Dear my Lover's Lover

Yesterday, I took off near the beach. I wander on the sandy soil under my feet. I feel stung by the heat of the sun so I decided to sit in a shade. I was in a deep slumber as far as I could remember before bringing myself here. I never felt this complete sadness before. I didn't imagine enjoying solitude when I was used to having someone with me all the time.

This extreme sadness is slowly eating my flesh. I am more like a corpse floating in the crowd. Well, technically I've been dead. I died the moment my heart was shattered into bits and pieces. Will I ever be able to live again when it kills me multiple times to see the one I love, loving someone else?

Jealousy is a very fatal disease. It kills me seeing him holding her hands, fumbling around her waist, kissing her, and I hate it more when I start imagining the things they do behind closed doors.

Her beauty shouts perfection. How could I be at peace knowing how lucky he is to have such an angel? I know in myself that I was good enough for him but he's got the best. I don't know where should I place myself in this world when I always found myself beside him. I couldn't take my sight from the calming waves of the vast ocean because it contradicts what is inside my mind, it was full of chaos.

Dear my Lover's Lover,

I hope it crosses your mind that you weren't the first one he love. Everything you did together, we already shared those.

But I hate to think that maybe you're really that special enough to break us apart. My only wish is that you will never make him feel the way I'm feeling right now. Love him more than the love I gave to him.

For the last time, I hope he remembers me, as someone who made him the happiest once in his life.

Lead image from Unsplash.

Hi, it's me, Noelle, please like and subscribe.