A letter to my One Month Boyfriend 🥺💜

Will be waiting for you.

Will be hoping for your comeback.

Will be dreaming of seeing you again.

Will continue to love you.

You are different. You are rare. You are one in a million. You are the one I loved, love, and will love.

One month of in a relationship over 6 months out of it, its too cliche that my love for you did not even changed a bit. I still have the same feelings towards you. The same excitement everytime I hear your name.

Commenting on my status was the first time we have our convo. We were team mates that time and I do not even give you any attention. You were just a mere work mate for me. You used to call me "Susan" out of nowhere because of my middle name "Sansan" which you thought my second name.

Reacting about my story on messenger was the second time around. That is the time, we have our chit chats. I can say our chats were after every two days or sometimes it was everyday. I heard about your story not moving on from your ex for about 3 years from your break up. I just don't find it real, like really? Its been 3 years and you're still into her. Well, as an older friend and somehow has insights in that matter, I gave you some advices that I really hope you follow. And I dont know if you ever did. That time as well, you know how my love story is doing. You as well gave me some advices which I took seriously and have some pondering and realization as well.

That time, I can say you indeed is a different person. You have that characteristic when you know how to give importance to a person. You know how to treasure memories. You know how to keep. And I salute you for that. Knowing you, I really looked up for you.

You are someone that I've been getting an inspiration with that I can say that there are still men who know how to love women. For some reason, I wished to have someone like you. I even told you, you are rare.

As time goes by, we became closer I can say. In terms of work, we were close back then. I dont know how it was started. We just used to talk to each other by phone through chats. I really dont know how it was started. No clues at all. What I really remember, we used to go to work together. We have Lyn as well. You used to prank me that you cannot go to work because of that and this. But, while waiting for Lyn you will just come out from nowhere. Then, there the friendship we have was created. I am like a sister to you. I just loved taking good care of you. I wanted you to be by my side. Not as girlfriend boyfriend, but really as my little brother and close friend.

But I did not expect this to happen. I started to have a different feeling towards you. The brother thing, it was all gone. It was not the same. I am keeping on my head that "no" because you were still into your ex. Who amI to be compared to your ex. I really have insecurities, you know that as well. But sharing what I feel to my friend, I have Lyn. And then, she told why not try? Then, I did try. I tried to get out from my comfort zone. I stopped being your sister. We became closer that time. We continue to go to work together, still with Lyn. We ate together as well. I dont know what you felt that time, but I am sure with mine. I am not sure with yours but I just go with the flow.

November 17, 2019. I am not feeling well that time. I had my undertime from work to see a doctor. It was your day off. I dont have the intention to tell you my situation that time but Lyn using my phone told you everything. I dont know, but I wish you would care for me that time and you did. You dont know how it flutters my heart. Then there, I have a confusion if what is that you reallt frlt for me. Then boom! You told me it was not because we were team mates, but because you really cared about me and you have the same feelings as I have for you. It was all started there. Everything started there.

We are not official that time, but the relationship we have was really fine. Were too close with each other. We missed each other often. We often do some laags, we did enjoyed each other's company. I enjoyed being with you, and you showed me that time that you felt the same. We're just too happy back then. We started to have dates. We started to hang out with each other. We do not have the same schedule at work, I go home earlier than yours. If its your break time, you never failed to flood me with your texts and chats, you even called me even you can only have 10 minutes break, that sometimes I cant answer because it is either I am sleeping or doing laundry and you will like you'll be sad right away. But after reading your texts, I will reply. And for your 25 minutes lunch break, you ought to call me, non stop. You spoiled me with your sweetness and consistency that time. Ive been so thankful that you came. After your work, you chose to be with me eating lunch together. I miss all of those things.

Time flies so fast! We became more and more closer. Dont know how I can describe my happiness.

And to make the story short, it was December 17, 2019 when we became official. Everything was okay as if I am the most beautiful woman. As if we have the best love story. As if it will be forever for us.

But what happened?

Why changed? Out of love? Why is that? It was January 22, 2020. I cannot forgot the saddest in my life. We broke up. I'm speechless. Can't even utter a word. We talked via phone becaise I wanted to ask you why the reason of the changes that happened in our happy relationship. It was like a snap of a finger. Every thing was gone. I still remember the same exact word you said to me why you felt that you already out of love. "I am not happy with you anymore." "I can be happy without you." "I can go along with the day not seeing you." That three same exact words you said to me, I cannot forgot it. It not because I am mad, it is because it pierced my heart. Like, why? What I have done wrong? What more do I need to do? You know how much I love you. You know that. But why?

After that, we broke up. Officially. It pains me. Until now. I'm still hurting. After we talked, you texted me if I am angry with what happened. And I replied, I am not. I understand. How can I be angry if I love you that much. To be honest, I am not crying while we are talking, because I froze. I can't believe it happened. I burst to tears when I returned home. That's when I realized, we are not together. That you are not mine anymore. That there's no us already. No you and me. Its only you, and only me by myself. It pained me. So much!

What's the funny thing? It's already May 22, 2021. One year and four months. I am wrting this letter for you. You already have a girlfriend now. And me, still here, hoping for you to come back. Hoping for the time to heal me. Hoping that God will answer my prayer.

What's funnier? We were in a relationship for one month and 4 days and I am hurting until now. It is because its not how long you are in a relationship. It is the memories that we created that one. We made so many. And that what I missed the most.

I will wait for you. I will.