Getting Myself Back

It's really a "I got myself back", because finally I was able to write my 3rd article after a month of Writer's block (Self-proclaimed writer really? Haha).
This is the continuation of my first article.
If you've forgot about it already here's the link:

https://read.cash/@MisakiLhaine/lost-days-027a9ddb

These are the reasons for a big changes in my life.
It's a path that leads me back to making arts again.

Stressful Days

When our office moved to Ortigas, my travel time became longer and exhausting.
Our company allowed as a flexible time. So if we arrived in our office at 7am we can go home as early as 4pm. I wake up and arrive early everyday, but unfortunately I rarely got the chance to go home early. I usually got stucked in a heavy traffic or sometimes It takes an hour to wait for a UV express. I have an option to ride a bus, but it also takes time due to large number of passengers who are also waiting.

My main dilemma is actually about our merchants who keeps on calling and following-up for their money. I have mentioned before that our company is an Online Selling site. We sell and advertise the products of different Merchants and get a commission from every sold items.
We collect the buyer's payment first then release the money to the merchants every Friday.
Since our company is experiencing a loss,
we were delayed in paying those merchants, to be exact we don't have the money to pay them.
For those reasons, I keep receiving calls even after working hours or over the weekends. Some were already irate, they will shout at me telling me that I am a liar and a scam. I feel bad for them and I totally understand where those anger coming from, but there's nothing I can do. I'm just an employee and I don't have control over those things, I'm only saying what was told by the higher ups.

The New CEO

I've mentioned before that our new CEO is a Filipino. We hardly got the chance to see him in our office. He sometimes stayed in the afternoon or if there were checks or documents to be signed. I know the Company is at loss already before he came but I do not see any significant thing he did since he started working as our CEO.
I personally don't like him, I don't think he can be trusted.

Few months of being our CEO, he asked for the Company's credit card. We only have one credit card and that is used only for paying some expenses related to our IT system, and it should be in custody of Finance Department. He borrowed it and never returned it. When the credit card statement arrived, I was surprised to see that there are purchases of "Nike" shoes and bill amount for dine-in in different high-end restaurants and cafe. It become an issue within our team, especially the accounting entries that we need to record for those purchases. When our Finance Head asked him about those purchases, He denied that he made those transactions and claimed that the credit card was lost.
I will never believe him, If the card was lost why he did not informed us right away? And those transactions happened a month ago, It only means that it wasn't lost he just used it as an alibi to cover up those purchases. Of course we requested for a new credit card because our Mighty CEO "lost" it.

Money can change someone for good or for worst.

Broken Trust

As I got promoted, I was given additional responsibilities same as with my Manager and now Head of Finance and Admin. He is now included as the signatory of our check payments. Before, only the CEO is allowed to sign on our checks. Now, It can be our CEO or our Finance Head.

Little by little I noticed that our Finance Head is making advances from the Company's funds and even from our Petty Cash Fund. I oversee all the disbursements and checks prepared first before signing. Whenever I'm on leave or out of office my staff will inform me that our Head asked him to prepare a check under his name. The amount ranges from P30K to P50K (590$ to 983$)
Honestly, I can't bring myself to ask him. How would i question my superior if he says that it were Salary/Cash Advances? (I know that we don't have such policies). It seems like he is taking advantage of our company.
From then on, I started to lose my trust on him.

Comfort in the Middle of Chaos

I'm emotionally and physically stressed, but I don't want those emotions win over myself.
Then I found myself making arts again.
I started with a graphite pencil and expresses myself through sketches/drawings. Then later on I bought a Faber Castell colored pencil set and additional sketchbook. It made me happy despite of those emotional stress that I'm currently experiencing. Arts become my comfort during those rough times and upto now, and I am glad that i finally found my way back into arts.

With all the stress brought by my job and the trust that was broken, I decided to resign from my job instead of waiting for our Company to close down.
I can't stand it anymore, seeing the reliable person I looked up to started to change.
It's one of the most courageous and fulfilling decision that I made in my whole life.

A/N: To resign from a job without any savings nor did not applied for a new job is one of the bravest thing I ever did. Haha After I resigned last January 2017, I started to look for a job that was not related anymore with Finance and Accounting. While searching for a job I continue on making arts, It become my antidepressant pill to make me sane.
This is the beginning of my Art Journey. For the next article I'll be sharing my artworks/sketches during those stressful days.
Thank you for reading!

Own Lead image