of the time, setting anime and games aside.

Then, UP announced that there will be no UPCAT. I'm slightly disappointed with the news because I already put an effort to it. Anyways, I still used what I've reviewed in entrace exams in PMA, TUP-V and other one state college here and I passed.

I am worried because they will base the evaluation primarily on my grades since Grade 8 up to Grade 11. My general average is above 90 though but there are subject grades that are too low that I'm not confident about. My Math grades are no that high in my whole high school and my Science grades when I was in Grade 8 and Grade 9 too. My course choices are all Engineering causing me to become more anxious because of grades in STEM subjects are not excellent. Which I think does not suit in one of the top universities in the country.

The results will be out in July. As I am becoming closer to that month, I feel more pressured and anxious. And a lot of people expect too much to me.

On the bright side, because of the grade-basis system, I am able to apply to some universities that I like too. Before pandemic, these schools provide entrance exams in their campus. I don't want to risk and spend money to travel to NCR from Neg. Occidental for a test I am not confident and sure to pass. These are Polytechnic University of the Philippines and Philippine State College for Aeronautics. I used the change in admission process on my side. I am still worried about the results that will be released in a few months because of my past grades.

I also applied to some universities in my province. Gladly, they provide entrance exams. Just recently,they posted tge results and I'm glad to be qualified in Technological University in the Philippines and Carlos Hilado Memorial State College. But these universities /college are just my back up when I didn't qualified to the first three I mentioned earlier.

Grades from the past is a factor for my university in the future. Because of this, I have regrets and I wished that I put some extra effort back then. My grades could be better and I could have achieved more.

The past is already in the past, so I'm looking forward to the future.

Anxious about distant learning

There's no face to face classes in schools because of the pandemic. Because of this I have hard time adjusting with the method of distant learning such as modules and virtual classes.

I guess, our classes will be online in college. It will be hard for me because I don't have a good gadgets for online class like laptop and we don't have stable Internet connection. I might be also left behind by my classmates.

Currently, in Grade 12,having module is draining. I didn't learn and it seem ineffective. I am worried in college because my subjects will be tougher and may be I won't learn through distant learning.

I don't just go to school to study but also escape the environment at home. When I was in Grade 11, I go home at night even our class is just half day in the morning. In school, I have friends to spend time with–my comfort and peace. When I am at home, I am always stressed because of the noisy environment and I don't have friends in our neighborhood. I'm hoping in that in college, I will move in a dormitory away from our home for face to face classes but the pandemic came. Having a noisy environment causes me stress and loses my focus and concentration. In college, my learning environment is still out house and I don't like this circumstance.

Modules and online learning causes me too much stress plus the environment. It negatively affects me and my mental health. I am mentally exhausted with just our modules even I am just in senior High. In college, my subjects is harder and with unstable internet connection, I will have hard and stressful time which can negatively affect me more. Also, there will be no actual classmates I am close with to ask help for.

The campus life and experience that I am looking forward to since Junior High change into me facing the screen for classes. I'm worried about the distant learning this college because it affects my learning and mental health and I might have hard time to afford and adjust to it. I am hoping to #LigtasnaBalikEskwela.

Honestly, I'm planning to stop after I graduate this Senior High because of ineffective distant learning in college.

Anxious about my capability

Since I was in Elementary, I excel in class, achieve hight grades and win competitions. Nonetheless, I'm still struggling in Mathematics. I find this subject hard and I hate it.

In my whole experience in school, the lowest grade I got is in Math subject. In Grade 9, I got 79 in one quarter which is the first line-of-seven grade I got in my whole life, also I got an 80 in my Grade 10 in the same subject.

Even the basics in algebra and trigonometry that was taught in Junior High School is still difficult for me. Even, on my quiz bee competitions back then, memorizing dates, percentages and anything with number is not a piece of cake.

As someone who is planning to take engineering courses and who is not good at math, college will be a hell for me. Mathematics is vital in my course and has a lot of subjects that involves it.

I'm planning to brush off my skills and knowledge in math again when I have extra time by reviewing. I'm going to prepare for my course and college. But still, I can't avoid to be anxious about my weakness I'll face in college which will be more difficult. Besides, I'll facing this subject again through distant learning. I am hoping to survive and learn effectively about Math and others in college.

Anxious about my course choices

Applying to a university requires me to choose my course/s. I already made up my mind. I already have a plan and course choices.

I don't see myself from outside the STEM field. It can be observed in my Top 4 in National Career Assessment Examination (NCAE). For that reason, I will take an engineering course. This course is not my dream which is to be astronaut or pilot but can still be a stepping stone.

My Course choices in Top 3 chosen university :

BS Aeronautical Engineering -PHILSCA

What I'm worried about are my 'what-ifs' when I take engineering.

What if STEM or Engineering is not for me? What if I don't survive in my chosen course? What if I fail because I'm weak at math? What if I am chasing a wrong target and I'm walking in a different path?

There's a lot more what-ifs in my mind which lead me to become more anxious about my course choices.

In a few months, we will welcome the new school year. I will going to graduate in Senior High School and will enter college soon as freshman.

As day goes by, I am becoming more anxious about university admission, distant learning, my capability in college and my course choices. In general, I'm anxious about college.

'Off My Chest' will be my new series of articles about things I want to rant or release off my chest.