Ashes of Memories

Have you ever found it difficult to let go of something you once cherished? Something full of wonderful memories you don't want to let go of. Something that when you look at it, makes you smile bigger until it no longer cheers you up but instead makes you cry.

Unexpected events abound in life. You're happy today but now tomorrow. It was full of joy at first, but then it vanished without warning. The genuine smile you used to see from the person you love begins to fade. Eyes no longer reflect love, compassion, and appreciation; instead, his stares became cold. You used to love me but now you treat me as a stranger. His feelings changed as well as him.

July 2021, we officially parted up. I tried and tried and tried till the end of the year to save all that had been lost, including myself. I'm hoping you'll miss me and that you'll come back. Until I became so empty and exhausted from pleading which you always ignored. So I decided to stop and start focusing on myself, bringing back the happiest and most energetic version of myself, as well as my passions, which offer me genuine joy. I recall the night when I made the decision to wait until the end of the year, but if we're not meant for each other, I will let go completely and erase you from my life. That's why, despite the fact that all I got was ignorance and rejection, I took the chances. I know I made the right decision because now, I even have no little regrets in my heart. I already gave it my all till I was exhausted.

In the first three months after we broke up, I used to look over our pictures together, gifts, and letters, which were full of memories we had shared for one and a half years even though it was so painful for me. When Typhoon Jolina hit last September, our house was completely flooded. I tried to save it as quickly as I could because I couldn't bear losing it. Then, in the first week of January 2022, I moved to another room in our house, which had previously been my brother's room and I had to fix and pack all of my things. I looked at it one last time, trying to figure out whether I was still affected or if I was still missing you, but I wasn't. I no longer found calmness when I see you, I can now finally let go of you, not miss you, and not be bothered by your name when I heard it. I'm completely healed from the past. Now, it's alright for me to burn all those things that were full of memories between us and erase you from my life entirely. I don't know but as time goes by, I realized everything, and then one day, my feelings for him were already gone. I promised myself that once I was healed and before I accept someone again in my life, I would let go of everything.

The important lesson I've learned from the past is the best way to fully recover is to learn how to let go of what is heavy and trust in God to make a way. At first, I attempted to battle alone, doing whatever I wanted without considering the consequences of my actions because all I follow is myself. But it wasn't until I started to surrender all my worries to God, cry them out then focus on how to become the better version of myself. Looking back on the past, I can see how much stronger I have become in enduring all the sufferings I've faced. There are truly better plans stored for us behind all the struggles that we should overcome.

If you're in a current situation where you're on the edge of giving up in life because you can't seem to get rid of agony, cry it all out. It's okay not to be okay. It's fine to be exhausted, but you should rest rather than quit. Your feelings are valid, you aren't being dramatic. It's okay to call someone you can trust and run to if that will make you feel better. I want to remind you, that you will understand and realized everything as time passes by.

Always remember what God has promised to us, Romans 8:18; "The pain you've been feeling can't compare to the joy that is coming."