Musings of a Sister

February 24, 2022

My sister is sad about her group of friends not inviting her when they went out. She told me how upset she is when they went job hunting and didn't inform her about it. She has been friends with these people for over two years now. They would celebrate birthdays and special occasion together if ever they won't be able to come to their respective homes. During the pandemic and the typhoon, they became much closer as they became more compassionate towards each other.

I was a bit of disappointed when I've heard about her situation. For two years of staying in Cebu, this is the first time that I felt like she is weak and helpless. Many times before she would tell me that she miss home but still she has high hopes of achieving her dreams and she is still sure of the path that she is taking. Now, she often tells me that she is depressed. She feels insecure because many of her classmates are already successful. She feels left behind.

Listening to her musings, I admit that I find her childish. My sister is already twenty-five and I find her sentiments minimal and easy to solve. I wanted to scold her and tell her to grow up so she would come to her senses however we cannot measure our tolerance with just one measuring tape. I cannot invalidate her feelings just because I feel like it is childish. I cannot invalidate her feelings and tell her to stop being depressed just because I feel like there are a lot more things that are depressing.

I find it difficult to console her so I told her about the things that I'm sad and depressed about. I told her about my experiences that I have never shared to anyone, not even my mom. I shared to her how I was able to come out in that phase.

I told her I have been there. Many times before, my tears would suddenly make its way to my checks while I'm still having classes. At the boarding house, I would cry myself to sleep. In the morning, I would wake up with a heavy and anxious heart. I endured all of it and never told anyone about it, not even the Lord. I know He was aware of it but I have never told Him about my sentiments. I never asked him to heal my broken heart. I am pretty sure that what and who I am today is a product of someone else's prayer, most probably my mom's.

I am not sad anymore about my roommate moving to a new boarding house. I have accepted the fact that friends really grow apart. I am not that sad and pressured anymore about not having an item in Deped. I have come to the conclusion that if it is for you, the universe would conspire for you to have it.

I didn't like being in the dark. Having a heavy heart is not easy. The most relaxing part is through crying and listening to sad songs but I never embraced being depressed because no one likes to be with sad people. No one wants to deal with sad people. So, I find ways to keep myself busy so I won't remember the things that make me sad. I have drowned myself to trying new things so my mind would be occupied thinking of things that will be beneficial to me.

I wanted to help myself and let myself heal and get fixed. It is the least I can do for the people I love. I want to be a functioning human being so I can be of better service to the community and for me to be able to portray the many roles that I am designated to: as a daughter, a sister, a friend and an aunt.

I hope that what I shared to my sister can somehow help her. I pray that she will not be in this dark moments for a long time. I hope she would be able to pick herself up because no one can help her until she decides to help herself.

I'm pretty sure that all of us are somehow depressed. It may not be that much or that destructive. But maybe we all have fair share of things that makes us sad, insecure, pressured and depressed. I hope we won't get drowned for a long time. I hope we can grasp for air from time to time. Help yourself.

*Lead Image is from Unsplash.com

Thanks for reading. Until then.

Thank you madam@Bloghound for staying in my sponsor's block and for continuosly believing in me.